Memorable Quotes from Bill Burr
4 quotesMedia Infiltration and Misunderstanding Unveiled
Sergeant Dave
Ma'am, did you see a woman in a yellow dress get on that helicopter?
Denise
I saw Meghan Miles, undercover investigator for KZLA, get on a helicopter.
Officer Walter
Wait. The woman we're chasing is just a reporter? Dear God, it's worse than we ever imagined. The hooker has infiltrated the media, where she's posing as KZLA's Meghan Miles.
Denise
What do you mean, she's infiltrated the media?
Rose
So, you're saying that our best friend Meghan is an undercover hooker?
Officer Walter
It looks that way.
Sergeant Dave
So, you have an idiot friend too?
Rose
Yeah. Mine's by choice. You got stuck with this guy, right?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Late Night Conversations and Advice
Scott Carlin
Ray! I cant sleep, I never go to sleep this early.
Ray Bishop
Ohh, you know what you should do - you should shut the fuck up. Go to sleep.
Scott Carlin
Thanks.
Ray Bishop
Can't go to sleep... you should dip your weed in ] you fucking drug addict.
[[w:NyQuil|NyQuil]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Witness Describes Suspect's Disturbing Appearance
Officer Walter
You saw this little in the yellow dress steal your bike?
Stolen bike boy
She was really scary.
Sergeant Dave
You got a good look at her?
Stolen bike boy
Yeah. She had these, like, crazy eyes.
Officer Walter
All right, kid. Come with us. Hop in. We'll do a ride-along, okay?
Stolen bike boy
But when we find her, I want five minutes alone with her, okay?
Sergeant Dave
Not okay, creepy kid. Get in the back. Be happy that you're coming. Just concentrate on apprehending the perp.
Stolen bike boy
Hey, driver, you got to go faster. We have to find the bike.
Sergeant Dave
It's "Officer.
Sergeant Steve
Driver"?
Sergeant Dave
What, your dad rich or something?
Stolen bike boy
My dad's taxes pay your bills. Find the bike.
Sergeant Dave
Kid, if you don't shut up, I'm going to drop you off right on this corner.
Stolen bike boy
God, I just want to find my bike!
Sergeant Dave
And I just want to be fucking ]!
[[w:fishing|fishing]
Officer Walter
Oh, come on. There you go. You've really hurt his feelings now.
Sergeant Dave
Well, the kid's an asshole.
Sergeant Dave
What are you smoking?
[[w:Electronic cigarette|It's an e-cig]
Sergeant Dave
Fake cigarette. That's dumb.
Stolen bike boy
Well, ]!
[[w:Cannabis|I smoke weed]
Sergeant Dave
Great. Now we have to arrest you.
Stolen bike boy
No. I was kidding.
Sergeant Dave
Well, you're already in the back.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation with Authority and Responsibility
Officer Walter
I have nothing against... uh, ].
[[w:prostitution|modern... female entrepreneurs]
Sergeant Dave
Do not approach the vehicle. Ma'am, what you're doing is the opposite... of not approaching the vehicle.
Meghan
But I didn't do anything wrong.
Sergeant Dave
Really? You haven't done anything wrong? What, are you going out to get some eggs? ]? It's time to grow up.
[[w:paperboy|Just wrapping up your paper route]
Officer Walter
]. Off his streets and grow the fuck up, okay?
[[w:fellatio|Don't be on your knees]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.