Dean Jones Quotes

Focus on Racing, Not Romance

Wheely Applegate All taken care of, Jim. Had a little tank with Herbie. Had to straighten him out. I don't mind having a car that's got a heart, but I will not tolerate a car falling in love with another car.

Jim Douglas What did you expect him to fall in love with? The Goodyear blimp?

Wheely Applegate The Goodyear — Yeah. Anyway, I said "Listen, Herbie, we're over here for one thing and one thing only. And that's to make the biggest comeback in racing history. So, no women in training camp. You just forget that little chick, and you can do it. Just a matter of mind over metal.

[laughs]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Beethoven

Veterinarian Discusses Dog's Condition with Owner

Dr. Varnick Here for his shots?

George Yes.

Dr. Varnick Well, he'll be a little groggy this evening.

George That'll be nice.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Love Bug

The Decision to Let Go

Jim Douglas Where's the beast? You didn't cut up the Edsel!

Tennessee Steinmetz Came over me all of a sudden. Seemed like the only decent thing to do. Believe me, Jim, it'll be happier up there.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Love Bug

Unexpected Car Troubles and Shared Insights

Jim Douglas What do you know? Engine stalled.

Carole How about that? Door's stuck. That's how it is with cars sometimes. I guess we'll have to wait and see what happens next.

[tries to get out]

Jim Douglas Well, as someone very wisely once said, "That's how it is with cars sometimes.

Carole I just said that.

Jim Douglas Oh.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Love Bug

Reputation and Misconceptions in Relationships

Carole I wonder if your reputation is altogether true.

Jim Douglas What's my reputation?

Carole Well, I've heard that Jim Douglas is only interested in fast cars and easy money.

Jim Douglas Not true.

Carole Oh.

Jim Douglas Mm-hmm. You know something else?

Carole What?

Jim Douglas When the light hits you just right, you're as beautiful as General Grant on a $50 bill.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Beethoven

Animal Experiment Preparation Scene

Vernon Nice dog, huh, Doc? He's perfect for the animal experiment.

Dr. Varnick Get everything ready. I'll be by in the morning. We'll do the test on him first thing.

Harvey Sure thing.

Harvey Okay, good doggie. Good doggie. OK, close the door. Close the door.

Vernon I've got him. Come on!

Harvey Good doggie. Come here, doggie. Come on!

Harvey Okay, I got him. Good, good. I got him. Come on, doggie.

Vernon Not you! Not you! The dog!

Vernon Put him in. Okay, you got him? In the cage. Get in.

Vernon SHUT UP!! There. Doc will work on him first thing in the morning, and then he's one dead puppy.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Herbie Goes to Monte Carlo

Misunderstanding in Conversation

Jim Douglas Now wait a minute, buddy…

Diane Darcy What do you mean "buddy"?

[takes off her helmet]

Jim Douglas Uh, Miss Buddy.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Herbie Goes to Monte Carlo

Conflict Over Herbie's Presence

Jim Douglas Herbie!

[noticing that Herbie is gone]

Wheely Applegate You mean "no Herbie.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Love Bug

Questioning Sanity and Humor in Conversation

Mr. Thorndyke Have you gone mad?

Jim Douglas Okay, what's the joke?

Mr. Thorndyke What do you mean?

Jim Douglas I don't know how you rigged it, but I'm sure that car is a real cut-up when a convention comes to town.

Mr. Thorndyke What in the name of...

Jim Douglas If I'd wanted a trick car, I would have bought one at a joke shop.

Mr. Thorndyke Allow me to say that I haven't the slightest idea what you're talking about. You come billowing up in that beastly little car, and assault my personal Rolls-Royce!

Jim Douglas ...I brought it back! I want my money, I want the papers I signed, and then I'll get outta here, and you two clowns can, can have your little laugh.

Carole Mr. Douglas, if there is anything wrong with the car, would you be good enough to tell me what it is?

