Corey HaimQuotes

Edgar Frog: Cut the theatrics!! I know you're out there! Show yourself. That's a good way to get yourself staked, Sam.

Sam Emerson: Easy there, compadre. After all the stuff that you pulled? I think you can at least hear me out. I mean, I feel like you owe me that.

Edgar: You really expect me to act like nothing ever happened?

Sam: No. I've already forgiven you. It's water under the bridge.

Edgar: Stay there! You don't want it to go down like this.

Sam: Oh, it's going down like this.

Edgar: I'm warning you...

Sam: Hey, I'm trembling.

Maggie: [at the hospital, she begins to cry] You could have gotten killed.

Lucas: Did we win?

Maggie: No way.

Lucas: Boy. They sure were big.

Maggie: [she laughs] I don't want you ever playing football again.

Luca: Okay.

Maggie: You.

Lucas: Magpie.

Maggie: Locust. They're all gone, you know. The locusts. I was just outside. They aren't making any noise anymore.

Lucas: Not for 17 years.

Lucas: I'm sorry for doing this.

Maggie: I guess you had to.

Lucas: Yeah.

Maggie: [both smile] You know, survival of the species and all. What are you thinking?

Lucas: I'm just wondering where we'll be when they come back.

Maggie: Who?

Lucas: The locusts.

Maggie: Gosh, I don't know.

Lucas: You'll be 33.

Maggie: Oh, wow.

Lucas: I'll be 31 1/2. I wonder if we'll still know each other.

Maggie: I don't know.

Lucas: I hope so.

Maggie: Oh, me too.

Coach: What the hell are you doing?

Lucas: I'm ready to go in. I can run fast. I can win this game.

Coach: Just get out of here, will you?

Lucas: Look, just give me one chance. One play.

Coach: Get out of here, I said. Get off of the field.

Lucas: Look, I'll make you a deal. You have nothing to lose. They're whipping your ass, anyway.

Coach: Listen to me...

Lucas: Put me in, I'll never come back, I swear. Just let me play today. You have nothing to lose, just let me in.

Coach: Hear me good, you pissant, because I'm only going to tell you one more time.

Lucas: Don't you call me that. Don't you call me a pissant, you dumb, fucking jock.

Coach: What'd you say?

Lucas: You heard me, pencil-brain. I mean, who are we kidding here, who is the pissant? The second-rate coach of a third rate team or me?

Coach: What's your name?

Lucas: Lucas.

Coach: I mean your last name!

Lucas: Bly.

Coach: You're right, Bly. I've got nothing to lose by sending you in. Karger out! Bly in!

Lucas: What position?

Coach: Prone.

Maggie: [joins Lucas under the bridge] Come on out, Lucas. I know you're in there. I can see your feet. Have you been crying?

Lucas: Yeah. So what? I mean, wimps do that. Didn't you know? Just like big, strong guys.

Maggie: What do you want me to do, Lucas?

Lucas: I don't care. Just keep doing what you're doing. Go to bed with him.

Maggie: That's not fair.

Lucas: Yeah, a lot of things aren't fair.

Maggie: Lucas, you and I were just friends.

Lucas: Why?

Maggie: What do you mean, why?

Lucas: I mean, why just friends?

Maggie: Because that's all we were.

Lucas: Yeah, but why?

Maggie: Well, you're 14.

Lucas: Romeo was 14.

Maggie: I don't know, Lucas. There are certain people you like in a certain way, and others you like as a friend. I don't know why. You know about science, do you know why?

Lucas: Yeah. Actually, I do. It's called the process of natural selection. You ever heard of Darwin? The males who demonstrate physical prowess are the most attractive to the females. And by breeding with the strongest males, the females ensure survival of the species.

Maggie: You know how wonderful you are?

Lucas: Yeah, but it doesn't turn you on, does it?

Maggie: Lucas, we're just friends.

Maggie: What am I going to do with you?

Lucas: [Heartbroken, he gets up and goes to the nest; eyes her] Go away. Go. Leave! LEAVE!! GO!! GO AWAY!!!

Bruno: Leukoplakia! They actually found a jock strap to fit you? Somebody should stop by home ec. tomorrow to pick up a thimble. Or maybe a thimble is too big. How about a contact lens and a band aid?

Lucas: Are you referring to the size of my penis?

Bruno: Yeah, I am.

Lucas: With a flaccid penis, it's the number of folds that count. Besides, I'm not semi-erect like some of you guys here.

Bruno: What did you say?

Lucas: A University of Chicago study. You can tell the fags in a warm shower by who's got the longest dong. Hey, yours seems to be growing even now.

Bruno: The hell it is!

Lucas: It IS, look!

Coach: What the hell are you?

Lucas: Excuse me?

Coach: Who suited you up?

Lucas: Well, I'd like to speak to you about that. This equipment just doesn't fit.

Coach: No, that's not the problem. It's you that don't fit. Now go turn it in.

Lucas: Excuse me. I can run really fast when I concentrate.

Coach: [yells to the other players] I said turn it in. Now, get off the field. All right, everybody inside for chalk talk! Shower up, first. Let's go, go, go, go, go, go!

Lucas: [Lucas does a few little spins left and right] You're making a big mistake. I'll be good at this. I can lower my center of gravity. See? Look. See? And my size, I gotta run fast. If they catch me, I'm dead.

