Memorable Quotes from Dan Marino
2 quotesConfusion in a Tense Standoff
Ace Ventura
Don't kill me! Please! I'll never tell anyone, I swear... He's the one you want! Kill him!
[begging; indicates Marino]
Dan Marino
No, kill him! He's the detective!
Ventura
No, kill him! He held the ball wrong, remember?! Come on, look at the guy!
[startled at Einhorn shooting into the air]
Marino
Crybaby.
[to Ace]
Ventura
Jock.
[to Dan]
Marino
Wimp.
Ventura
Musclehead.
Lois Einhorn
SHUT UP! I think I'll kill the dolphin first, I wouldn't want you to miss that!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Tension Escalates in a Hostage Situation
Einhorn
SHOOT HIM! SHOOT HIM!!!!!!
Emilio
Hold your fire! Don't shoot.
[Melissa drags Emilio into the area with a gun pointed at him]
Melissa
Put your guns down or this cop gets it. I mean it!
[cocks gun and puts it under Emilio's chin]
Emilio
She's not joking!
Einhorn
HE KIDNAPPED SNOWFLAKE! HE KILLED ROGER PODACTER, AND HE WAS JUST ABOUT TO KILL DAN MARINO AND ME!
Ace
Oh-ho-HO! ] can be ]! But I find the reference section much more enlightening. For instance: if you were to look up professional football's all-time bonehead plays...you might read about a Miami Dolphin kicker named Ray Finkle, who missed a 26-yard field goal in the closing seconds of Super Bowl XVII. What you WOULDN'T read about is how Ray Finkle lost his mind, was committed to a mental hospital, only to escape and join the police force under the assumed identity of a missing hiker, manipulating his way to the top in a diabolical scheme to get even with Dan Marino whom he blamed for the entire thing!
[[Fiction; [fun; takes deep breath and begins speaking faster; gasps for air]
Aguado
What the hell are you talking about?
Ace
SHE'S NOT LOIS EINHORN! She's Ray Finkle! She's a man!
[pointing at Einhorn]
Einhorn
He's lying...SHOOT HIM!
Ace
Let's just see who's lying, shall we? Would a real woman have to wear one of these? Boy, that's really on there! But tell me this...would a real woman be missing these? That kind of surgery can be done over the weekend! But I doubt very much if he could find the time during his... busy schedule...to get rid of big ol Mr. Knish! Heh heh...oh, boy.
[laughs; pulls on Einhorn's hair, assuming it's a wig; rips open Einhorn's blouse; rips Einhorn's skirt off]
Dan Marino
Psst, Ace...come here.
Ace
Would you excuse me for just one second? Ladies and gentlemen...my esteemed colleague, Mr. Marino, has just brought some new evidence to my attention. Now, history has certainly shown that even the most intuitive criminal investigator can be wrong from time to time. But if I am mistaken...if the Lieutenant is indeed a woman, as she claims to be...then, my friend, she is suffering from the worst case of hemorrhoids I HAVE EVER SEEN! THAT'S WHY ROGER PODACTER IS DEAD! HE FOUND CAPTAIN WINKY!
[Ace walks over to Marino, who whispers to him; Ace grabs Einhorn and spins her around, making everyone gasp in shock]
Ace
Goodnight, everybody! You've been a wonderful audience! I'll be here all week. Be sure to tip your waitress.
Finkle
DIE, ANIMAL BOOOOYYY!!!!!
Ace
Quick decision.
Finkle
No, whoa! Aagh!
Ace
Loser!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.