Memorable Quotes from Chris Addison
4 quotesHumorous Critique of Meeting Etiquette
Simon Foster
I don't want to have to read you the Riot Act here. But I am going to have to read you some extracts from the Riot Act. Like "Section 1, Paragraph 1: Don't leave your boss twisting in the wind, then burst in late, smelling like a pissed seaside donkey." "The British are coming!
[impersonating Toby]
Toby Wright
Okay, okay, Simon, I was late for the meeting. I am sorry. But it's not like I threw up in there, is it?
Simon Foster
No, you're right. I'm being unfair. I should be thanking you for not throwing up. Well done. You're a star. And you didn't wet yourself, did you? You're in the right city. You didn't say anything overtly racist. You didn't pull your dick out, start plucking it and shouting, "Willy Banjo!" No, I'm being really unfair. You got so much right...without actually being there for the beginning of one of the most important moments in my career. Thanks. You're a legend.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Lesson in Direct Communication
Malcolm Tucker
Hey, foetus boy, lesson one: If I tell you to fuck off, what do you do?
[to Toby]
Toby Wright
Umm... Eff off?
Malcolm Tucker
You'll go far! Now fuck off.
Toby Wright
Right.
[leaves the room]
Simon Foster
Judy and I were thinking that I could row back on Question Time tonight—
Malcolm Tucker
You're not going on Question Time, you've been disinvited.
Simon Foster
We've been prepping Question Time!
Judy Molloy
Why wasn't I told about this?
Malcolm Tucker
Why the fuck would I tell you it?! I've told you to fuck off twice, and yet you're still here!
Judy Molloy
You should tell me about it because it's a scheduled media appearance by this department's secretary of state, so therefore it falls well within my purview!
Malcolm Tucker
Within your purview"?
Judy Molloy
Yes!
Malcolm Tucker
Where do you think you are, in some fucking regency costume drama?! This is a government department! Not a fucking ] novel!
[[Jane Austen|Jane fucking Austen]
Simon Foster
Malcolm...
Malcolm Tucker
Allow me to pop a jaunty little bonnet on your "purview" and ram it up the shitter with a lubricated horse-cock!
Judy Molloy
Your swearing does not impress me. My husband works for Tower Hamlets and believe me, those kids make you sound like... ]!
[[w:Angela Lansbury|Angela Lansbury]
Malcolm Tucker
She's married? Poor bastard.
[to Simon]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Differentiating Politics from Agriculture's Calmness
Toby Wright
It's a bit manic, it's not like Agriculture. People rarely get this swear-y about wheat.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Advice on Navigating Diplomatic Relations
Toby Wright
Good luck at the Foreign Office, try not to annoy Russia.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.