Coach: Just, listen, little buddy. We got our first game this Saturday against Rockford and I don't have time to dick around with you.

Lucas: Well, I'm afraid... you'll have to, sir... dick around with me. The Supreme Court, by virtue of the sexual discrimination act says, that if anyone tries out for a team sport has to be given the same chance as everyone else. Now, if you wish to cut me based on my performance, that's your right, but I'll take you to court if you try it before.

Coach: What's this shit?

Lucas: I looked it up. My family's in law.

Lucas: So, you ready to go?

Maggie: I don't think we can go, Lucas.

Lucas: Why not?

Maggie: Cappie and Alise broke up today.

Lucas: But aren't they here?

Maggie: Cappie's here, and he's very depressed. Sit down.

Maggie: She was jealous, or she doesn't like me or something. She said she'd break up with him if he went through with it. She didn't want to go with us, Luke. So, I think we have to call it off.

Lucas: I have my bike. We can still go.

Maggie: He kind of needs someone with him tonight. I don't want to leave him by himself. He had tears in his eyes when he came over tonight. Can you imagine that big, strong guy crying?

Cappie: Hi, Luke. I am sorry, Bud. Am I a drag, or what?

Lucas: Listen. I think you should come to the dance with us. I think it'd cheer you up.

Cappie: Naw. I'd feel like a third wheel. We were thinking of going out for a pizza. Why don't you come with us?

Maggie: Yeah, why don't you?

Lucas: You're going out for pizza.

Cappie: Well, it's just a suggestion.

Lucas: If you're so depressed how come you're eating pizza?

Cappie: Maybe I should just go home.

Lucas: No. Go eat pizza. Don't let me spoil your depression.

Maggie: Are you okay? Where are you going?

Lucas: To the dance.

Maggie: By yourself?

Lucas: Hey, I'm a party animal.

Maggie: I think I'm going to do this today.

Lucas: Cheerleading?

Maggie: Well, check it out.

Lucas: What for?

Maggie: I might want to do it.

Lucas: What, be a cheerleader?

Maggie: I don't know. Is that all right, Lucas?

Maggie: Well, the way you were looking at me.

Lucas: Whatever. We can collect tadpoles tomorrow.

Maggie: Well, If I like it, I will be doing it tomorrow, too. They practice everyday.

Maggie: It sounds like fun, Lucas. well, didn't you hear what they said? Away games and buses and stuff.

Lucas: I guess everybody has their own idea of fun. Some people go to football games. Other people do less superficial things.

Maggie: Look, just because you don't approve of something, doesn't mean other people don't have a right to enjoy it. You're in the band aren't you?

Lucas: Yeah?

Maggie: So?

Lucas: So?

Maggie: So the band goes to football games!

Lucas: We're totally different!

Maggie: Why?

Lucas: Because the band does not have fun there!

Maggie: Then why do you do it?

Lucas: I don't know.

Maggie: Well, figure it out, and in the meantime don't call people superficial because they just want to have fun. Look, I'm new here. I don't know anybody. Why can't you be helpful and understanding about that?

Maggie: [[w:leukoplakia|leukoplakia] Why do they call you ]? Does it mean something?

Lucas: Leukoplakia is cancer of the mouth.

Bruno: Luke, Luke! Get that ball away and puke! Ben and Luke! I'm going to puke!

Lucas: Let's go...

Ben: Don't let him scare you away!

Lucas: Scare me away?

Ben: Yeah, just tell him to eat shit.

Uncle Red: I mean, uh, what the heck you gonna shoot a .44 bullet at anyway... made out of silver?

Marty Coslaw: How about a werewolf?

Jane Coslaw: In the made-up stories, the guy who's the werewolf only changes when the moon is full, but maybe he's like this almost all the time, only as the moon gets fuller...

Marty Coslaw: ...the guy gets wolfier.

Uncle Red: You wanna know what I think?

Marty Coslaw: No, we just called you out here to admire your pretty little face.

Uncle Red: You better watch your mouth, right now. You're on thin ice with me, son.

Uncle Red: Where's your Mom?

Marty Coslaw: She and Dad are out back lighting the barbecue, yeah, and Jane's walking around in all these new clothes showing off her tits, acting like no one ever had tits before her.

Randy: [''To Eve''; ''Holds up hand in a manner implying [[w:domestic violence|domestic violence; ''Gets thrown onto a parked car by Eve of unexplained superhuman strength''] Look, baby. All right, I'm tryin to be cool to you, but I will drop the hammer. You want me to drop the hammer, baby?

Sam Emerson: [to Star] Don't kill anybody until we get back to you!

Sam Emerson: [Star floats up] It's that girl from the boardwalk. Is she one of them?... She's one of them! And don't tell me it doesn't make her a bad person, Mike!

Sam Emerson: Don't kill me, Mike. I'm basically a good kid, so just don't kill me.

Sam Emerson: Look at your reflection in the mirror. You're a creature of the night, Michael. Just like out of a comic book. You're a vampire, Michael! My own brother, a damn blood-sucking vampire! You wait til Mom finds out, buddy!

Sam Emerson: You need sunglasses to talk on the phone? Are you freebasing, Michael? Inquiring minds want to know.

Sam Emerson: What's wrong with this picture? There's no TV! Have you seen a TV, Mike? I haven't seen a TV. Do you know what it means when there's no TV? No MTV.