Memorable Quotes from Carla Gallo
1 quoteCritique of an Artist's Controversial Album
Aldous
When Frank Sinatra moves his arm, you can see my dad. There. There!
[''Jonathan is playing a guitar as monotonously as ever'']
Jonathan
What about... What was that fucking album you brought out last? It was... What was it? African something or Zambezi, or what was it?
Aldous
African Child.
Jonathan
Child. Child. Yeah, yeah, African Child. You should have stayed away from that one, I think. I think you should've aborted that child, eh? You got that? You know, mate?
Wife
I loved it.
Jonathan
She loved it, yeah. Yeah. She really did. No, she told me that she loved it.
Wife
Yeah? I loved it. So enlightening.
Jonathan
We didn't order these.
[''Waitress has arrived with a tray of drinks'']
Waitress
These drinks are on the house.
Jonathan
Oh, really? Great. Thank you very much. Funny, isn't it? You get rich and then everything comes free.
Aldous
Yeah.
Jonathan
So what brings you to Vegas?
Aaron
Aldous wanted to visit you.
Aldous
No. No, we were just passing through. We were near.
Jonathan
Really?
Aldous
Actually, I've got a show at the Greek Theatre in LA.
Jonathan
Terrific! Terrific! Great!
Aaron
It's tomorrow, actually.
Jonathan
Really? Terrific!
Wife
We should go see that.
Jonathan
Well, I'm not sure I... No, I think I'm busy tomorrow night. I'm busy tomorrow.
Aldous
Don't worry about it. It's not set in stone or...
Aaron
It's actually very set in stone.
Jonathan
No, some of us have to work for a living, right? You know.
Aldous
Yeah, cause I remember I became a rock star as a result of winning a quiz show.
Aldous
What?
Jonathan
All right, all right. I'll check the schedule.
Aldous
Dad! I like it here.
Jonathan
Cheers, son. Yeah, I like to come here and clear my head. You remember that first strip club I brought you to?
Aldous
I do. Fondly. Very fondly.
Jonathan
So listen, what are you going to open with at the Greek?
Aldous
Love Explodes.
Jonathan
Really? I think you should open with Going Up. I love that fucking song. It's fucking genius. You know, it's a great thing to open with.
Aldous
I mean, getting them up, getting them, fuck, right there in the fucking palm of your hand right away. Going Up.
Sergio
You missed sound check, bitch! You know how much that's gonna cost us?
[''On the phone with Aaron while driving'']
Aaron
I apologize. Look, things got out of control.
Sergio
But, hey, we're at The Standard now, so it's all fine, because we're all settled in and we're here. Guess what. I'm downstairs in the lobby. Why don't you come on down?
Aaron
You know what? Actually, Aldous just went to sleep. So I just think it'd be better if he just, like, got some rest. April Fools.
[''Sergio appears behind him looking very annoyed'']
Sergio
I don't want to hear that shit. You fucked up.
Aaron
He doesn't do anything you want him to do! He's a crazy person!
Sergio
Okay, shut the fuck up and listen. There's a change of plans. I hope you got a good night's sleep. We going to party these pussy limey motherfuckers into the ground. They gonna be dying to leave Vegas. But we gonna have to mind fuck them. A deep mind fuck.
Aldous
Sergio!
[''Calls across the strip club'']
Sergio
Aldous, hey! Have a drink with us!
Jonathan
Come join us!
Aldous
Whoo! Vegas!
Sergio
What's up, baby?
Aldous and Jonathan
Vegas! Vegas! Vegas! Join in!
Sergio
Let's get our mind fuck on.
[''To Aaron'']
Sergio
Now, the Rat Pack was the shit! Yes, those guys right there could croon! Whenever I would hear Frank or Dean or Sammy sing, shit would just warm my heart! You know, it just makes me fucking tingle!
Jonathan
It's nice, isn't it?
Aldous
Yeah, I feel that. I feel that, Sergio. Sometimes I think that I was Frank Sinatra in a past life, even though I was born before he died.
Sergio
No, I'm Frank Sinatra.
Jonathan
What? No. You? No. No. No, no, no. Sorry, mate. You can't be Frank! Can't be Frank. No.
Aldous
Yeah. I'm Frank.
Sergio
What you trying to say? I gotta be Sammy?
Aldous
Yeah.
Sergio
Why I gotta be Sammy? Cause I'm black, I gotta be Sammy Davis?
Jonathan
Well, you know... I look more like Frank than I do look like Sammy!
