David Krumholtz Quotes - Best Lines & Interviews

Memorable Quotes from David Krumholtz

16 quotes

The Santa Clause 2

A Call for Maturity from Bernard

Bernard Curtis, you're 900 years old. Grow up!

[to Curtis; frustrated]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Serenity

Emotional Reflections on a Beautiful Ceremony

Mr. Universe It was a very beautiful ceremony. Lenore wrote her own vows. I cried. Like a baby. A hungry, angry baby.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Serenity

Appreciation for Intense Chaos

Mr. Universe You guys always bring me the very best violence.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Santa Clause

Naughty or Nice: The Gift Classification System

Bernard Look, you put the "P" next to the kids who are nice, and a "C" next to the naughty ones.

Scott P" and "C"?

Charlie Yeah. "P" for present, "C" for coal. Right, Bernard?

Bernard Right.

Scott Wait a minute, how do I know who's good and bad?

Bernard You'll know.

Scott What if I don't wanna do this?

Bernard Don't even kid about a thing like that!

[in a stern tone]

Scott Why not? What if I don't buy in to this Santa Clause thing? What if I choose not to believe it?

Bernard Then there would be millions of disappointed children around the world. You see, children hold the spirit of Christmas within their hearts. You wouldn't wanna be responsible for killing the spirit of Christmas now, would you... Santa?

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Santa Clause 2

A Call for Calm and Assurance

Bernard Stay where you are! Don't be afraid!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Life with Mikey

Frustration with Unpleasant Tasks

Barry Corman How much of this crap do I have to eat anyway? What am I? Jobe?

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Santa Clause 2

Toy Santa Declares No More Toys This Christmas

Toy Santa Can I have your attention? Stop the work, please. Everybody, stop the work. Merry Christmas! That's nice. I have a little announcement to make. From this moment forward, we're not gonna make any more toys.

[wearing an admiral uniform; the elves stopped working]

Elves What? Huh?

[confused]

Toy Santa The children of the world don't deserve these presents. They're running rampant with naughtiness. So, for this Christmas, we're gonna give these greedy, selfish little kids exactly what they deserve. A beautiful, high-quality, yet-low sulfur variety of coal!

Elves Coal?!

[shocked]

Toy Santa Quiet!

Elf We can't give them coal.

[to the other elves]

Toy Santa We have to focus, all of us, on the goals ahead. And just to make sure that happens. Thank you, sweetie. I-- I hate to blow my own horn.

[an elf hands him a horn; chuckles; blows the horn to summon the human-sized wooden toy soldiers, surrounding the elves]

Bernard Stay where you are! Don't be afraid!

Curtis Back! Back, back, back!

Toy Santa I was up late, couldn't sleep. Milk wouldn't do it, cocoa was a little sweet, so I decided to make my own army of toy soldiers. They don't have a good sense of humor like me. I would do what they ask you, which is pretty much what I'm going to tell you!

Bernard Don't listen to him! This guy's not Santa!

[can't handle the lies]

Elf Not Santa?!

Bernard He's a toy! He has a rubber face, and a plastic tushy! Ohh! Trust me! Don't let him ruin Christmas!

[while being held hostage by the toy soldiers]

Toy Santa Thank you for those kind words, Bernard. Well, now that we all have an understanding...have a...a joyous and merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!

[sarcastically; The coal tumbles on the conveyer belts]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Santa Clause

Acceptance of Santa's Responsibilities

Bernard The Santa Clause: "In putting on the suit and entering the sleigh, the wearer waives any and all rights to any previous identity, real or implied, and fully accepts the duties and responsibilities of Santa Claus in perpetuity until such time that wearer becomes unable to do so by either accident or design.

[reading the card Scott found in the Santa suit under a magnifier; pulls the card away]

Scott What does that mean?

Bernard It means you put on the suit, you're the big guy.

Scott That's ridiculous; I didn't put on a suit just to-

Bernard Try to understand this!

[angrily]

Elves Ooh!

[shocked]

Bernard Let me explain something to you, okay? Toys have to be delivered. I'm not gonna do it. It's not my job. I'm just an elf. It's Santa's job, but Santa fell off the roof; your roof. You read the card, put on the suit, that clearly falls under the Santa Clause, so now you're Santa. Okay?

[chuckles in embarrassment]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Santa Clause 2

Learning Progress with Unusual Choices

Curtis Well, I think he's learning at an excellent rate.

Bernard Oh, really?

Curtis Yeah.

Bernard This morning, he ate a bowl of waxed fruit.

Toy Santa Wait a minute. I need the naughty-and-nice list.

[while reading the contents of handbook of rules]

Bernard No.

Toy Santa Oh, yes, yes. It says I'm supposed to check it twice.

Bernard Santa already checked it.

Toy Santa No, I didn't.

Bernard The real Santa.

Toy Santa I am the real Santa.

Bernard I'm sorry?

Toy Santa I'm in charge here.

Bernard What?

Toy Santa I'm supposed check the list twice. That's the rule. I like the rules. I think you're aware of how I feel about that.

Bernard I think you're misunderstanding something.

Toy Santa No, no, I'm a rule maker. I like the rules. Santa likes the rules.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Santa Clause 2

Unexpected Moments in Santa's Workshop

Scott That's weird, isn't it?

Puppets Uh-oh!

Scott These fit yesterday, didn't they?

Abby Hot cocoa for you, Santa.

Bernard This is not a good time, Abby.

Abby I sent Dasher down for some Brazilian cocoa beans.

Scott What's the bad news?

Abby What do you mean?

