Claire Forlani Quotes

Allison I should have my head examined again.

Susan Parrish Love, passion, obsession, all those things you told me to wait for, well, they've arrived. What are you afraid of, Dad? That I'll fall head over heels for Joe? Well, I have.

Jamaican Woman It nice it happen to you. Like you come to the island and had a holiday. Sun didn't burn you red-red, just brown. You sleep and no mosquito eat you. But the truth is, it bound to happen if you stay long enough. So take that nice picture you got in your head home with you, but don't be fooled. We lonely here mostly too. If we lucky, maybe, we got some nice pictures to take with us.

Brandi Suitor Number Three, is your kiss like a soft breeze, a firm handshake, or a jackhammer?

Gill Definitely a jackhammer. I'm in there with some pressure, and when I'm done you're not the same as before. You're changed.

Brodie Where do you come up with this shit?! That is the cheesiest response to an honest question I've ever heard! I saw you kiss and it wasn't even anything like that!

Gill Who the hell did you see me kiss?

Brodie Some dude backstage. I don't know who he was, but he seemed unimpressed.

Gill I didn't kiss any guy backstage. I swear! I'm not gay.

Brodie Hey, suitor-ette, this guy's a homo-phobe! You heard how repulsed he sounded! Is this the kind of guy you wanna spend a vacation with, this hate-monger?

Gill I don't hate gay people!

Brodie So you love them?

Gill Yes! I mean, no.

Brodie Textbook closet case. Self-loather. Can't be comfortable with his own sexuality.

Brandi Suitor Number Three, what would our first date be like?

Gill Hicks Well, uh, first I'd take you shopping to stores you wanna shop in, and then we'd do a little lunch, probably at the Cheese Haus, followed by some golfing. And then at night, we'd take in an opera, probably Die Fledermaus, and then I'd follow it up with a drive to a secluded beach where I'd pop on the radio and we could slow-dance til the sun came up.

Brodie That was the biggest load of crap I've ever heard! I mean, look at you. You're the kind of guy who would beg for sex. And I should know, we can smell our own.

Susan Parrish Tell me you love me now.

Joe Black I love you now. I love you always.

Joe Black I want to be friends.

Susan Parrish I have many friends.

Joe Black I have none.

Susan Parrish What will we do now?

The Man from the Coffee Shop It'll come to us.

Brandi Second suitor, would you ever make whoopee in public?

Brodie Already did once today. But my cousin Walter jerked off in public once. True story. He was on a plane to New Mexico when all of the sudden the hydraulics went. The plane started spinning around, going out of control. So he decides it's all over and whips it out and starts beating it right there. So all the other passengers take a cue from him and they start whipping it out and beating like mad. So all the passengers are beating off, plummeting to their certain doom, when all of the sudden, the hydraulics kick back in, and the plane rights itself. It lands safely and everyone puts their pieces or, whatever you know, away and deboard. Nobody mentions the phenomenon to anyone else.

Gill Well, did he cum, or what?

Brodie Jesus Christ, man! There's just some things you don't talk about in public!