Dan MarinoQuotes

Einhorn: SHOOT HIM! SHOOT HIM!!!!!!

Emilio: [Melissa drags Emilio into the area with a gun pointed at him] Hold your fire! Don't shoot.

Melissa: [cocks gun and puts it under Emilio's chin] Put your guns down or this cop gets it. I mean it!

Emilio: She's not joking!

Einhorn: HE KIDNAPPED SNOWFLAKE! HE KILLED ROGER PODACTER, AND HE WAS JUST ABOUT TO KILL DAN MARINO AND ME!

Ace: [[Fiction; [fun; takes deep breath and begins speaking faster; gasps for air] Oh-ho-HO! ] can be ]! But I find the reference section much more enlightening. For instance: if you were to look up professional football's all-time bonehead plays...you might read about a Miami Dolphin kicker named Ray Finkle, who missed a 26-yard field goal in the closing seconds of Super Bowl XVII. What you WOULDN'T read about is how Ray Finkle lost his mind, was committed to a mental hospital, only to escape and join the police force under the assumed identity of a missing hiker, manipulating his way to the top in a diabolical scheme to get even with Dan Marino whom he blamed for the entire thing!

Aguado: What the hell are you talking about?

Ace: [pointing at Einhorn] SHE'S NOT LOIS EINHORN! She's Ray Finkle! She's a man!

Einhorn: He's lying...SHOOT HIM!

Ace: [laughs; pulls on Einhorn's hair, assuming it's a wig; rips open Einhorn's blouse; rips Einhorn's skirt off] Let's just see who's lying, shall we? Would a real woman have to wear one of these? Boy, that's really on there! But tell me this...would a real woman be missing these? That kind of surgery can be done over the weekend! But I doubt very much if he could find the time during his... busy schedule...to get rid of big ol Mr. Knish! Heh heh...oh, boy.

Dan Marino: Psst, Ace...come here.

Ace: [Ace walks over to Marino, who whispers to him; Ace grabs Einhorn and spins her around, making everyone gasp in shock] Would you excuse me for just one second? Ladies and gentlemen...my esteemed colleague, Mr. Marino, has just brought some new evidence to my attention. Now, history has certainly shown that even the most intuitive criminal investigator can be wrong from time to time. But if I am mistaken...if the Lieutenant is indeed a woman, as she claims to be...then, my friend, she is suffering from the worst case of hemorrhoids I HAVE EVER SEEN! THAT'S WHY ROGER PODACTER IS DEAD! HE FOUND CAPTAIN WINKY!

Ace: Goodnight, everybody! You've been a wonderful audience! I'll be here all week. Be sure to tip your waitress.

Finkle: DIE, ANIMAL BOOOOYYY!!!!!

Ace: Quick decision.

Finkle: No, whoa! Aagh!

Ace: Loser!

Ace Ventura: [begging; indicates Marino] Don't kill me! Please! I'll never tell anyone, I swear... He's the one you want! Kill him!

Dan Marino: No, kill him! He's the detective!

Ventura: [startled at Einhorn shooting into the air] No, kill him! He held the ball wrong, remember?! Come on, look at the guy!

Marino: [to Ace] Crybaby.

Ventura: [to Dan] Jock.

Marino: Wimp.

Ventura: Musclehead.

Lois Einhorn: SHUT UP! I think I'll kill the dolphin first, I wouldn't want you to miss that!