In the Loop - Humorous Critique of Meeting Etiquette
Simon Foster: [impersonating Toby]
I don't want to have to read you the Riot Act here. But I am going to have to read you some extracts from the Riot Act. Like "Section 1, Paragraph 1: Don't leave your boss twisting in the wind, then burst in late, smelling like a pissed seaside donkey." "The British are coming!
Toby Wright:
Okay, okay, Simon, I was late for the meeting. I am sorry. But it's not like I threw up in there, is it?
Simon Foster:
No, you're right. I'm being unfair. I should be thanking you for not throwing up. Well done. You're a star. And you didn't wet yourself, did you? You're in the right city. You didn't say anything overtly racist. You didn't pull your dick out, start plucking it and shouting, "Willy Banjo!" No, I'm being really unfair. You got so much right...without actually being there for the beginning of one of the most important moments in my career. Thanks. You're a legend.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
In the Loop - A Lesson in Direct Communication
Malcolm Tucker: [to Toby]
Hey, foetus boy, lesson one: If I tell you to fuck off, what do you do?
Toby Wright:
Umm... Eff off?
Malcolm Tucker:
You'll go far! Now fuck off.
Toby Wright: [leaves the room]
Right.
Simon Foster:
Judy and I were thinking that I could row back on Question Time tonight—
Malcolm Tucker:
You're not going on Question Time, you've been disinvited.
Simon Foster:
We've been prepping Question Time!
Judy Molloy:
Why wasn't I told about this?
Malcolm Tucker:
Why the fuck would I tell you it?! I've told you to fuck off twice, and yet you're still here!
Judy Molloy:
You should tell me about it because it's a scheduled media appearance by this department's secretary of state, so therefore it falls well within my purview!
Malcolm Tucker:
Within your purview"?
Judy Molloy:
Yes!
Malcolm Tucker: [[Jane Austen|Jane fucking Austen]
Where do you think you are, in some fucking regency costume drama?! This is a government department! Not a fucking ] novel!
Simon Foster:
Malcolm...
Malcolm Tucker:
Allow me to pop a jaunty little bonnet on your "purview" and ram it up the shitter with a lubricated horse-cock!
Judy Molloy: [[w:Angela Lansbury|Angela Lansbury]
Your swearing does not impress me. My husband works for Tower Hamlets and believe me, those kids make you sound like... ]!
Malcolm Tucker: [to Simon]
She's married? Poor bastard.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
In the Loop - Differentiating Politics from Agriculture's Calmness
Toby Wright:
It's a bit manic, it's not like Agriculture. People rarely get this swear-y about wheat.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
In the Loop - Advice on Navigating Diplomatic Relations
Toby Wright:
Good luck at the Foreign Office, try not to annoy Russia.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.