Bridey ElliottQuotes

Harper: [''Allie's phone chimes''] Tennis court. Parking lot. Fence. Cars. Fence. Bush. Doors. Flowers. Park. Benches. Tree.

Allie: I feel sick!

Harper: It's probably that paper rose macaroon.

Allie: I need coffee!

Harper: There's no way we could've ridden our bikes across this bridge.

Allie: Okay.

Harper: Remember when Benji was running that house out here, like, three years ago.

Allie: Mmm-hmm.

Harper: That was like the best sex, I have ever had.

Allie: Mmm-hmm.

Harper: Oh, my God. I remember, he was really, like, covered in salt. He had been swimming.

Allie: Oh, God.

Harper: [''Walking down street''] Three hundred years ago, there existed two girls named Marin and Amanda. They effected no change in their lifetime, and ate soap in the ghetto. They died at the age of 26 when they passed away taking a nap. Nobody remembers them today.

Allie: [[w:The Rockaways|The Rockaways] Hi, We need a cab to ]

Sumrat: Where you at?

Allie: [[w:Flatbush|Flatbush; [w:firefighter|firefighters] Um, ], and some street renamed in some honor of a few fallen ] whose name I can't really pronounce. Do you know what I'm talking about?

Sumrat: Okay, five minutes.

Allie: Five minutes. Thank God. Thank God they didn't come with us.

Harper: Could you imagine what would have happened if they came with us? they would have cock-blocked us so hard with their salt water, brittle, scarecrow hair.

Allie: It's actually kind of upsetting that Marin has to go through that at her place of work.

Harper: Are they a couple?

Allie: No.

Harper: I don't understand why teachers get so fat their first year of teaching?

Allie: Oh, my God, she's not fat, you just can't get along with her.

Harper: I'm just saying she looks like a body pillow that's been left in body storage for a couple years.

Allie: Oh, my God. Why can't you just let her be?

Harper: Are you kidding me? There are so many things I could have said that I didn't because I'm a nice person.

Allie: Because you wanted the car. You're not a nice person.

Harper: [https://www.netlingo.com/word/lfti.php What the fuck does "LFTI" mean] Oh, okay. ?

Allie: Laughing for... the.. I don't know. Why?

Harper: Russ said it.

Allie: Oh. That's cute.

Harper: [''Groans''] Where's this cab, Allie? This is taking forever.

Allie: [''Receives a text message from her Peace Corps officer saying: "Why haven't I received your info. This must get done today"''] Oh goddammit, fuck (x4)... I didn't think I'd realize this was going to be such a thing, goddammit, this woman, Cabiria, just, like won't stop texting me!

Harper: Complain about it and then don't go to Liberia.

Allie: What am I going to do? I guess when we get home, I'll just... I fucking say we don't have any service in our house. God damn it!

Harper: [''On phone''] Where the fuck are you?! We've waiting for a car for 30 minutes!

Allie: Fuck!

Sumrat: Five minutes.

Harper: [''Screams frustratedly into phone''; ''Sumrat pulls up in a [[w:minivan|minivan] This is so horrible! It's not my-

Samrat: Get in, get in, get in! Come on! Where you going?

Allie: [[w:Rockaway, Queens|The Rockaways] We're going to Fort Tilden in ].

Samrat: Okay, great, let's go!

Harper: How much?

Samrat: Uh, 100! Get in!

Allie and Harper: What?!

Harper: No!

Allie: $100?! Seriously?!

Samrat: [[w:DVD player|DVD players] Yeah, because have you seen this ride?! It's an amazing ride! ]! Get in!

Harper: We didn't ask for, like, a luxury ride.

Samrat: Okay. Good. Get in. Okay, it sounds good.

Allie: It's like, two and a half miles away. $60.

Samrat: Yeah, no, $100! Come on! Come on! Let's go, let's go!

Harper: What?!

Samrat: Its, it's a $100 ride!

Harper: 80. 80!

Samrat: 80 plus 20! Get in!

Allie: Oh, my God.

Harper: Fuck.

Allie: I don't have $100.

Harper: I'm not paying for it!

Samrat: And, look, there is cup holders!

Harper: [''Gets in''] Fine, I'll pay for it.

Samrat: We have cup holders!

Allie: Okay, we'll pay $100 for cup holders.

Harper: Just get in! We need to go!

Samrat: Let's go, let's go.

Harper: Just so you know, you're a fucking asshole...

Samrat: Okay, great!

Harper: ...taking advantage of us like this.

Samrat: Okay, good!

Allie: Do you take checks?

Allie: Harper, Marin and Amanda are gonna drive us.

Harper: Drive us or come with us?

Allie: [''Makes face of absolute displeasure''] Yeah, They're gonna come with us! Yay!

Amanda: [''Going out door''] We're gonna have fun!

