Christopher LloydQuotes

Hutch Mansell: You brought a lot of shotguns.

David Mansell: You brought a lot of Russians.

David Mansell: You know... I tried the retirement thing. I enjoyed it. Sleep in late, breakfast, walk around the quad. Lunch, nap, swim. But God damn it Huutchie... if I didn't miss this shit.

David Mansell: Just a bit excessive... but glorious!

Harry Mansell: You know, Pops, remember that you left us alone in that lodge for two nights straight by ourselves. And all we had to eat was hot dogs and s'mores. That's partly why I'm a vegan.

David Mansell: Well, you guys were safe. Mostly.

Harry Mansell: Did you ever worry about us, though? I mean... like about who we'd become. You mean like you worry about Brady?

Hutch Mansell: Yeah. I want him to be...

David Mansell: A better man than you.

Alice: You don't seem to have much riding practice.

White Knight: What makes you say that?

Alice: You keep falling off your horse!

White Knight: I've had plenty of practice at THAT, plenty of practice!

Jinx: [talking about the lay-off] You're not exactly walking out of here empty handed. You got your pension and I'll give you this month's gas money.

Larry: There's only one more thing I want.

Jinx: What?

Larry: DISABILITY!

Jinx: Hey keep that sense of humor it'll do you good.

Mr. Goodman: [to Julie] The piranhas that killed those divers, the ones you're hunting for, they're not fully developed. They're the babies.

Novak: [an adult piranha jumps out of the water and kills Novak] The babies? Huh. So where are the parents?

Novak: Excuse me... but is that a fucking piranha?!

Julie Forester: Carl, it's not the only one.

Novak: [shows the torn diving suit] Here, here. Yeah, look at this. There are thousands of them. Thousands. And they're pissed!

Mrs. Goodman: You know, I've heard of this happening. It's like those baby alligators in New Jersey, somebody leaves them and they breed...

Novak: What?

Mr. Goodman: Nobody released this fish into the lake.

Julie Forester: What're you talking about?

Mr. Goodman: [hurries to his office] This particular piranha vanished off the face of the Earth over 2 million years ago!

Novak: Um, where's he going?

Mr. Goodman: [shows the fossil; Novak and Julie see the live piranha almost exactly matches the fossil] Allow me...to introduce you... Pygocentrus nattereri, the original piranha. They used to swim the Colorado River, right up until the Pleistocene epoch! I still don't understand how you found one...alive!

Novak: We discovered a subterranean lake through a rift caused by the earthquake.

Mrs. Goodman: But, how could it have survived for so long, cut off from the surface?

Mr. Goodman: [looks at the piranha] CANNIBALISM. They must have fought each other to survive. Look...oh, the scars on the scales. Notice the eyes.

Julie Forester: Jesus, it's like he's staring back at you.

Mr. Goodman: [slowly lowers two tips of his fingers into the tank. The piranha rushes to bite them, Goodman pulls them away in the nick of time] No, no, no. Look, staring... sensing...

Novak: God, don't do that!

Mr. Goodman: Piranha hunt in packs. Not for protection, but the overwhelming force. They're organized, methodical. The first bite draws blood, the blood draws the pack.

Andrew Cunningham: Kelly, trust us. It's never cheating if it's with another chick.

Mr. Goodman: Piranha hunt in packs - not for protection, but for overwhelming force. They're organized, methodical. The first bite draws blood. The blood draws the pack.

Deputy Fallon: [kills piranhas with a motorboat propeller] Chew on this, motherfuckers!

Derrick Jones: Jake, they took my penis! They took my penis!

Professor Plum: It must've been Mr. Green who shot the singing telegram!

Mr. Green: I didn't do it!

Col. Mustard: Well, there's nobody else left!

Mr. Green: But I didn't do it! The gun is missing! Whoever's got the gun shot the girl!

Wadsworth: I shot her.

Col. Mustard, Mrs. Peacock, Mrs. White, Ms. Scarlet, Prof. Plum: You?!

Mr. Green: So it was you. I was going to expose you.

Wadsworth: I know. So I choose to expose myself.

Col. Mustard: Please! There are ladies present.

Wadsworth: You thought Mr. Boddy was dead, but why? None of you even met him until tonight.

Mr. Green: You're Mr. Boddy!

Prof. Plum: Wait a minute! So who did I kill?

Wadsworth: My butler.

Prof. Plum: Oh, shucks.

Wadsworth: He was expendable, like all of you. I'm grateful to you all for disposing of my network of spies and informers. Saved me a lot of trouble. Now there's no evidence against me.

Mrs. White: This all has nothing to do with my disappearing nuclear physicist husband or Colonel Mustard's work on the new top secret fusion bomb?

Wadsworth: No. Communism is just a red herring.

Mr. Green: But the police will be here any minute. You'll never get away with this, any of you.

Wadsworth: Why should the police come? Nobody's called them.

Mrs. Peacock: You mean-- Oh, my God! Of course!

Wadsworth: So why shouldn't we get away with it? We'll stack the bodies in the cellar, lock it, leave quietly one at a time, and forget that any of this ever happened.

Mr. Green: And you'll just- just go on blackmailing us all.

Wadsworth: Of course. Why not?

Mr. Green: Well, I'll tell you why not.

Wadsworth: [slumps to the floor, reaches a hand inside his coat, and looks at the blood on his fingers; He dies] Oh, good shot, Green! And very good.

Wadsworth: Professor Plum, you were once a professor of psychiatry specializing in helping paranoid and homicidal lunatics suffering from delusions of grandeur.

