Catherine Zeta-Jones Quotes

Velma Kelly (Singing) She'd say, "What's your sister like?" I'd say, "Men.

Velma Kelly My sister Veronica and I had this double act, and my husband Charlie traveled around with us. Now for the last number in our act, we did these twenty acrobatic tricks in a row. One, two, three, four, five, splits, spread-eagles, backflips, flip-flops, one right after the other. So this one night before the show, we're down at the Hotel Cicero; the three of us, boozin'... having a few laughs. And we ran out of ice, so I go out to get some. I come back... open the door... and there's Veronica and Charlie, doing number seventeen: the spread-eagle. Well, I was in such a state of shock, I completely blacked out, I can't remember a thing. It wasn't until later...when I was washing the blood off my hands, I even knew they were dead!

Velma Kelly (Singing) No, I'm no one's wife, but oh, I love my life!! And all... that... Jazz!!!!

Velma Kelly (Singing) My sister and I had an act that couldn't flop. My sister and I were headed straight for the top! My sister and I made a thou, a week at least- oh yea- but my sister is now unfortunately deceased. I know it's sad, of course, but a fact, is still a fact. And now all that remains, is the remains of a perfect, double, act!

Velma Kelly What's your talent; washing and drying?

Theo Hi. Don't worry, I'm not an obsessive packer. It's just a cheap and exploitative way of making new friends. I'm Theo.

Eleanor Eleanor. But everybody calls me Nell.

Theo Well, "Everybody Calls Me Nell". Don't you love it here? It's like Charles Foster Kane meets the Munsters.

Velma Kelly (Smoking her cigarette and smoke puffs from her red lips) Cicero.

Eleanor Have you ever kept something for yourself because you were afraid?

Theo All the time.

Theo You don't get this from the ] catalog.

Helena Ayala I'm on the board of my son's school, I have fundraisers for adult literacy at my own home. I think I have a right to know if my husband is a legitimate business man.

Elena When I said we were never meant to be together... I mean it.

Zorro Finally, we agree on something!

Helena Ayala Not in the doll. The doll is cocaine.

Velma Kelly (After Roxie turns down her idea of doing a double act together saying "It'll never work./'Cause I hate you!") There's only one business in the world where that's no problem at all.....(raises eyebrow and grins slyly...leads into Nowadays)

Velma Kelly (Singing) Come on babe, why don't we paint the town? And all that jazz! I'm gonna rouge my knees and roll my stockings down... And all that jazz! Start the car, I know a whoopie spot, where the gin is cold and the piano's hot! It's just a noisy hall where there's a nightly brawl, and all... that... jazz!

Velma Kelly Look honey, you want some advice? Well, here it is, direct from me to you. Keep your paws off my underwear, kay?

Helena Ayala This may be your last chance to do this. Now get out of the car and shoot him in the head! Just shoot him!

Velma Kelly You wanted my advice, right? Well here it is. Don't forget Billy Flynn's number one client is... Billy Flynn.

Theo Isn't it based on the Gates of Hell, by ]?

Eleanor Well, it's not just hell. You see the children, they're reaching up for heaven. But their souls are trapped in Purgatory. And these are the demons... who can hold onto your soul for as long as they want.

Theo Did you study art?

Eleanor No, I studied Purgatory. I was there once for 11 years. It's when your soul is caught between the living and the dead.

Elena It's who we are.

Velma Kelly (Listening to a description of Roxie's trial on the radio) Oh, mama, she stole my garter...(grabs radio and shakes it) She stole my garters! First she steals my publicity, then she steals my lawyer, my trial date, and now she steals my goddamn garter!

Theo Is this one of your sick jokes, Luke?

Luke What? You really think I wrote that?

Theo You found it; you could have.

Luke How, with the 20-foot ladder I keep in my back pocket?

Theo You feel cut off from the world, but the world has missed you. Happy tossing and turning.

Dr. Marrow Let me explain what's happening here. You're participating in a study on group fear and hysteria.

Luke What? That's it, that's what this was all about?

Theo You brought us here to scare us, is that it?

Dr. Marrow Yes.

Luke And you were just waiting for her to have a total nervous breakdown before you said it. I mean, what is your problem?

Velma Kelly I just can't take it anymore! You can't go anywhere without hearing about that dumb tomato! (Mama sits up with her hair dyed like Roxie's) Oh, no, Mama, not you too.

Zorro Why are you still wearing his necklace?

Elena I'm under cover! Besides, these are pearls. You never gave me pearls.

Zorro I thought you didn't care about things like that.

Elena I lied. Every woman loves pearls.

Zorro Well, now you have them, *princess*.