Memorable Quotes from David Ryall
4 quotesBank of England Robbed, Tensions Rise
Colonel Kitchener
Sir, I have an urgent announcement for you. Here.
Lord Kelvin
Well, don't just stand there, man, read it.
Kitchener
It is...with great...distress...that Scotland Yard announces...that the Bank of England...has been robbed.
[opens a sheet of paper and reads from it]
Lord Kelvin
MY STOLEN JADE BUDDHA, STOLEN! YOU BLIGHTER! YOU GAVE ME EVERY ASSURANCE THAT THE BANK OF ENGLAND WAS IMPENETRABLE!
Kitchener
Sir, sir, I said "impregnable"–
Lord Kelvin
IT'S THE SAME THING, YOU IDIOT!
Kitchener
PLEASE, NOT THE QUILLS!
Lord Kelvin
LORD SALISBURY! Please contact General Fang and inform her: "No Buddha, no deal.
[starts attacking Kitchener with quills]
General Fang
To forego your obligation would be dishonourable, Lord Kelvin.
[appearing in the door]
Lord Salisbury
A woman? In the Royal Academy?
[surprised]
General Fang
The Jade Buddha was successfully delivered by us to the Bank of England. What happens while it's in British hands-
Lord Kelvin
Is absolutely YOUR CONCERN! Colonel Kitchener, Chief of Scotland Yard, please inform General Fang what other items were stolen from the Bank of England.
Kitchener
Nothing else.
Lord Kelvin
Exactly. Seems your little land dispute has spilled over onto our noble shore. Until the Jade Buddha's back in my possession, you and your cause will receive no British military assistance whatsoever. Kitchener?
[walks up to Fang]
General Fang
My agents will retrieve the Jade Buddha once again, Lord Kelvin. This time, do not let it slip through your fingers.
[as she walks away]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Debate on Progress and Scientific Discovery
Phileas Fogg
Gentlemen, today I have proven that man can break the 50 mph speed barrier without disrupting his internal organs.
Lord Kelvin
Where is your Royal Academy of Science authorization?! Oh, what am I thinking? What a fool. That would mean that you are a real scientist!
Phileas Fogg
By your definition, Kelvin, a real scientist's objective would be to prevent man from progress.
Lord Kelvin
We live in a golden age, Fogg. Everything worth discovering has been discovered. Yet ridiculous dreamers like you insist on a past filled with "dinosaurs" and "evolution" and on a future filled with "motorized vehicles", "radio waves" and "flying machines".
Colonel Kitchener
Confound it! The bloody Bank of England is a madhouse!
[marches into the room]
Scientist #1
Rumour has it that it was a foreigner, an Asian chap.
[whispers in Passepartout's ear]
Scientist #2
Yes, I heard it was a Chinese fellow and he acted alone.
Lord Rhodes
Uh, no, actually, they say he was Norwegian.
Scientist #3
In fact, it was a gang of elderly Norwegians.
Scientist #4
Yes, I heard from a very reliable source that it was a gang of red-headed elderly Norwegians with very tiny feet.
Phileas Fogg
Well, if you ask me, it's about time someone robbed that bank. Like this very institution, the Bank of England is outdated!
[everyone gasps in anger]
Lord Kelvin
As usual, Fogg, your contempt for tradition is appalling.
Phileas Fogg
You rest on your "traditions" if you prefer, but as with this bank robber, progress waits for no-one.
Lord Kelvin
Oh. So now you're an expert on the bank thief as well? Give us the benefit of your "ineffable wisdom", Fogg.
Phileas Fogg
Twenty-six minutes ago, a ship left Dover for Paris. From there, the thief takes the Orient Express, where he transfers to a steamer from Istanbul to India. In little over a month, that man could be in China.
[gets out his pocket watch]
Lord Salisbury
If we're to believe Fogg's "calculations", he will have circled the globe and returned to England in a fortnight!
Phileas Fogg
Actually, by my calculations, it would be closer to...exactly 80 days.
Lord Kelvin
Outstanding idea. Well then, Fogg. Let's see you circumnavigate the world in 80 days.
[Passepartout smiles]
Phileas Fogg
I...That would be a fruitless use of my time. I'm on the verge of...numerous, countless...scientific breakthroughs.
[turns to go]
Lord Kelvin
You coward! Admit it, it cannot be done.
Phileas Fogg
It CAN! I can do it.
[stops and wheels round]
Lord Kelvin
A wager. £10,000!
Phileas Fogg
Unlike you and your colleagues, money does not inspire me.
Lord Kelvin
I believe every man has his price. Even you, oh noble Phileas Fogg. There must be something I could offer that would be worthy of your time.
Phileas Fogg
There is. Your position as head of the Royal Academy. With the Queen's ear, I could lead Britain and the rest of the world into a new age of progress and discovery.
[chattering begins]
Lord Kelvin
Fair enough.
Lord Salisbury
What?
Lord Kelvin
I, Lord Kelvin, hereby vow to surrender my position as Minister of Science, to Phileas Fogg...if he can circumnavigate the globe... in no more than 80 days. But if he cannot, he must never set foot in the academy again, he must tear down that abhorrent eyesore he calls a laboratory, and he must swear... never to invent again. Just as I always suspected, Fogg. You promise so much, yet you deliver...oh, nothing!
[Phileas is taken aback by this vow, not knowing what to say]
Phileas Fogg
I'll take your wager.
[quietly]
Lord Kelvin
What did you say?
Phileas Fogg
I'LL TAKE YOUR WAGER!
Lord Kelvin
Then it's done. A man who has never set foot out of England, circling the globe. This is going to be rather amusing!
Phileas Fogg
History won't remember your amusements, Lord Kelvin. But it'll be hard-pressed to forget the moment I'm standing on the very top step of the Royal Academy of Science... ...by the strike of noon... ...after I, Phileas Fogg, have traveled around the world in 80 days!
[roller-skates up to Kelvin; Big Ben strikes noon; Passepartout smiles]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Disparaging View of the Great Wall
Lord Kelvin
What's this thing here blocking my jade reserves? That will certainly have to be demolished.
Lord Salisbury
But that is the Great Wall of China, sir!
Lord Kelvin
...It's not that great.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Fogg Unwittingly Aids a Criminal
Scientist #1
Sir, I've received a telegram from Inspector Fix.
[walks into the room with a piece of paper]
Lord Kelvin
Aha!
Scientist #1
According to him, the bank thief and Fogg's valet are the same man.
Lord Kelvin
That numbskull Fogg doesn't even realize he's transporting the bank thief!
Lord Salisbury
Or does he? He did leave town in quite a hurry, wouldn't you say, Lord Rhodes?
Lord Rhodes
Indeed, Lord Salisbury. Evading arrest, stealing a police vehicle...sounds rather incriminating to me.
Lord Salisbury
One can almost deduce that this entire bet was just a ruse to facilitate his escape. Don't you agree, Lord Kelvin?
Lord Kelvin
Yes. Brilliant, Lord Salisbury! I shall name a beef-related entree after you in your honour! Kitchener?
Colonel Kitchener
Sire?
Lord Kelvin
Inform your men at Scotland Yard that Phileas Fogg is WITHOUT A DOUBT THE MAN WHO ROBBED THE BANK OF ENGLAND!
Colonel Kitchener
Yes, sir.
Lord Kelvin
Where are they now?
Scientist #1
They're taking a train across India from Bombay to Calcutta.
Lord Rhodes
Thank goodness we own India.
Lord Kelvin
I want their faces posted in every police station, army barracks, post office, railway station and outhouse in India! WE'RE GOING TO STOP FOGG AND GET MY JADE BUDDHA BACK BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.