The Rite - Family Expectations and Personal Identity
Eddie:
Wait, wait, wait, wait. Seminary school, really? Wait, is this your way of telling me you're gay?
Eddie:
I'm just joking. Okay? Joke.
Michael Kovak:
You don't get it. In my family, you're either a mortician or a priest. That's it.
Eddie:
Well, then change your name!
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Just Friends - A Harsh Reminder of Insecurities
Mike Brander:
You’ll always be fat to me, Chris!
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Just Friends - Siblings and Acceptance in Just Friends
Mike Brander:
Raise your hand if your brother's a homo!
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The Girl Next Door - Confrontation About Film School Choices
Film School Student:
Why'd you decide to skip film school? Don't you think you're a little young?
Eli:
SHUT THE FUCK UP! Next question.
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The Girl Next Door - Schoolgirls or Porn Stars?
Mrs. Kidman: [referring to Eli & Klitz's porn star dates]
Eli, do those girls go to your school?
Eli:
Actually, no, Mrs. Kidman, they're porn stars.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Girl Next Door - Repetitive Expressions Among Friends
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The Girl Next Door - Navigating Feelings in Unconventional Relationships
Eli:
Dude, don't mess this up.
Matthew:
Mess what up?
Eli:
Matt, she's a porn star! Okay? Take her to a motel room and bang her like a beast!
Matthew:
Eli, I like this girl.
Eli:
And you can still like her with your penis inside her. Matthew, I tell you that you're going to regret this. What would JFK do? You know he'd tap that ass.
Matthew:
Eli, you're never going to see her again.
Eli:
Oh, you know what? Fine!
Matthew:
Fine!
Eli:
Fine! Goddammit Matt! I swear to God if you don't fuck her, I'll kill myself! Matt! Please! Please! Matt! Fuck her for me! For me!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Girl Next Door - Uncomfortable Moments in Shared Experiences
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The Girl Next Door - The Importance of Balance in Friendship
Eli:
Okay, you know what the three of us are? We're a tripod.
Klitz:
A tripod?
Eli:
Yes, a tripod. Which means that if you knock out one of our legs, WE-ALL-FALL!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Girl Next Door - Desire for Connection and Release
Eli:
I just gotta fuck something.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Girl Next Door - Desire for Romantic Adventures
Eli:
God, I just wanna bang hot chicks!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Girl Next Door - Desperate Plea for Action and Connection
Eli:
Fine! Goddammit Matt! I swear to God if you don't fuck her, I'll kill myself! Matt! Please! Please! Matt! FUCK HER FOR ME! FOR ME!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.