Allie: Yeah!

Marin: I can't swim.

Amanda: [[w:Xanax|Xanax] Why don't you just calm down? We'll go home. Take couple ]. Have a nice lie down. Okay?

Allie: Amanda, do you have a reliable cab company?

Amanda: Yeah.

Allie: Can I get their phone number?

Amanda: [''Pointing to plate of [[w:macaroons|macaroons; [w:pistachio|pistachio; [w:praline|praline; [w:espresso|espresso; [w:orange blossom|orange blossoms] So, this one's rose. This one's ]. This one's ], although I always get praline mixed up with ]. I ate all the ].

Allie: Hmm, I'll have a rose. I wonder what that tastes like.

Amanda: It's actually not my favorite, but they're all so good, you can't go wrong.

Marin: [[w:Passion fruit (fruit)|passion fruit] Harper, you seem like a ] kind of girl.

Harper: Why?

Marin: Because you're spontaneous.

Harper: That's okay.

Marin: Well, they're here in case you change your mind.

Harper: Thank you. I won't.

Amanda: Would you care for some tea?

Harper: Actually, we're dying for coffee.

Amanda: Oh. I'm sorry, this is a coffee-free house. But we have gingerbread man, apple cinnamon, um, camomile.

Harper: No, that's fine, thanks.

Amanda: It's so nice of you guys to visit. You almost missed us.

Marin: We have to go get butter before it gets dark.

Harper: [''Playing with a star on a stick''] Do you guys like living here?

Marin: [''Harper puts star on a stick back in bowl''] Harper, could you leave things where things are, please? Thank you.

Amanda: We teach a couple of blocks away. It's okay.

Allie: [[w:Teach for America|Teach for America] Oh, that's right! How's ] going?

Marin: [''Breathes and exhales deeply''] It's hard. It's really hard. You can't reach those kids. They come from a system that's broken.

Amanda: The odds are against them.

Marin: It's an impossible environment for a teacher to work in. One student touched my breasts.

Allie: Wow. Yikes.

Amanda: Ricky's the hardest.

Marin: He's disturbed. It's not his fault.

Allie: Well, I think you guys just need to keep reminding yourselves that what you're doing is of great value.

Amanda: How's your work?

Allie: Oh, I'm ready for it to be done, I am. I, um, I've lost all my faith in startups. They're just as evil as hedge funds, yeah. Never again.

Marin: [''Harper is leaning back in her chair''] Harper, could you be careful in that chair? I think that's the broken one.

Harper: Okay, I just won't move at all.

Marin: Just be careful. Allie, I hear your going to Liberia soon.

Amanda: [''Sighs''] Oh, my god.

Allie: [''Chuckles''] Yeah, I'm really excited, yeah.

Marin: Yeah, your mom seems really concerned.

Harper: You talk to her mom?

Marin: Of course, Allie is my closest friend. So I think it's important to keep in touch with the whole family.

Harper: Can I use the bathroom?

Marin: [''To Allie''] It's the door on the right. And don't use so much toilet paper. The plumbing gets backed up. And no tampons. I'm really happy that you're joining the Peace Corps.

Amanda: Hmm.

Marin: [[w:Teach For America|your TFA training] I was really disappointed when you quit ].

Allie: Yeah, it just wasn't meant to be.

Marin: I know it can be intimidating, but I'm really glad that you found something that you can hold on to for now.

Allie: Thanks. So, um, Harper and I have had kind of a tough day.

Amanda: Oh, no.

Allie: [[w:Honda|Honda] It's okay now, but our bikes were stolen and we were on our way to the beach and we were wondering if we could maybe borrow the ]

Marin: Oh, I don't know. Do you have insurance?

Allie: Of course!

Marin: I'd feel more comfortable if I came with.

Allie: Oh, no, no, you don't have to do that. I'm a super safe driver, you remember.

Marin: [''Man screams in distance''] I wouldn't feel comfortable.

Allie: [''Trying to flag down cab''] Ugh!

Harper: Isn't this, like, where cab drivers live?

Allie: Oh God! I need an iced coffe!

Harper: Not here! It's too hot for this!

Allie: What do we do?!

Harper: I don't know!

Allie: [''Looking at phone''] I'm looking up car services.

Harper: Daddy! Daddy! Allie and I are stuck in deep Brooklyn, our bikes were stolen and there are no cabs anywhere! And it's kinda sketchy!

Harper's father: Don't worry me like this, sweetheart.

Harper: We don't know what to do! Can you believe our bikes were stolen?!

Harper's father: Well, I'd have Linda send the car, but she's tied up in Moscow

Harper: Are you serious?!

Harper's father: You know, you're 25 years old now. I think you've gotta be on this now, angel.

Harper: Dad, that's not fair! This is an emergency!

