Conchata Ferrell Quotes

Daisy Say hello to Mom for me.

Kat No, I'll be late for my interview.

Daisy Well, then you better hurry!

Kat I've been three times this week.

Daisy Four, and you go to Heaven.

Daisy Kat, such a good girl. Where did we go wrong with her sister Daisy?

Leona Honey, you'd do just fine if you just used your head a little more.

Daisy Yeah, well, don't worry about me. I'm gonna slingin pizza for the rest of my life.

Aunt Dorothy I'm old enough to know when life is coming at me with its pants down.

Diana Christensen I think we can get a hell of a Movie of the Week out of it, maybe even a series...Look, we've got a bunch of hobgoblin radicals called the Ecumenical Liberation Army who go around taking home movies of themselves robbing banks. Maybe they'll take movies of themselves kidnapping heiresses, hijacking 747's, bombing bridges, assassinating ambassadors. We'd open each week's segment with their authentic footage, hire a couple of writers to write some story behind that footage, and we've got ourselves a series.

George Bosch A series about a bunch of, uh, bank-robbing guerrillas?

Barbara Schlesinger What are we gonna call it - the ] Hour?

Diana Christensen Why not? They've got Strike Force', Task Force', SWAT'. Why not ] and his own little Mod Squad'. Look, I sent you all a concept analysis report yesterday. Did any of you read it? Well, in a nutshell, it said, The American people are turning sullen. They've been clobbered on all sides by ], ], the inflation, the depression. They've turned off, shot up, and they've screwed themselves limp and nothing helps. So this concept analysis report concludes, The American people want somebody to articulate their rage for them. I've been telling you people since I took this job six months ago that I want angry shows. I don't want conventional programming on this network. I want counter-culture. I want anti-establishment. I don't want to play butch boss with you people. But when I took over this department, it had the worst programming record in television history. This network hasn't one show in the top 20. This network is an industry joke. We better start putting together one winner for next September. I want a show developed, based on the activities of a terrorist group. Joseph Stalin and his Merry Band of Bolsheviks. I want ideas from you people. That is what you're paid for. And, by the way, the next time I send an audience research report around, you'd all better read it or I'll sack the fuckin lot of you, is that clear?

Omi Please, listen...

Aunt Dorothy English. I knew it.

Daisy Jesus Christ, these shoes are killing me.

Leona Daisy, do you have to talk like that?

Daisy I'm sorry, I meant to say These fucking shoes are killing me.

Jordan We know you still believe in the big fat creeper!

Max I don't know what you're talking about!

Stevie Are you sure about that?

Beth Stop!

Stevie Dear Santa, I know I haven't been great this year and I'm sorry for that, but I was really hoping you can help out me and my family this Christmas. We need you!" Oh, Maxi-Pad. That is so s...

Beth Stop, Max!

Stevie Blah blah blah. Bullshit, bullshit. Ah, here we go, Maxie's wishlist!

Beth Stevie, stop! That's enough!

Stevie Wait, you're up first, Beth! "I wish me and Beth could hang out like we used to. Might've noticed that I don't have tons of friends." Oh no, really Max? "I wish my Mom and Dad could fall in love again. I know they get upset a lot with Dad away from home so much. I think they really just miss each other." "Also, I wish things weren't so hard for Uncle Howard and Aunt Linda. So, maybe you can lend them a hand for the rest of the year. And... and that..." Screw you, Dad does not wish we were boys!

Sarah Who wants crème brûlée?

Max Give me the letter!

Tom Hey! Max?

Howard Alright, that's enough!

Tom You okay? Honey!

Max I just wanted Christmas to be like it used to be, but forget it! I hate Christmas! I hate all of you!

Sarah Max? Max!

Aunt Dorothy Oh, lay off of him! Kid deserves a prize for telling the truth!

Jan Where were you kickin'? I ain't got no balls, dummy!

Jojo I bet if we had designer pizza...

Leona It'd taste like that magazine there.

Jojo Oh, come on, Leona. A little dry white wine, some smoked clams, some sun-dried tomatoes...

Daisy I think we should do it, Leona.

Leona Listen, young ladies. We have the real thing right here. The Mystic Pizza. Spices from the Algarve back in Portugal. My grandfather taught my father how to make it. And my father taught me. And one of these days, when I retire, I just might teach one of you. It's tradition. And...

Jojo, Daisy, Kat, Leona You don't monkey with tradition!

Daisy Amen!

Max Are we going to be okay?

Max What?

Aunt Dorothy She said we're fucked!

Cedar Excuse me. Is Mr. Deeds around?

Jan No, I'm sorry. He's out making deliveries. The regular delivery guy called in sick. But you don't look too sick to me, Murph.

Murph Oh! I forgot I was fakin sick today. You two tricked me into comin here.

Jan Murph, put on an apron and gimme a hand.

Murph You guys played me like a fiddle. Touche!

Cecil Is Mrs. Deeds around?