David Kelly Quotes

Charlie Sorry we're late. We were brainstorming.

Grandpa George Thought I heard thunder.

Mr. Bucket You staying for dinner, Willy?

Willy Yes, please.

Grandpa Joe I'll shuffle the plates.

Grandma Georgina You smell like peanuts. I love peanuts.

Willy Oh, thank you. You smell like... old people. And soap. I like it.

Grandpa Joe Wouldn't it be something, Charlie, to open a bar of candy and find a Golden Ticket inside?

Charlie I know. But I only get one bar a year. For my birthday.

Mrs. Bucket Well, it's your birthday next week.

Grandma Josephine You have as much chance as anybody does.

Grandpa George Balderdash. The kids who're going to find the Golden Tickets are the ones who can afford to buy candy bars every day. Our Charlie gets only one a year. He doesn't have a chance.

Grandma Josephine Everyone has a chance, Charlie.

Grandpa George Mark my words. The kid who finds the first ticket will be fat, fat, fat!

Michael O'Sullivan (talking about the death of Ned Devine, a retired fisherman who died from the shock of winning the lottery) He survived all those storms to be washed away by a few plastic lottery balls.

Charlie Hasn't someone asked Mr. Wonka?

Grandpa Joe Nobody sees him anymore. He never comes out.

Ossie What's his name?

Grandfather He's called ].

Ossie But why's he called that?

Grandfather Because he came from a land under the sea.

Grandma Josephine Tell him about the Indian prince. He'd love to hear that.

Grandpa Joe You mean Prince Pondicherry? Well, Prince Pondicherry wrote a letter to Mr. Wonka, and asked him to travel all the way out to India. And build him a colossal palace entirely out of chocolate.

Willy It'll have 100 rooms, and everything will be made either dark or light chocolate.

Grandpa Joe True to his word, the bricks were chocolate, and the cement holding them together was chocolate. All the walls and ceilings were made of chocolate as well. So were the carpets, and the pictures, and the furniture.

Prince Pondicherry It is perfect… in every way.

Willy Yeah, but it wouldn't last long. You'd better start eating right now.

Prince Pondicherry Nonsense. I will not eat my palace. I intend to live in it.

Grandpa Joe But Mr. Wonka was right, of course. Soon after this, there came a very hot day with a boiling sun.

Doc Most of the guys in here have nothing. Never had to start with. But you, you had everything they ever dreamed of. And you threw it all away.

Doc Only does your nut in if you don't think you should be here. Look at me. Sweet old geezer, eh? A bit bumbly, full of jail-block wisdom, cornerstone of the nick, put in with the foundations, right? Right. I didn't get to be the oldest lag for breaking windows. Villains spend their lives shitting themselves that other criminals are going to see to them. So they get their retaliation in first, and twice as nasty. A bloke was coming after me. So I, er... I went around to his digs and lobbed a grenade in the window. Left over after the war, you know, army surplus. I didn't know, but he had his little nipper and his bird in there with him. The house went up like Guy Fawkes Night. No-one came out. He'd barricaded the door with furniture in case I came around. By the time they got in, the screaming had stopped. Thirteen months old, learning to walk, apparently. Nothing I can do is ever going to make up for that, is it?