Harper's father: I gotta go, but if you're still stranded in an hour, I'll figure something out, okay?

Harper: Okay, thanks. Love you.

Harper's father: Love you so much.

Harper: This is so fucked up!

Allie: Do you know who actually lives here?

Harper: You know someone who lives here?

Allie: You're going to hate this. Marin and Amanda.

Harper: No! No! Not those basic bitches!

Allie: I mean...

Harper: [[w:Minnie Mouse|Minnie Mouse] Marin is a raging asshole, okay? That girl can't stand me, and she thinks I'm threatened by it. They're just so fucking boring, they're like chapters in a book that's okay to skip. They're just fucking ] rats with makeup on.

Allie: They have a car.

Harper: Okay.

Allie: Yep, this way.

Harper: [''Walking with bike to trash disposal area''] Yeah, this is like nature's hiding place.

Allie: This is so disrespectful!

Harper: [''Hides bike behind trash cans and garbage bags''] Just, put it... yeah.

Allie: Ugh!

Harper: All right. That's good! That's good! It's perfect! Its good! Come on! We'll come back for it!

Allie: [''Walking down street''] Okay. It's just karma. We've got messed up karma now.

Harper: Um, no. Ebb probably did something terrible and disgusting and this is karma's way of getting back at him.

Allie: Hmm, that's not how karma works.

Harper: Ugh! Oh, my God! What do you think he did?

Allie: Ok, what do you think about this, are these coffee stains or is this like, the look?

Harper: Just get it, it's already in your hands.

Allie: [''Peace Corps officer calls''] Oh, my God...

Harper: What?

Allie: [''Sighs''; ''Sighs''] She's calling again. What do I tell her? I can't answer.

Harper: [''[[w:Asian Americans|An Asian boy] Just tell her your shopping. ] has appeared infatuated with the bikes and two can see him through the door]

Allie: What is with him?

Harper: Nothing. He's fine. He's just looking.

Allie: I think he's stealing our bikes!

Harper: They look locked, it's fine.

Allie: [''sighs''] Wha- but, something's happening, like why is he touching them?

Harper: He's touching them.

Allie: Should we go out there?

Harper: I think we would know.

Black woman: He's stealing your bike. That boy is stealing your bike.

Harper: What do we do?

Black woman: You should stop him.

Harper: Oh, he's taking it! That is so messed up.

Black woman: I just watched you... watch that boy... steal your bike.

Harper: [''Leaving store''] I can't believe this!

Allie: Argh!

Harper: Should we get a cab?

Allie: I.. I guess. We should get a cab with a bike rack, but I'm... I'm so broke.

Harper: I know. I'm broke too, but... you know, maybe I should call my dad.

Allie: What?! Why?!

Harper: We need to get there! I know that!

Allie: We need a cab! We need a cab with a bike rack!

Harper: Allie! That's not a thing!

Allie: Maybe... how... you don't know! How do you know?!

Harper: Okay. We need to get a cab and get rid of Ebb's bike.

Allie: What do you mean?

Harper: No cab is gonna take us with a bike and that's the only way to get there.

Allie: Okay, so we'll... we'll pick up a lock somewhere around here and lock it up.

Harper: Allie, look where we are! We have to leave it!

Allie: No! I'm deeply not okay with that!

Harper: We'll pick it up on the way back!

Allie: Absolutely not! That boy is gonna take it! This is not how I treat other people's bikes!

Harper: You need to think about yourself first and other people’s bikes second!

Allie: [''Sighs''] Dang it!

Harper: Come on!

Allie: Oh, he's gonna be so mad!

Harper: Are these cute or tacky. I can know they're tacky but are they tacky-tacky or courageous tacky?

Allie: I think it depends on where you are and what you're doing.

Harper: Okay, block everything out and like, picture me in like a hotel lobby and I'm sitting there and texting and looking around.

Allie: I'm pretty sure they're cute.

Harper: Allie, isn't this dress awesome? Its like flowy, mother goddess.

Allie: Oh, my god! I love it!

Harper: And nature.

Allie: [[w:Hipster (contemporary subculture)|South-Western hipster; [w:Methamphetamine|meth-head] Harper, is this ] or ]?

Harper: Both. But it's good.

Harper: Ugh! I shouldn't have seen Benji! I can't get his dick pic out of my head now.

Allie: Ugh! Stop it!

Harper: No, Allie! It's the perfect dick.

Allie: Well, you know how I feel about him, so.

Harper: And his pheromones! His pheromones are like a buck deer. Like the buck deer that fights Bambi's dad.

Allie: I really like the way Russ smells. It's like his smell is somehow compatible with my smell.

Harper: Ugh! It's like a locker room!

Allie: Ew!

Harper: Oh, my God!

Allie: What?

Harper: [''She pulls aside''] That top!