Aaron
Hey, so it looks like you got everything under control, so I might call it an evening.
Sergio
Sit your ass... Has he been acting like a bitch this whole time?
Aldous
Yes, he has. Yeah, he's been a right little bitch.
Sergio
What are you doing? You are representing Pinnacle. Excuse me. Come here for a second. What's your name?
[''Grabs an attractive stripper'']
Destiny
Destiny.
Sergio
Destiny, this is Aaron. He's my personal attendant. He runs shit for me.
Destiny
Nice to meet you. Aaron.
[''She shakes his hand'']
Sergio
Destiny. Destiny, pay attention. You are gonna go and have sex with Aaron. Right now.
Aaron
That's disrespectful.
Sergio
Aaron, ].
[[w:Word play|go with your destiny]
Destiny
That's my name, Destiny. And you're using it two ways.
[''Laughing'']
Destiny
I'm actually in a band. My life is music. I'm in an all-girl cover band and we do the Pussycat Girl's songs. And we're called the Pussy Kittens. Can you hook me up with Aldous?
Aaron
Sure.
Destiny
Cool.
Aaron
Okay, what are you doing? What? Don't do that.
Destiny
I feel like I want to show you something.
Aaron
I feel like I don't want to see it, though. All right! Hey! So that's your vagina. Right on.
Destiny
No, but look at it! Look at the hair. Look at the pubic hair! It's... Yeah, it's a microphone. For my work. Hello. Testing, one, two, three! Is this thing on? Hello?
Aaron
Hey, so put that away, all right?
Destiny
Do you want to sing hair-aoke?
Aaron
I'm okay. I'm all right. Oh, my God.
Destiny
I think you're really sexy because you look like Dennis Quaid.
Aaron
What? Really? Randy Quaid, maybe.
Destiny
Pants off!
Aaron
No!
Destiny
Off with the pants. Honestly... Pants-off party!
Aaron
You're acting crazy! Stop. No!
Destiny
Hello.
Aaron
All right. Fun and games are over. Let's relax for a second. Let's just, let's just... ] from her purse] You carry that around with you?
[''Destiny produces a [[w:dildo|dildo]
Aaron
Stop! When's the last time you ] that thing?
[[w:Purell|Purell-d]
Destiny
Kiss it. You like it.
Aaron
I want to go home!
Destiny
This is going inside of you!
Aaron
No! Get off of me! What are you doing? Oh, my God! Why does this keep happening to me?
Destiny
Just relax.
Aaron
No!
Destiny
Take your medicine. Yes, yes.
Aaron
Why does it have balls?
Jonathan
That was really nice. No, it's really nice, you know, playing together like that.
Aldous
Yeah.
Jonathan
We should do it more often.
Aldous
We should, Dad.
Jonathan
Yeah, you know, there's a ballroom space opening up at the Golden Nugget. I know the owner a bit, you know? I could hook you up with a permanent gig there. We ]. Well, they're all doing it, you know. ]. ]. ].
[[w:Revenue|could make loads of dough; [w:Cher|Cher; [w:Celine Dion|Celine Dion; [w:Elton John|Elton John]
Aldous
If you want money from me, Dad, just ask.
Jonathan
I don't want your fucking money, do I? I just want to help your fucking career, don't I?
Aldous
My career don't need help. Really?
Jonathan
Your last record, you know how many it sold? Don't need help? You sure fucking do.
Aldous
So you know the precise sales figures for me last album. When was me birthday? Surprise me. Now, look, look... When was me birthday?
Jonathan
Aldy, Aldy, Aldy! You never would have made it without me.
Aldous
I did make it without you. I made it in spite of you.
Jonathan
You inherited all your musical talent from me! I wrote all your songs from the tip of my cock.
Aldous
Right. That's it. So, like, I've been plagiarizing from your ball bag.
Jonathan
Where does the DNA come... Where does your talent come from?
Aldous
Here. Brilliant bit of biology, Dad. Yeah, I think that's what Darwin discovered on the Galapagos Isles. That music can be written in someone's spunk.
Jonathan
I'm talking fucking facts.
Aaron
I think I've just been raped.
Aldous
What's that?
Aldous
Raped? Here you go, mate. That'll take the edge off. Yeah, give him that. Make yourself useful.
[''Holds up a joint''; ''Hands joint to Jonathan'']
Jonathan
Here you go.
[''Jonathan hands joint to Aaron'']
Aaron
All right? What is this?
Aldous
It's called a Jeffrey, Aaron. Bit of this, bit of that.
