Memorable Quotes from Bob Uecker
26 quotesCommentary on a Brief Film Experience
Harry Doyle
I wanted to see his movie, but it was only out for two and a half hours. I did hear however that it was in focus.
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Uncertainty About Hayes' Previous Performance
Harry Doyle
We don't know where Hayes played last year, but I'm sure he did a helluva job.
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Indians Celebrate Division Win in Major League II
Harry Doyle
Somebody caught it, and the Indians win the division.
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Confusion About Taylor's Thoughts
Harry Doyle
Obviously Taylor's thinking.... I don't know what the hell he's thinking.
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Baseball Commentary on a Home Run
Harry Doyle
Vaughn deals...and Heywood swings and crushes one towards South America. Tomlinson will need a visa to catch this one, it is out of here and there is nothing left but a vapor trail. Let's hope we still have diplomatic relations with the country that baby lands in.
[extended version]
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Tension Mounts in Final Baseball Moments
Harry Doyle
We're in the top of the 9th, leading 10–7, bases loaded, two down, and Rick Vaughn has come on to try and nail it down against Felipe Aguilar, a dangerous righthanded batter. Here's the pitch... Aw, shit. If that's not Shaquille O'Neal in left, that baby's outta here.
[Aguilar hits a towering blast]
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Promotion for Die Hard Night at the Stadium
Harry Doyle
Just a reminder fans about Die Hard Night coming up here in the stadium. Free admission to anyone who was actually alive the last time the Indians won the pennant.
[''35 years prior.'']
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Indians' Unexpected Wins Spark Attendance Concerns
Harry Doyle
In case you haven't noticed, and judging by the attendance you haven't, the Indians have managed to win a few here and there, and are threatening to climb out of the cellar.
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Indians Celebrate Unexpected Victory
Harry Doyle
And the Indians win it! The Indians win it! OH MY GOD, THE INDIANS WIN IT!
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Changing Perspectives on Athletes and Rivalries
Harry Doyle
You know, I used to hate Parkman when he was with the A's. It's funny how a new uniform can change your attitude about a guy. He's still a dick.
[''Covers the microphone so the audience can not hear'']
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Frustration Over Team's Poor Performance
Harry Doyle
And for the Indians, that's one run on, let's see...one hit? That's all we got?, one goddamn hit? Don't worry; nobody's listening anyway.
[Monty: You can't say "goddamn" on the air!]
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Comment on Heywood's Background and Character
Harry Doyle
Heywood's a convicted felon, isn't he Monty? Well, he should be!
[Monty: Ah...doesn't really say it here.]
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Commentary on Player Positioning in Baseball
Harry Doyle
Of course, he could be pointing at the left fielder.
[when Hayes calls his shot, and the ball lands short]
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Broadcast School Success Acknowledged
Harry Doyle
Dynamite drop in Monty, that broadcast school has really paid off.
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Disappointing Attendance at Major League Baseball Game
Harry Doyle
Hello, Tribe fans. Welcome to Major League Baseball...sort of. The attendance today is fourteen hundred and twelve. Most of them left after that 10-run inning the Red Sox put up...take over, Monty. I'm in the bag.
[fully drunk, wearing a wife-beater, heavily slurring; falls forward, passed out]
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Humorous Commentary on a Player's Performance
Harry Doyle
Heywood leads the league in most offensive categories, including nose hair. When this guy sneezes, he looks like a party favor.
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Questionable Call in Major League Game
Harry Doyle
Hayes is picked off! Well, so much for that. Personally I think we got hosed on that call.
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Commentary on Roger Dorn's Struggles at Bat
Harry Doyle
And Taylor is sending up.....Roger Dorn?? Dorn is 0 for the century against this guy, with several foul tips.
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Commentary on a baseball player's memory
Harry Doyle
And Hayes steals second, I'm surprised he still remembered where it was.
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Debut of a Troubled Player
Harry Doyle
Vaughn, a juvenile delinquent in the off-season, in his major league debut.
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Post-game show frustration expressed humorously
Harry Doyle
The post-game show is brought to you by... Christ, I can't find it. The hell with it!
[''searches through his papers'']
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Closure on Kellner’s Story
Harry Doyle
Well, you can close the book on Kellner. Thank God!
[''covers microphone with hand and turns to Monty'']
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Indians Show Life Amidst Team Tensions
Harry Doyle
My God. Good news, fans. The Indians are showing signs of life for the first time in weeks. As a matter of fact, they appear to be beating the crap out of each other! Looks like Willie Hayes is trying to hit Rick Vaughn, and why not? Everybody else in the league does. Hayes swings and misses. I dunno, Monty, it looks like Vaughn's carrying his left a little low. This could hurt him in the later rounds.
[Hayes tries to punch Vaughn and misses]
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Frustration with Pitching in Major League Baseball
Harry Doyle
Ball four...ball eight...low and Vaughn has walked the bases loaded on twelve straight pitches. Boy, how can these guys lay off pitches that close?
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Baseball Amidst Legal Troubles and Confusion
Harry Doyle
I don't know how this guy keeps his mind on Baseball with the Paternity suits and all.
Monty
I think those are parking tickets.
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Missed Pitch in Baseball Commentary
Harry Doyle
Vaughn into the windup for his first offering... Just a bit outside. He tried the corner and missed.
[''ball thrown several feet off the plate'']
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