Allie: No! Harper, no! It's just a bunch of cheap crap! Don't you want to go to the beach?! We'll just have to look past everything.

Harper: I am so inspired right now. I can't ignore that.

Allie: We've already wasted so much time, I just want to go the beach.

Harper: [''Goes in store with Allie sighing frustratedly, leans bike against tree and pretending to chain up her bike and going in after''] So go.

Harper: [''Perusing through clothes rack''] This is insane.

Allie: This is insane.

Harper: This is crazy.

Allie: Oh, my god! Where are we?!

Harper: This dress is four dollars!

Allie: This is cute! This is like thirtieth of a dress!

Harper: This has to be a trap.

Allie: It's too hot for this.

Harper: You just need caffeine.

Allie: God, I feel bad. Ahh! I'm scared.

Harper: This place.

Allie: [''Pulls out chain from backpack''] Yeah. Coffee. Coffee, coffee. Yes, yes, yes. Oh, my God! I need coffee! I need it so badly! Okay, okay, okay. Shit!

Harper: What?

Allie: I forgot the key.

Harper: That's okay. Just wrap it around a few times to make it look like it's locked.

Allie: But, it's kind of ghetto.

Harper: Get to used to it, Africa.

Allie: I'm not, like, afraid. I'm just saying.

Harper: I think I'm having an idea. I think I'm having a really, really good idea. Imagine, like, an entire exhibition of, like a dollhouse ghetto.

Allie: [''Entering store''] I like it! Hi.

Hispanic women clerk: Hello.

Allie: [[w:Iced coffee|iced coffees] Hey. Can we get some ], please?

Hispanic women clerk: Two coffees?

Allie: Yes, but iced.

Hispanic women clerk: Two coffees.

Allie: Sorry. Iced, iced coffees.

Hispanic women clerk: With ice?

Allie: Yeah. Iced coffee.

Hispanic women clerk: Coffee with ice?

Harper: Yeah

Allie: Yeah.

Harper: Thank you. It's perfect.

Allie: Thank you.

Harper: [''Handing money''; ''Upon leaving the store, they dump their coffees in a trash can''] There you go. Thank you so much. That's for you.

Allie: I'm gonna die.

Harper: I think we should just start rolling to help us get through with this.

Allie: No. No, no. Let's just go.

John: Ben, Harper?

Benji: What?

John: It's getting buggy.

Allie: Yeah, Harper. It's really time to go.

Harper: All right, let's go. Bye, you guys.

Ashley: Bye Harper. Be safe in Liberia.

Allie: Thank you!

John: Post!

Ashley: Post! Post on Facebook so we know.

Allie: Bye Ashley.

John: Portugal.

Allie: Portugal.

Ashley: She thinks you're, like, gonna fuck her again.

Allie: Thanks. It's Liberia.

Ashley: I knew that would happen.

Harper: I want four pills.

Benji: No, you should really only take one of these.

Harper: Yeah. There are four people, so it's one per person.

Benji: You two and who else?

Harper: You don't know em.

Benji: Are you really trying to get me to give you molly so you can con some fucking assholes into sleeping with you?

Harper: No, all I'm asking for is four pills.

Benji: Okay, fine. I will give these to you, but you have to come somewhere with me on the 31st.

Harper: Where?

Benji: I don't know yet.

Harper: [[w:sexting|a dick pic] So, why haven't I gotten ] lately?

Benji: Oh! Interesting! I tho- ah, I was under the impression that you wanted off that mailing list.

Harper: How else am I gonna go to sleep at night

Benji: I don't know, can your Dad phone fuck goes to sleep?

Harper: That's disgusting.

Benji: Build a little treehouse so your mom can't see you licking his asshole?

Harper: No. I've never had a treehouse.

Benji: I know. Because your Dad doesn't love you.

Ashley: Do you have, like, a different type or something?

Allie: I'm sorry. Is he your boyfriend?

John: No, he's not.

Ashley: Well, okay. You don't have to say it like that. Like it's not so black and white.

John: You're not dating Ben-... You're not dating Benji.

Ashley: That's your perspective.

Benji: So, are you finally excited to get rid of that dead weight?

Harper: She's not going anywhere. She'll drop out the day before as usual.

Benji: Yeah, that's true, you girls are pretty expert at exit strategies.

Harper: Fuck you. No, I'm not. She's the one that's like that.

Benji: What is with this hat?

Harper: Do you like it?

Benji: Not really, are you like hat person now? You're becoming half a person on me?

Harper: Does that mean a person that wears hats?

Benji: Yeah, are you that person?

Harper: Today.

Benji: Okay.

Benji: So, what have you girls got going on today?

Harper: Going to the beach.

Benji: Oh nice! You sure you can afford to take a day off from... from doing from nothing?

Harper: Fuck you, "doing nothing".

Allie: Oh, my God. That was so intense. I'm still shaking.