[smiling]

Scott Whenever you play the designer bean card, generally, you have bad news. What are you doin with the naughty-and-nice list?

[Abby's smile fades, and she gives him the naughty-and-nice list]

Abby Just don't shoot the messenger. It's...Charlie.

[Scott opens the naughty-and-nice list]

Scott ]? I thought he straightened out.

[[w:Charlie Sheen|Sheen]

Abby Not that Charlie.

Scott My Charlie? My son, Charlie? He's on the naughty list?

[realizes]

Puppets AAAAAAH!!!!

[shocked; hide]

Scott This is - There's gotta be a mistake.

Abby We don't make mistakes. I'm sorry, Santa. Please excuse me.

[leaves]

Scott Well, how could this happen? Is this what you and Curtis were trying to tell me?

Curtis Great! You told him! Good! Let's get you dressed for that meeting.

Scott I-I can't have the meeting here, I really can't. I'm gonna have to see Charlie.

Bernard Number two, tell him now.

[to Curtis]

Scott Tell me what, guys? Come on. Come clean now.

Curtis Santa, there's a clause.

Scott Yeah, and that would be me.

Curtis No, I mean there's another Santa clause.

Scott Curtis, in case you haven't noticed, this time of year, the malls are filled with other "Santa Clauses".

Curtis Yes, but there's another Santa clause. There was a first clause, but also a second clause.

Puppets Get on with it!

Curtis When the last Santa Claus fell off your roof and you put on his coat, you found this.

Scott Right. "He who wears the coat takes on the responsibilities of Santa Claus..." Something like that, and of course, the rest would be history, right?

Bernard But it seems our number two elf, the "keeper of the handbook", overlooked the single, MOST IMPORTANT DETAIL in the history of Christmas!

Curtis Wow. One mistake in 900 years.

Bernard Look.

Scott I-I can't see that.

Bernard Better now?

Scott Uh--

Bernard Or now?

Bernard Better now?

Scott It's gettin there.

Bernard Or now?

Scott I can't see anything. I see. Good, good, good. I see it. Okay. Well, uh, "The card holder acknowledges a woman of his choosing. True Love...Not valid in," uh, "state of Utah. Holy... matrimony"?! I gotta get married!

[Bernard flips a big magnifying glass up; realizes]

Bernard Yes, It's...the Mrs. Clause.

Scott What if I don't want to get married?

[starts getting thinner]

Curtis Oh, dear. THE DE-SANTAFICATION PROCESS HAS BEGUN!

Scott The de-Santafication? Are you telling me that in that clause, it says that if I don't get married...I don't get to be Santa anymore? Wh-- What about the kids? Wh-- What about the elves? And w-- What about you guys?

[sighs; worried about Christmas magic fading]

Bernard It's not completely hopeless, sir. You still have time to find a wife.

Scott Right. Well, how much time do I have, Curtis?

Curtis 28 days.

Scott 28 days. So I've gotta find a wife by Christmas.

Curtis Actually, Christmas Eve.

Scott I guess it's over.

Curtis No! You can't think that way! Please, don't give up hope. Cause if you do...then we have to. Whoa.

[the puppets sigh sadly. Suddenly, Santa's beard shrinks, and the puppets shout in shock; surprised]

Scott Christmas is getting very complicated.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Life with Mikey

Catchy Greeting from Barry Corman

Barry Corman Va Va Va Vroom. Well, Hello Dolly!

[after seeing Angie for the first time]

Life with Mikey

Commitment to Kosher Franks Only

Barry Corman Never again. From now on, it's only Kosher Franks.

[after vomiting in a hat]

This Is the End

Cell Phone Drama Among Friends

Micheal Cera ALRIGHT Everybody listen up, listen up!! Who took my FUCKING CELL PHONE, MAN?!?! , EMPTY YOUR POCKETS!!!

[drunken to the crowd; https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martin_Starr MARTIN]

Martin Starr What?!

Micheal Cera I saw you in the bathroom, man, somebody dial my phone, SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! IT'S UNBELIEVABLE!!! It's UNACCEPTABLE after all the coke I've WASTED on you people! I've THROWN AWAY!!!

Martin Starr I didn't take your fucking cell phone!

Micheal Cera THREE-ONE-ZERO-NINE...!!

Seth Rogen Woah, woah! Mike! Mike! MIKE!MIKE!MIKE!MIKE!MIKE!!!!

David Krumholtz MY FACE!!!

Micheal Cera What's happening to me?! What's happening?!

Seth Rogen MICHEAL, COME BACK!!!

Micheal Cera Oh shit, that's embarrassing!

[Sobbing in pain and humiliation]

The Santa Clause

Direct Flight to Reality

Scott Hey, Barabbas.

Bernard Bernard!

Scott Bernard. Can we take a direct flight back to reality, or do we have to change planes in Denver?

The Ice Storm

Conflict Between Ideals and Personal Choices

Paul Hood I've been thinking, Francis. You are one drug-addled, elitist freak. And when the revolution comes I do not want to be lined up with you and shot because you're fucking ripe for political reeducation. You know, like in the fields.

Francis Davenport Let me enlighten you about something here. You and I exist on opposite sides of a great existential divide, that being your pathetic virginity on the one hand and my astonishing number of sexual conquests on the other. You're simply jealous.

The Santa Clause 2

Training for a New Role in Christmas

Bernard Okay, Chet. This is it. You ready to rock and roll?

Carol Chet?

Bernard Yeah. He's still in training.

Scott How much flight time has he had?

Bernard About a minute-and-a-half.

Curtis Hey, but he's had a lot of crash time.

Scott Curtis.

[sternly]

Curtis He's just a baby.