Professor Plum: Yes, but now I work for the United Nations.

Wadsworth: So I see your work has not changed.

Col. Mustard: Wadsworth, am I right in thinking there's nobody else in this house?

Wadsworth: Um... no.

Col. Mustard: Then there is someone else in this house?

Wadsworth: Sorry, I said "no" meaning "yes.

Col. Mustard: No" meaning "yes?" Look, I want a straight answer, is there someone else, or isn't there, yes, or no?

Wadsworth: No.

Col. Mustard: No there is, or no there isn't?

Wadsworth: Yes.

Mrs. White: [Smashes glass on fireplace] PLEASE! Don't you think we should get that man out of the house before he finds out what's been going on here!

Miss Scarlet: Yeah!

Professor Plum: How can we throw him outside in this weather?

Miss Scarlet: If we let him stay in the house, he may get suspicious!

Professor Plum: If we throw him out, he may get even more suspicious!

Col. Mustard: If I were him, I'd be suspicious already!

Mrs. Peacock: [hysterical] Oh, who cares? That guy doesn't matter! Let him stay locked up for another half an hour. The police will be here by then... and there are two dead bodies in the study!

All: Shhhhhhhhhhh!

Col. Mustard: Well, there is still some confusion as to whether or not there is anybody else in this house!

Wadsworth: I told you, there isn't.

Col. Mustard: There isn't any confusion, or there isn't anybody else?

Wadsworth: Either! Or both.

Col. Mustard: Just give me a clear answer!

Wadsworth: [clears throat] Certainly! What was the question?

Col. Mustard: [shouting] Is there anybody else in this house?

All: [shouting] No!

Mr. Dewey: Welcome to the library, young man. Don't tell me, you're here for a special book.

Richard Tyler: Uh, Mister...

Mr. Dewey: [starts speaking magically] Stop, stop stop, let me guess. I have a talent for guessing what people need. You're in need of... a fantasy. Brave knights, mythical faeries, ferocious dragons.

Richard Tyler: Look, all I want is...

Mr. Dewey: [grabbing him and speaking excitedly] Adventure! Of course, you're a boy who loves adventure, brimming with wicked demons, cutthroat pirates.

Richard Tyler: No, no. That's not it.

Mr. Dewey: [speaking scarily while creeping toward him; back to normal voice] Horror. Ahh, horror. Evil demons, wretched monsters, haunted houses, graveya-a-rds. Yes, it's horror for you, boy. I'm sure of it. Your library card, please.

Richard Tyler: Uh, I don't have one.

Mr. Dewey: [makes a library card appear magically] You do now.

Billy Maharg: See, Bill, what did I tell ya? It's the little champ!

Abe Attell: They don't take nickel bets here, fellas.

Bill Burns: Abe Attell, right?

Abe Attell: Yeah. And you...you were a ballplayer.

Bill Burns: Bill Burns.

Abe Attell: Sleepy" Bill Burns! Strictly bench material.

Bill Burns: I won a few games.

Abe Attell: [To Maharg] Well, you lost a few more. And you, my friend, didn't get that nose bobbing for apples.

Billy Maharg: I'm a fighter, sort of.

Abe Attell: Sort of. Let's see...Philly?

Billy Maharg: Yeah.

Abe Attell: Billy Maharg!

Billy Maharg: Yeah! You've seen me fight?

Abe Attell: Yeah, I've seen ya - you're a bum!

Billy Maharg: Hey!

Abe Attell: Yeah. So, what do you two birds want?

Billy Maharg: Word is that you work for Arnold Rothstein.

Bill Burns: We've got a proposition to make. Could mean big bucks.

Abe Attell: Well, I'm Mr. Rothstein's ears, so let's hear it.

Billy Maharg: (Eddie) Collins?

Bill Burns: Nah. Collins boy is the only one on the club getting paid what he's worth. Had it in his contract when he got traded.

Billy Maharg: What about Chick Gandil?

Bill Burns: [Gandil hits a foul ball] He might do business. Chickie's a sport.

Billy Maharg: Buck Weaver?

Bill Burns: [Weaver grounds out, and then kicks the ground in disgust] Bucky's one of the boys, but the thing about Bucky is he don't like to lose. Can't stand to lose. Put him on the "maybe" list.

Billy Maharg: What about (Ray) Schalk?

Bill Burns: Not a prayer.

Bill Burns: Eddie's getting old for the game. I know the feeling. You walk out there to the mound, with your arm hanging.

Billy Maharg: [Burns gives him a look] You couldn't pitch when you were young, Burnsie.

Bill Burns: Eddie's the key. If we don't get Eddie, we forget about it.

Billy Maharg: Guy could knock his brains out doing that!

Bill Burns: What brains? Shoeless Joe's ignorant; Hap Felsch is just dumb.

Judge Doom: [last words] I'M MELTING! MELTING! WAUGH-WAUGH-WAAAAH! Oh no!

Judge Doom: [after showing Eddie his true form: A toon; as his voice grows higher-pitched every second] Remember me, Eddie?! When I KILLED your brother, I TALKED. JUST. LIKE. THHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIS!!!

Judge Doom: ['''Jessica Rabbit:''' Oh, my God! It's '''DIP!!!'''] Can you guess what this is? That's right, my dear! Enough to dip Toontown off the face of the Earth!

Judge Doom: You see, Mr. Valiant, the successful conclusion of this case draws the curtains on my career as a jurist in Toontown. I am retiring to take a new role in the private sector.