Harper: You know, I'm not going to be there for you when you're in Liberia.

Allie: Wait, where you going? It's this way.

Harper: We have to stop by the park and see Benji.

Allie: Maybe we can just skip the molly. I don't think I can handle that right now.

Harper: Then don't do it.

Allie: Is his harem of bitches gonna be there?

Harper: Probably. They spend every second of their lives trying to fuck him.

Ashley: [''To Benji looking at phone''] Benji, I feel like you've been on that same page for like... like four hours.

Grant: Are we distracting you, Benji?

Benji: I'm dissecting the sentences. I'm sort of figuring out the way it works.

Ashley: No, I get it. It's full broth, I get it. Do you want bug spray?

Grant: [''Grant laughs''] No, no, no, no. That- that literally smells like a cunt.

Ashley: That's so funny. I was thinking about how I used to eat out women. And how at the time, it seemed like such a good idea, but...

John: How's this, Benji?

Ashley: ... in retrospect, it's like, why did I ever actually do that?

John: Absolutely.

Harper: Sup.

Ashley: Oh my god, hi cutie! Hey.

Harper: Hi little baby boy!

Ashley: How are you, Harpy?

Harper: I'm good. How are you? Love your red socks. Are those to make your legs look longer?

Ashley: Yeah, they're just slimming, like your romper.

Harper: Oh, right.

Ashley: Your romper's slimming. It's funnny that you're here, I had a dream that you died.

Harper: Oh my god, how's your family? Are they still bankrupt or is that...

Ashley: Yeah

Benji: What?

Ashley: [''Benji walks along with Harper''; ''To Allie''] Don't... you're gonna like, go over talk to her privately. Hey, how are you, I'm Ashley.

Allie: Hi, we've met.

Grant: I'm Grant.

Allie: Actually, we've all met.

John: When?

Harper: [[w:Brooklyn|Brooklyn] This is the best street in all of ].

Allie: [''Admiring the houses''] Oh my god, this is gorgeous, oh, Brooklyn.

Harper: This is so good. Fresh air, fresh ideas.

Allie: I hate to admit it but I'm kind of crushing on Russ right now.

Harper: Uh-uh.

Allie: And it's like making me nervious, like I felt something last night and why does life always do this to me, you know?

Harper: Well, that's your fault.

Allie: I know, I know, I know! I just feel more giddy than I have since middle school

Harper: So don't go to Africa.

Allie: Maybe I should.

Man: Watch out!

Allie: [''Repeatedly''] Oh! Oh, my God!

Man 1: Oh, Jesus!

Mother: Oh, my God! Are you okay?!

Man 1: Oh, my God.

Mother: My baby... it's okay.

Allie: Oh, my God! Is he okay?!

Man 1: I saw that coming. That was terrible.

Mother: Thank you, thank you so much! Thank you!

Man 1: That was terrible.

Allie: I am so sorry. Oh. my God! Is he okay?!

Mother: I don't know if he's okay, okay?!

Harper: He's fine! Okay? The baby's fine!

Mother: You don't know if he's fine, miss hat, okay? So let's watch it with the conclusions.

Man 1: [[w:Pediatrics|The pediatrician] Is there someone I can call? ]?

Allie: I don't know anything about babies.

Mother: Yes, his pediatrician. Dr. Mark Miles. Okay.

Allie: I'm so sorry. I can't believe.

Man 2: You know, your not allowed to bike down the wrong way of a street. That's the reason that law exists.

Allie: I'm sorry. I'm not used to riding in this area. I shouldn't have been.

Man 2: Were you looking in front of you or were you just in your own dreamworld?

Allie: I- I might have been in my own dreamworld, I don't know.

Man 2: We should be exchanging personal information.

Mother: I don't know why that's not happening! Get their information please!

Harper: What is your problem, dude? Chill out!

Man 2: I am chill.

Black man: [''Recording with phone''] I am relaxed. I'm about to go to sleep.

Man 2: [[w:Incredible Hulk|Incredible Hulk] I'm not riding my bike all over the street like the ].

Mother: Oh, my God. There's a bump. And I don't know if it was here before.

Harper: The baby's always had that bump! This is a nightmare!

Man 1: Can I help? I got the police on the phone here. They'll be here in just a second.

Harper: No, that's really not necessary, okay? She barely just grazed that thing. Are you kidding me?

Man 3: You just hit a child! Okay? Just be quiet, please. Thank you.

Harper: You need to- this is crazy, ok?!

Man 2: I'm crazy?!

Harper: We're leaving, Allie, we're leaving.

Mother: Did you get- did you get their information?! Did you get their information?!

Man 2: Oh, my God. You're fleeing the scene?! You're leaving?!

Mother: Can you take a video? Let's take a video of them.

Man 2: Let's videotape it!

