Memorable Quotes from Daran Norris
1 quoteExciting Announcement for Astounding Cupcake Product
Announcer
Live from the kitchen, the following is a paid commercial announcement for Astounding Products.
The Guy in the Sweater
Hi! Welcome to Astounding Products. I'm your host, the guy in the sweater who asks all the obvious questions. Now, here to tell us about his astounding product for making cupcakes, all the way from {{w|Cheshire}}, England, please welcome...
[applause]
Cheshire Cat
ME! Hello! Now...Hello. I'm so excited! Do you love making cupcakes but hate all the hard cupcake work?
[applause]
The Guy in the Sweater
I know I do.
[laughs]
Cheshire Cat
Well, forget everything you know about making cupcakes and say hello... ...for the amazing Cupcake-Inator. I'm so excited!
[slides appliances off the counter; brings out the Cupcake-Inator; laughs]
The Guy in the Sweater
Cupcake-a-what?
Cheshire Cat
CUPCAKE-INATOR! Alright, this amazing device can instantly make cupcakes out of anything that you have in the kitchen.
[the crowd joins in]
The Guy in the Sweater
Wait a minute, did you say "anything"?
Cheshire Cat
Anything!
The Guy in the Sweater
Anything?
Cheshire Cat
Yes, anything.
The Guy in the Sweater
Anything?
Cheshire Cat
Anything.
The Guy in the Sweater
Anything?
Cheshire Cat
I'll get you and it'll look like a bloody accident! Anything. Now, let's see, take off the lid. You can put in, I don't know why, a carton of eggs.
[angrily turns to the guy in the sweater; the crowd laughs; says what he puts in the Cupcake-Inator]
The Guy in the Sweater
What?!
[amazed]
Cheshire Cat
How about a pack of hot dogs?
The Guy in the Sweater
That's incredible!
[laughing]
Cheshire Cat
Why not some ketchup?
The Guy in the Sweater
Yes, why not?!
Cheshire Cat
How about...? I know what you're thinking. Even a fire extinguisher. There we go. Now, close for the lid and Bob's your flippin uncle.
[closes the lid]
The Guy in the Sweater
What an astounding product!
[laughs]
The Cat in the Hat
Oh yeah!
Cheshire Cat
Open for the drawer. Fill up the patented Cupcake-Inator tray. Close for the drawer. Then place it in a conventional oven. Delicious cupcakes are just minutes away.
[drawer open; a purple solution pours out; drawer closes; applause while the guy in the sweater dances and the Cupcake-Inator is placed in the oven]
The Guy in the Sweater
Did you just say "minutes away"? That's impossible!
[the crowd joins in]
Cheshire Cat
You're not just wrong, you're stupid.
[the crowd groans]
The Guy in the Sweater
Now wait just a minute...
Cheshire Cat
And your ugly, just like your mum.
The Guy in the Sweater
Did you just call my mother ugly?
Cheshire Cat
OH, SHUT UP! I MEAN IT! I WILL END YOU!
[furiously holds up a meat cutter; violently grunts as he accidentally cuts off his tail, leaving Conrad, Sally and the Cat staring in disbelief]
Sally
Um, Cat... Your tail.
Cheshire Cat
What about it? Oh, I see. I've chopped it off. Well, that's interesting because... SON OF A----
[shockingly sees his tail cut in half, then angrily curses]
Cat
Look, I'm not saying we're going to sue. I'm just saying we have a case. We'll talk later. Ixnay, ixnay.
Conrad
Cat, is the oven supposed to be making that sound?
Cat
Of course. That means they're almost done, Conrack.
Conrad
Conrad.
Cat
That's what I said, Condor.
Conrad
Cat!
Cat
Now, that's my name!
Cat
Yep. They're done!
Conrad
Oh, man!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.