Memorable Quotes from Carrot Top
6 quotesInnovative Self-Heating TV Dinner Concept Introduced
Edison
Ladies and gentlemen, when I was yo high, I got the idea for making something everyone could use, and today, it is a reality. So, without further ado... Ta-da! The device that's gonna rock the world!
[removes the cover off the Chef Edison's TV Dinner]
Fremont
A TV dinner? I hate to break the news, but Swanson beat you to the punch by 40 years.
Edison
Guys, it's not just a TV dinner, it's a real TV dinner. Here, check it out. The hardest part was making a TV that could withstand going from the freezer to be heated.
[opens the lid to the TV dinner, showing the food tray and a portable TV screen, much to the hoard's amusement; passes the TV dinner to Natalie, who passes it down to every board member all the way to Landers]
Larry
This dinner is self-heating and uses microwave technology to cook the food and run the TV for 4 hours.
Edison
And here's the kicker, it only costs $2.19 more than a regular TV dinner.
Fremont
Ingenious!
Landers
And tasty, too.
Bradford
Get him a bib.
Edison
I say we go into immediate production.
Natalie
Whoa, Edison. I don't mean to burst your bubble, but there are standard procedure to follow. We have product testing and focus groups, safety regulations. We can't just march right into production.
Edison
Well, you've done this a lot longer than I have, so...
Bradford
Hold on! Didn't you just tell us that this is the greatest thing since individually wrapped cheese slices?
[interrupting]
Edison
I would never, ever dare compare it to individually wrapped cheese slices. I mean, come on. We all know there's nothing better or tastier than that. Bradford, hello? Scrumpdillyicious, cheese slices. Although, I would say this is close.
Natalie
Yes, but...
Bradford
Natalie, please. Gentlemen, months of costly testing will only tell us what we already know. The product works, but, of course, it's up to you, Mr. Chairman of the Board.
Edison
I say we go into production now!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Tense Demand for Payment
Ms. Krubavitch
No more Miss Sunshine for you three. I want my money NOW!!
Edison
I'll take care of Cujo. Ms. Krubavitch, look, we go back a long time, right? We have that warm, personal relationship. Can I call you "Mom"?
Ms. Krubavitch
Yecch.
[disgusted]
Edison
We love you.
[writes a heart on shampoo]
Ms. Krubavitch
That love crap doesn't work with me!
[smacks the heart]
Edison
OK. I'm gonna level with you, all right? We're kind of going through a negative cash flow situation, all right? Kind of a personal recession. But, hey! How about this? A lifetime supply of these? My favorite invention: A slurpy cup with a heater on it. Watch. This way, no brain freeze. Brilliant, huh?
[takes a slurp]
Mrs. Krubavitch
If I don't have my money by the end of the month, I'll have your skanky, dingleberry-ridden asses tossed out of here. YOU GOT THAT!?!
[places her anti-smoking voice box against Edison's throat]
Edison
Yes, sir.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Chef Edison's TV Dinner Philosophy
Edison
Hi, I'm Chef Edison and when I'm away from home, I still like to catch some of my favorite TV shows. That's why I always bring one of my Chef Edison TV dinners wherever I go. With flavors like, Uh, Beavis and Broccoli', N.Y.P.D. Blueberry pie, and M*A*S*H potatoes, there's no reason to be a couch potato at home. Now you can be one anywhere! So sit back on a moon rock and enjoy.
[in a commercial for Chef Edison's TV Dinner, dressed as an astronaut]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Company Inheritance Revealed
Fremont
You're the new trainee?
Edison
Actually, I inherited the company.
Landers
He's Edison?
[the board members incredulously exclaim]
Edison
In the freckled flesh.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Inheritance Sparks Discontent Among Heirs
Lawyer
Hold on a moment. Armand's will clearly stipulates who gets what.
Bradford
This is an abomination. You're telling me my uncle, my only family, left me a piece of wood and gave the bulk of his estate, $23 million in stock, to that?!
[points to Edison]
Edison
23 million? $23 million?! Oh, that's a lot of Snapples!
[delighted]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Loss and Confusion in a Difficult Moment
Edison
No, what happened? No, I... got evicted. No, tell me this isn't happening! My surfboard, dinosaur, yellow brick road! Where'd it all go? No! Oh, what did I do?
[that night after seeing his house boarded up]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.