Mother: Videotape it!

Allie: [''Repeatedly''] I'm sorry!

Black man: They're leaving a crime scene!

Man 2: That's a felony!

Mother: They're getting away! They're both wearing rompers! One is floral and the other one has a suspiciously hip hat!

Man 2: Wow! Wow!

Man 3: The criminal mind always sets its own traps!

Man 1: [[w:millennial|millennials] The ] are fucked!

Allie: Wait, what are we supposed to do here?

Harper: I don't know. Should we go with the traffic or should we like...?

Allie: Are we supposed to...

Harper: Is this street for us or the pedestrians?

Allie: Maybe we should go.

Harper: I don't know.

Allie: Should I go? This is like a regular residential street but this is like a highway.

Harper: Why are we like, trapped in here?

Allie: Okay, yeah, go now. Go. Now, now, now.

Harper: Go now?

Allie: Go.

Harper: The people are turning here.

Allie: [''Motorists honks''] Go! Sorry!

Allie: [''Enters her apartment with bicycle''] Ugh!

Harper: What?

Allie: Nothing. Everything's just a little; "ugh" right now. Are you ready?

Harper: Where did that bike come from?

Allie: It's Ebb's.

Harper: Oh, my God. No. No. I'm sorry. No. There is no way in hell I am putting my vagina against that bike seat. Jesus Christ!

Allie: [''Sighs''] Okay. It's fine. I'll ride it. You take my bike.

Harper: [[w:ejaculation|him coming inside of you with all that terrible DNA; [w:semen|His cum; [w:vinegar|vinegar; [w:Cadbury Creme Egg|has an orange tint like a fucking Cadbury fucking egg.] Could you imagine having sex with him? And ]? ] probably smells like ]. And ]

Allie: I told you I would ride it!

Harper: [[w:Mashed potato|a cold sack of mashed potatoes; [w:bleach|bleach] God, fucking him would be like being trapped under ]. You'd have to wash your vagina for months with ].

Allie: Oh, my God. My vagina's going on that seat. Please stop talking about it!

Harper: [''Walks past Allie''] No. Oh, my God, no. You'd have to kill yourself. Fuck! That's disgusting! I'm gonna be sick! I'm gonna be sick!

Harper: Allie?

Allie: Yeah?

Harper: Are we gonna wear our bathing suits there?

Allie: I am.

Harper: I don't think you can change there.

Allie: Um, that girl seems really hard to live with.

Harper: Oh, when did you get coffees?

Allie: It's like, I didn't believe her personality choice.

Harper: Mmm. It's really watery.

Allie: I got bagels too.

Harper: You know what? I don't think we should eat. You know what I mean?

Allie: Yeah.

Harper: Yeah.

Allie: I guess it could be good if we roll up with our morning tummies.

Harper: You know what the best part of this day is? It's gonna be so cheap and I'm so broke right now. My dad's gonna be so proud of me right now.

Allie: Oh, my God. Don't even talk about that. That's so stressful.

Harper: We're not eating all day, we're riding our bikes everywhere. There's nothing to buy, the beaches are free.

Allie: The beaches are free?

Harper: They have to be. Also, I don't have a bike.

Allie: Wait, I thought that bike under the stairs was yours.

Harper: Oh! No. That's not mine. I don't have one.

Allie: [''Sighs''] Do you know anyone who has a bike?

Harper: [''Chuckles''] Well, probably.

Cabiria: Who is this?

Allie: Oh, um... hi, Cabiria, this is Allie Donahue. I'm the girl going to Liberia. We're supposed to have a meeting today. Yeah, um... I- I was gonna leave you a message, but I'm glad that you're up. Um, I'm feeling terrible.

Cabiria: You're not calling in sick, are you?

Allie: Uh, unfortunately, I am. I know it's terrible inconvenient.

Cabiria: There's no time to reschedule. I'm here fore 36 hours and we have a lot to go over.

Allie: Okay, um... okay, well. I just... I don't... I really don't wanna get you sick.

Cabiria: I don't get sick. Can you be by a computer? We need to keep moving forward.

Allie: Sure, absolutely. Yeah, I'll- I'll be home. Sick, so...

Cabiria: Get your documents together and call me back.

Allie: Okay. Um, can you tell me which documents?

Cabiria: All of them.

Allie: [''Cabiria hangs up''; ''Walks to Harper's room and opens door knocking''] Of course. Yeah. All of them. Um, okay. Uh, thank you so much, Cabiria. I really, really appreciate all of your- Oh. Okay. Oh, my God. Documents.

Harper: What are you doing?

Allie: We're going to the beach!

Harper: What time is it?

Allie: It's beach time!

Harper: It's not even day yet

Allie: That's the sun. Oh, come on, Harper. I took the day off, we said we'd get up early.

