The Cat in the Hat - Exciting Announcement for Astounding Cupcake Product
Announcer:
Live from the kitchen, the following is a paid commercial announcement for Astounding Products.
The Guy in the Sweater: [applause]
Hi! Welcome to Astounding Products. I'm your host, the guy in the sweater who asks all the obvious questions. Now, here to tell us about his astounding product for making cupcakes, all the way from {{w|Cheshire}}, England, please welcome...
Cheshire Cat: [applause]
ME! Hello! Now...Hello. I'm so excited! Do you love making cupcakes but hate all the hard cupcake work?
The Guy in the Sweater: [laughs]
I know I do.
Cheshire Cat: [slides appliances off the counter; brings out the Cupcake-Inator; laughs]
Well, forget everything you know about making cupcakes and say hello... ...for the amazing Cupcake-Inator. I'm so excited!
The Guy in the Sweater:
Cupcake-a-what?
Cheshire Cat: [the crowd joins in]
CUPCAKE-INATOR! Alright, this amazing device can instantly make cupcakes out of anything that you have in the kitchen.
The Guy in the Sweater:
Wait a minute, did you say "anything"?
Cheshire Cat:
Anything!
The Guy in the Sweater:
Anything?
Cheshire Cat:
Yes, anything.
The Guy in the Sweater:
Anything?
Cheshire Cat:
Anything.
The Guy in the Sweater:
Anything?
Cheshire Cat: [angrily turns to the guy in the sweater; the crowd laughs; says what he puts in the Cupcake-Inator]
I'll get you and it'll look like a bloody accident! Anything. Now, let's see, take off the lid. You can put in, I don't know why, a carton of eggs.
The Guy in the Sweater: [amazed]
What?!
Cheshire Cat:
How about a pack of hot dogs?
The Guy in the Sweater: [laughing]
That's incredible!
Cheshire Cat:
Why not some ketchup?
The Guy in the Sweater:
Yes, why not?!
Cheshire Cat: [closes the lid]
How about...? I know what you're thinking. Even a fire extinguisher. There we go. Now, close for the lid and Bob's your flippin uncle.
The Guy in the Sweater: [laughs]
What an astounding product!
The Cat in the Hat:
Oh yeah!
Cheshire Cat: [drawer open; a purple solution pours out; drawer closes; applause while the guy in the sweater dances and the Cupcake-Inator is placed in the oven]
Open for the drawer. Fill up the patented Cupcake-Inator tray. Close for the drawer. Then place it in a conventional oven. Delicious cupcakes are just minutes away.
The Guy in the Sweater: [the crowd joins in]
Did you just say "minutes away"? That's impossible!
Cheshire Cat: [the crowd groans]
You're not just wrong, you're stupid.
The Guy in the Sweater:
Now wait just a minute...
Cheshire Cat:
And your ugly, just like your mum.
The Guy in the Sweater:
Did you just call my mother ugly?
Cheshire Cat: [furiously holds up a meat cutter; violently grunts as he accidentally cuts off his tail, leaving Conrad, Sally and the Cat staring in disbelief]
OH, SHUT UP! I MEAN IT! I WILL END YOU!
Sally:
Um, Cat... Your tail.
Cheshire Cat: [shockingly sees his tail cut in half, then angrily curses]
What about it? Oh, I see. I've chopped it off. Well, that's interesting because... SON OF A----
Cat:
Look, I'm not saying we're going to sue. I'm just saying we have a case. We'll talk later. Ixnay, ixnay.
Conrad:
Cat, is the oven supposed to be making that sound?
Cat:
Of course. That means they're almost done, Conrack.
Conrad:
Conrad.
Cat:
That's what I said, Condor.
Conrad:
Cat!
Cat:
Now, that's my name!
Cat:
Yep. They're done!
Conrad:
Oh, man!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.