Jonathan
Here. Have a look. Have a look at this. Aldous Snow wasn't always so pretty, was he, eh?
[''Shows a picture of Aldous as a youth'']
Aldous
What are you showing him that for, Dad? Why do you carry that photograph?
Jonathan
Remember when we used to box? You used to get in the ring, wheezing around. Do you remember?
Aaron
Hey, what's in this? My heart's starting to beat really fast.
Aldous
It's ] mostly. Sergio gave it to me. It's got a bit of ] in it. Some heroin. ]. ]. ]. ]. ]. ]. Some other stuff that's unidentifiable, and I think a little bit of ], actually, if I'm not mistaken. You know, ] for...
[[w:marijuana|weed; [w:opium|opium; [w:MDMA|Crunched-up E's; [w:Clorox|Clorox; [w:Methadone|Methadone; [w:Subutex|Subutex; [w:Morphine|Morphine; [w:Peyote|Peyote; [w:Phencyclidine|angel dust; [w:Inhalant|bit of glue]
Jonathan
Yeah. You know...
Aldous
Keep it traditional. It's like ]. Oh, my God, look at his little boat. What a lovely little boat race. Yeah, let me get a shot of that. Hold it, hold it. Cheese! I'll never tire of looking at that git.
[[w:Neapolitan ice cream|a drug Neapolitan; ''Holds up phone''; ''Takes Aaron's picture'']
Aaron
Why the fuck is it called a Jeffrey?
Aldous
Cause who could be scared of a Jeffrey?
Jonathan
Yeah, Jeffrey's just this nice bloke from down the road, isn't he?
Aaron
What's wrong with you?
Aldous
Hello, I'm Jeffrey!
Jonathan
I've just moved in. Yes, I'm Jeffrey. Jeffrey. Jeffrey, Jeffrey.
Aldous
My wife has got ]!
[[w:Varicose veins|varicose veins]
Aaron
]. I'm having a heart attack.
[[w:Myocardial infarction|I'm having a heart attack]
Aldous
You're not having a heart attack, Aaron.
Jonathan
I think he might be having a heart attack.
Aldous
He's not. He's all right. Oh, no. Don't wind him up.
Aaron
I'm having a heart attack.
Jonathan
He is. He's having a heart attack.
Aaron
I'm telling you. Listen to your dad! He's right!
Aldous
He's not having a heart attack.
Jonathan
He looks like he's having a heart attack, doesn't he?
Aldous
Aaron, come with me, mate. Just get away from him. He's an idiot. It's all right. Just take deep breaths. In through your nose, out through your mouth. In through your nose, out through your mouth. That's what you need to do. Come here. We're together, mate, all right? I shouldn't have given you the Jeffrey. That was a mistake. I'm so sorry. But relax now. It's over. Everything is beautiful. The world is beautiful. Everything is cool. Look around us, we're... Look at that, look. Look at these. ] on a wall and picks it off to show Aaron] Look at this tiny, simple beauty of this tiny little ant. Isn't that lovely? See? We're at one with that. So lovely. It's nice, beautiful. Isn't it beautiful? And lovely, and wonderful, and pure and... I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. No. I'm on the Jeffrey, too. Now just breathe deeply. Okay. Okay. That won't last. No. That's the joy of the Jeffrey, you see. It goes away, but then it comes back! Don't worry. It doesn't do that. You're gonna be okay. Don't listen to him, don't listen to him. Here. Put your hand here. Just touch the furry wall. Stay with me. Be calm. Be calm. Just stroke the furry wall. You're with the furry wall. With the furry wall now. Dad! Stop bullying my mate!
[''Spots an [[w:ant|ant; ''Aldous deliberately inhales the ant and Aaron whimpers in fear'']
Jonathan
You sound just like your mum.
Aldous
Don't talk about my mum.
Sergio
Y'all need to take a hit of this Jeffrey! It'll calm you down!
Jonathan
Sammy's right! Right, I've got a question. She still seeing that soft-dick postman, eh? Or has he left her as well?
Aldous
You're gonna die on your own, old man. You're gonna die and I'm gonna fucking laugh when you die, you old cunt. Aaron, stop stroking the furry wall! We're going... ] and smashes it on Aldous back and then bodyslams Aldous on a pool table] Get off!
[''Aldous turns and calls to Aaron''; ''Jonathan grabs [[w:Acoustic guitar|an acoustic guitar]
Aaron
Hey, shouldn't somebody stop this?
Sergio
Feel how good this feels? I'm gonna cover the whole outside of my house in this material.