Harper: Yeah, like 10!

Allie: [''Browsing laptop''; ''Grunts in frustration, closes laptop and returns to Harper's room''] Okay, I'll look up the ferry, but you need to get up. Really?! Harper, there's no ferries and there's nobody passing out fliers for The Rockaways for the weekdays. It's kind of a lot to figure out.

Harper: Let's bike.

Allie: [''Returns to room''] Oh. That actually sounds really nice. We could see the birds of Brooklyn that we've never seen before. That's a really good idea. Let's do it. Harper, Lucy's here to see the apartment.

Harper: [''Walking through apartment''] Oh shit! Hey. Sorry. So, yeah. It's a really big closet.

Lucy: The last apartment I was in, I just, like, basically put everything in a box.

Harper: Oh, God. That's the worst.

Lucy: So, like, everything is wrinkled. I just wore the same thing every day.

Harper: And you don't know like, where anything is... when anything is!

Lucy: Oh, my God. It's like I'm always shopping cause I can't like find anything.

Harper: Right.

Lucy: So I just assume I've lost it. This is so cute.

Harper: I like, you know, cooking. So...

Lucy: Me too. I cook all the time.

Harper: You do? Oh, that's awesome.

Lucy: Oh, we could totally cook together. That's so fun.

Harper: Yeah. Collaboration.

Lucy: Yeah. I love your design. It's just like...

Harper: Oh, thank you.

Lucy: So smart and simple.

Harper: Oh, thanks. Yeah. Like, I try to do, like, chic and you know... shabby-chic sorts thing. I guess.

Lucy: Absolutely. You do it really well. It's like nothing I've seen before.

Harper: Right, I don't own, like, magazines.

Lucy: Wow! You made this!

Harper: Yeah. It's really... it's nothing. It's just...

Lucy: No, it's beautiful. No.

Harper: Honestly, it's not even right, so...

Lucy: I love the colors.

Harper: Do you wanna see your room?

Lucy: Oh, uh, do you mind?

Allie: Oh, yeah, totally. Yeah. Sorry, it might be kinda messy.

Lucy: That's cool.

Harper: Right this way.

Lucy: Let's go. This is so cute.

Harper: So, her room's a little smaller than mine, but...

Lucy: [''Gasps''] Oh, that's fine, I'm sure. Oh, look at this nice carpet. No shoes.

Harper: Yeah.

Lucy: Oh, my gosh! It's like a treehouse! I'm a bird in her nest.

Harper: 300 hundred years ago, there were identical twins who forced their friends to an evening of terrible music that was instantly forgotten. They drowned in their own reflections and are not remembered today.

Allie: Hey, how are we getting molly?

Harper: Benji will have it.

Allie: Ugh! Great.

Harper: This is so good cause I need to fuck someone other than Benji.

Allie: I like how Russ is so easy to entertain. He's, like, totally sweet and down to laugh.

Harper: That's cause he's not trying to impress anyone.

Allie: I'm just, like, a little afraid of my placement officer. She's a little bit, too real.

Harper: Then don't come.

Allie: No, I wanna come.

Harper: No, it's fine. You're counting on the Peace Corps to make all your memories for you, so why should you be alive right now? We deserve a day off.

Naomi: Thanks you guys, we should walk over a bridge or something.

Man 1: You guys are so money.

Man 2: You know, what I loved was when it like the orchestra.

Allie: Hey.

Naomi and Phoebe: [''Allie and Harper walk up to them''] Hey, oh my god!

Man 1: Oh!

Claire: Was it too long?

Allie: No, we have watched you guys tonight.

Phoebe: Oh, my gosh, you guys.

Claire: Cool, cool.

Phoebe: Thank you so much for coming, we are so happy you are here.

Harper: We could tell you spent a lot of time on it, it was so great.

Claire: Thank you. We did. Harper, I love that I can invite you and then Allie's gonna come too.

Naomi: Yeah. You guys are more-twin like than us.

Allie: Aw, cute.

Harper: And not true.

Naomi: We would be enemies if we didn't have to be best friends.

Phoebe: Oh, I love this girl but I would kill her.

Naomi: Ah!

Phoebe: So, Harper, what have you been working on?

Harper: Oh my gosh, a lot of stuff going on right now. Kind of crazy, yeah.

Phoebe: But you have to keep us posted on when your going to have your work shown...

Naomi: Yeah.

Phoebe: ...'cause I'm dying to see it.

Naomi: Yeah, just go for it, girl.

Harper: Just go for it". Thanks. And if you guys want any feedback on what you're working on you know, you could always, yeah.

Naomi: That would be awesome.

Phoebe: [''A girl arrives''] Thank you so much for coming! I'm so happy to see you. I love it!

Girl: Cut me loose from these invisible chains! Oh, my god!

Naomi: Oh!

