Carrot TopQuotes

Edison: [removes the cover off the Chef Edison's TV Dinner] Ladies and gentlemen, when I was yo high, I got the idea for making something everyone could use, and today, it is a reality. So, without further ado... Ta-da! The device that's gonna rock the world!

Fremont: A TV dinner? I hate to break the news, but Swanson beat you to the punch by 40 years.

Edison: [opens the lid to the TV dinner, showing the food tray and a portable TV screen, much to the hoard's amusement; passes the TV dinner to Natalie, who passes it down to every board member all the way to Landers] Guys, it's not just a TV dinner, it's a real TV dinner. Here, check it out. The hardest part was making a TV that could withstand going from the freezer to be heated.

Larry: This dinner is self-heating and uses microwave technology to cook the food and run the TV for 4 hours.

Edison: And here's the kicker, it only costs $2.19 more than a regular TV dinner.

Fremont: Ingenious!

Landers: And tasty, too.

Bradford: Get him a bib.

Edison: I say we go into immediate production.

Natalie: Whoa, Edison. I don't mean to burst your bubble, but there are standard procedure to follow. We have product testing and focus groups, safety regulations. We can't just march right into production.

Edison: Well, you've done this a lot longer than I have, so...

Bradford: [interrupting] Hold on! Didn't you just tell us that this is the greatest thing since individually wrapped cheese slices?

Edison: I would never, ever dare compare it to individually wrapped cheese slices. I mean, come on. We all know there's nothing better or tastier than that. Bradford, hello? Scrumpdillyicious, cheese slices. Although, I would say this is close.

Natalie: Yes, but...

Bradford: Natalie, please. Gentlemen, months of costly testing will only tell us what we already know. The product works, but, of course, it's up to you, Mr. Chairman of the Board.

Edison: I say we go into production now!

Fremont: You're the new trainee?

Edison: Actually, I inherited the company.

Landers: [the board members incredulously exclaim] He's Edison?

Edison: In the freckled flesh.

Lawyer: Hold on a moment. Armand's will clearly stipulates who gets what.

Bradford: [points to Edison] This is an abomination. You're telling me my uncle, my only family, left me a piece of wood and gave the bulk of his estate, $23 million in stock, to that?!

Edison: [delighted] 23 million? $23 million?! Oh, that's a lot of Snapples!

Ms. Krubavitch: No more Miss Sunshine for you three. I want my money NOW!!

Edison: I'll take care of Cujo. Ms. Krubavitch, look, we go back a long time, right? We have that warm, personal relationship. Can I call you "Mom"?

Ms. Krubavitch: [disgusted] Yecch.

Edison: [writes a heart on shampoo] We love you.

Ms. Krubavitch: [smacks the heart] That love crap doesn't work with me!

Edison: [takes a slurp] OK. I'm gonna level with you, all right? We're kind of going through a negative cash flow situation, all right? Kind of a personal recession. But, hey! How about this? A lifetime supply of these? My favorite invention: A slurpy cup with a heater on it. Watch. This way, no brain freeze. Brilliant, huh?

Mrs. Krubavitch: [places her anti-smoking voice box against Edison's throat] If I don't have my money by the end of the month, I'll have your skanky, dingleberry-ridden asses tossed out of here. YOU GOT THAT!?!

Edison: Yes, sir.

Edison: [that night after seeing his house boarded up] No, what happened? No, I... got evicted. No, tell me this isn't happening! My surfboard, dinosaur, yellow brick road! Where'd it all go? No! Oh, what did I do?

Edison: [in a commercial for Chef Edison's TV Dinner, dressed as an astronaut] Hi, I'm Chef Edison and when I'm away from home, I still like to catch some of my favorite TV shows. That's why I always bring one of my Chef Edison TV dinners wherever I go. With flavors like, Uh, Beavis and Broccoli', N.Y.P.D. Blueberry pie, and M*A*S*H potatoes, there's no reason to be a couch potato at home. Now you can be one anywhere! So sit back on a moon rock and enjoy.