Jonathan
] and Jonathan grabs Aldous by the ankles] Come back here. Get back here. Get...
[''Aldous attempts to escape by crawling under a [[w:Culvert|culvert]
Sergio
My house is gonna look like a fucking werewolf.
Aaron
What the fuck?
Jonathan
Go on, run away!
Aldous
Stop chasing me!
Sergio
See, Aaron? The plan is working. This is what old pussy used to look like in the 70s. I miss that.
Aldous
You're a very bad parent!
[''Aldous punches Jonathan in the face'']
Jonathan
I'll show you bad, eh?
[''He draws a pistol'']
Aldous
What are you doing?
Aaron
That's a gun! He's got a gun!
Sergio
Now that's what I'm talking about.
Aldous
Oh, no. Where did that come from? Hey! Keep stroking the wall! Keep stroking the wall!
[''To Aaron'']
Jonathan
That's Jeffrey's gun.
Sergio
No one endangers my artist!
[''Sergio deflects gun upwards and Jonathan discharges it'']
Aaron
Somebody help me, please!
Aldous
I'm coming, Aaron!
Destiny
This is so rock star.
Aaron
I'm having a heart attack! Somebody take me to the hospital! It's on North Casino Way! Calm down. I'm having a heart attack!
Aldous
You're having a heart attack, are you?
Aaron
I am!
Aldous
Jesus! Why can't everything be this simple?
[''Seduced by the furry wall'']
Jonathan
Sergio, fancy a drink, eh?
[''Throwing a wine bottle''; ''Sergio takes cover behind a mini fridge door and throws a bottle and Jonathan responds with throwing dishes'']
Aldous
Sergio would have made you bring a medical kit.
Aaron
It's over there! It's over there!
Jonathan
Fucker. Yeah! I'm okay. Right!
[''He frisbees a metal casserole dish lid''; ''The lid hits Sergio in the head, knocking him out and Jonathan throws up both hands in celebration''; ''He glances at Sergio again who has strangely disappeared'']
Aldous
Come here!
[''Aldous grabs Aaron with medical kit in mouth and manhandling him away and throws him to the floor''; ''Gets on top of him'']
Aaron
No! No. No.
Aldous
Now I'm gonna stab you in the heart with this adrenaline needle.
Aaron
What? What? I'm alive!
[''Aldous injects Aaaron'']
Sergio
See if you like this. Where the hell you been?
[''Sergio grabs Jonathan by ankles and drags him down steps''; ''Two Pinnacle Records employee appear'']
Bodyguard
We went to see Cher.
Sergio
Cher? How was it?
Bodyguard
Amazing.
Jonathan
This is all your fault! He's fucking ]!
[''He lunges at Sergio''; ''Aaron lunges at Jonathan who turns around gets scratched in the face''; [w:Catwoman|Catwoman]
Aldous
You're so mean! That's enough!
[''Grabs Aaron and manhandles him away'']
Jonathan
It's not easy being a parent. ] and smashes it on Jonathan's head] Shit!
[''Sergio grabs a [[w:lava lamp|lava lamp]
Aldous
I'm sorry, pops, you okay?
[''Sergio throws Jonathan headfirst into a TV screen smashing it and Destiny cheers'']
Sergio
Now, this is what the music industry is all about.
[''Sergio grabs a hot coal from a pit fire and immediately drops it onto the furry rug, starting a fire'']
Aaron
Sergio's gone crazy.
Sergio
I love this game!
Aldous
He's Jeffreyed. Let's go! Bye!
Sergio
No, I don't think so.
[''He then gives chase after Aaron and Aldous down a hallway'']
Aaron
This adrenaline's crazy! I've never run so fast in my life!
Aldous
I don't have my luggage!
Aaron
Fuck your luggage! We'll get you new luggage!
Sergio
Where you going? Run all the way back to LA!
Aldous
Sergio is chasing us!
Aaron
This is the longest hallway of all time!
Aldous
It's ]!
[[w:Stanley Kubrick|Kubrickian]
Sergio
You cannot outrun me! I am black!
Aaron and Aldous
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go! Please, driver! Just drive it! Go! Now! Go! Go! Go! Go! Drive! Drive faster! Quickly! Go! Oh, no! Oh, my God! Oh! ] gets hit by car] Stop, stop! Stop!
[''Sergio is chasing them along [[w:Las Vegas Strip|The Strip]
Sergio
Why aren't you bitches going? Come on! The plan worked! Now that's a mindfuck!
[''He watches Aaron and Aldous drive away'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.