Phoebe: Yay!

Harper: Oh hey, let's go say hi to these guys first. They could be not terrible.

Allie: I kinda just wanna go to bed.

Harper: So go to bed.

Russ: [''Harper walk over''] So, it's like, one, two, three, four, five, six.

Harper: It's almost September, can you believe it?

Russ: Yeah, I know, we fucked up summer.

Harper: Oh, we fucked up summer.

Allie: We fucked it up, too.

Russ: We haven't been to the beach at all. We're heading out to Fort Tilden tomorrow.

Harper: Oh, that's so great. Fort Tilden is so awesome in that post-apocalyptic way.

Sam: You can just drink there without anyone bothering you

Harper: We're coming with you.

Russ: Uh, yeah, I mean, yeah, if you can make it.

Sam: Yeah, it's cool.

Russ: Come check it out.

Allie: I wish, I have to meet my placement officer tomorrow. Actually, I'm kind of dreading it. Ugh!

Russ: Your what?

Allie: [[w:Peace Corps|Peace Corps] I'm joining the ]

Harper: [[w:Williamsburg, Brooklyn|Williamsburg] She's leaving ] to go to the worst place possible in the world.

Allie: [[w:Liberia|Liberia] It's not the worst place in the world. It's just ]

Russ: Oh no, Liberia is the worst place in the world. They sell human flesh in the streets there, it's like a goddamned horror show.

Allie: I don't think that's true.

Russ: No, it's so true. I mean like, I have seen videos of it, you know... but that's not the point. The point is you should definitely come to the beach with us tomorrow cause, you know, you want one day of happiness before you spend the rest of your life just like, shitting up, like, malaria blood.

Allie: [''Laughs''] Well, at least it's not like, waiting tables, right?

Russ: You wait tables?

Allie: No, I don't and I did, and never again. But anyways, I am so excited to be getting out of New York, I am so done and I am so ready.

Russ: I hear that, I mean, come on, this isn't the only place there is, I cannot wait to get out of here.

Allie: Oh, my god, you and me, we're getting too big for this this city right.

Russ: Right. Leave the bagels and the rats for these two suckers.

Harper: [''Hands her phone to Ash''] Well, I am definitely going to the beach tomorrow. Plug in your number.

Allie: [''Hands out her phone''] I guess I may as well be in touch too, like, just in case.

Russ: Yeah, definitely, definitely.

Allie: I mean, I could totally come, I could just reschedule. That wouldn't be so bad, right?

Russ: Yeah, reschedule. Take the day off. Why not?

Harper: [[w:MDMA|molly] You know what would make it even better? If I brought some ].

Allie: Oh...

Russ: Wait. You can get molly?

Harper: Yeah, I'm an artist.

Russ: I'd actually... I'd be really into that.

Sam: Yeah, sure, definitely.

Harper: I feel like you guys have never done molly before. Have you never done molly before?

Russ: Uh, no, never.

Sam: I just... I like, we can never find when they do.

Harper: Well, I've never met anyone who's done it, who hasn't loved it.

Allie: It's very sensual. So you should be prepared for that.

Woman: Hey! Excuse me! No! I can hear that shit from the second floor! Okay?!

Naomi: Oh...

Woman: Yeah. There's way too much noise going on right now. Oh... like WAY TOO MUCH noise. Yeah.

Naomi: Okay, I'm sorry.

Woman: [[w:LASIK|LASIK; [w:The View|The View] Other people have lives, you know. I'm sorry. Yeah, like, I have a huge day tomorrow. I have to get ] in the morning and the I have an audition to be the crowd warmer for the ].

Naomi: Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. So... thank you so much for letting us know.

Woman: Yeah. You're welcome.

Naomi: Yeah.

Woman: This is not the night.

Naomi: Thank you for telling us.

Woman: Okay?

Naomi: All right.

Woman: This is not the night!

Naomi: Okay. I'm so sorry.

Woman: Thank you!

Naomi: I love... I love your night gown.

Woman: Okay, thanks.

Phoebe: Oh!

Naomi: Oh, my God. Thank you. Okay. I'm so sorry, you guys. Um... Let's head back downstairs to the apartment... so sorry... and maybe Naomi and I will do some...

Naomi and Phoebe: Freestyling!

Naomi: Oh, my God. Isn't it fun?

Leia: Yeah.

Harper: Do you guys live around here? You wanna share a cab?

Russ: I mean, we're on the Upper West Side. Yeah.

Harper: [''Shakes their hands with Allie''] Oh, wow. Okay. Oh. Um, well, we'll see you tomorrow, then. Cool?

Allie: Cool.

Russ: Yeah. Definitely cool. Definitely, it's cool. Yeah. See you tomorrow. Okay.

Sam: See you later. Get home safely.

Harper: I can't wait to do a cartwheel in the sand.