Jim Douglas Well, there's nothing essentially wrong with the car. It's just that it wants to go one way and I'd like to go the other-

Mr. Thorndyke Well, whatever it is, none of it is covered in our guilt-headed guarantee.

Jim Douglas Oh, I'm sure of that.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Herbie Goes to Monte Carlo

Miscommunication Among Friends

Wheely Applegate I didn't understand what he was saying.

Jim Douglas That's OK. He didn't understand what you were saying either. Come to think of it, I don't think *I* understood what you were saying.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Herbie Goes to Monte Carlo

Driving Skills and Road Challenges

Wheely Applegate Dirty road hog! Why doesn't he learn how to drive?

Jim Douglas He knows how to drive, that's the trouble!

Wheely Applegate Yeah, I see what you mean.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Love Bug

Believing in a forgotten dream machine

Jim Douglas I may be kidding myself, but I think I can make something out of that sad little bucket of bolts.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Other People's Money

A Candid Conversation Between Coles and Jorgensen

Bill Coles Jorgy? Have you got a minute, Jorgy?

Andrew Jorgensen Sure, Bill.

Bill Coles Do you mind if I speak frankly to you, Jorgy?

Andrew Jorgensen You always have, haven't you?

Bill Coles You know I'm trained to think in contingency. You know I've spent my whole life managing businesses, and-

Andrew Jorgensen Bill, you're in a panic.

Bill Coles Well, you know how it is with business, Jorgy, when things don't work out quite right, and people have invested a lot of their time, a lot of their energy, a lot of themselves... Management takes care of its own, Jorgy; happens all the time. And given the... uncertainty surrounding us these days, and the fact that you haven't set up any financial guarantees for us, Jorgy... I hate... I hate giving this speech, Jorgy.

Andrew Jorgensen When I retire in two years, I've told you you're taking over the business. I promised you that.

Bill Coles There won't be any business in two years, Jorgy. There won't be any business in one year. You're holding onto a dream.

Andrew Jorgensen Go home, Bill, have a drink. Give my best to Jenette.

Bill Coles I don't want the rug pulled out from under my feet so close to the finish line!

Andrew Jorgensen Goodnight.

Bill Coles Jorgy, I've been here fifteen years, I have a family! Something's due me! Now I've worked my ASS off for fifteen years, and you're gonna let that man come in and take over the company. It's not right!

Andrew Jorgensen I'm sorry, Bill. Up here we don't plan the funeral until the body is dead.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Herbie Goes to Monte Carlo

The Complexity of Communication in Relationships

Wheely Applegate They never say what I mean. That's what makes the female the species deadlier than the male.

Jim Douglas You read that some place?

Wheely Applegate Yes, and I've got a mother, three sisters, and two ex-wives to prove it. Oh, they never told me they wanted me out of the house, but every time I came home, the lock was changed.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Love Bug

Negotiating a Price in a Business Deal

Mr. Thorndyke I take it that the question of price does not concern a gentleman like yourself.

Jim Douglas I wouldn't haggle, if that's what you mean.

Mr. Thorndyke And what might your desired price range be, sir?

Jim Douglas Oh, about $75.

Mr. Thorndyke $75.

[laughs, thinking this is a joke]

Jim Douglas I could do $80 in a pinch. What do you have in the way of cheap, honest transportation?

Mr. Thorndyke Cheap honest transportation." I will bid you good day, sir.

[visibly annoyed; snatches back the glass of sherry]

Jim Douglas Good day. Hey! Well, now, where did this come from?

[a Volkswagen Beetle rolls through the mechanic's shop doors and gently bumps him]

Mr. Thorndyke Havershaw!

Havershaw Mr. Thorndyke, yes, sir?

Mr. Thorndyke What is this thing doing in my showroom, may I ask?

Havershaw I believe Miss Bennett may know something about this.

Mr. Thorndyke Miss Bennett?

Carole Yes, you remember when Mrs. van Lewett purchased a new Bentley? Well, she also asked us to purchase a small used car for her upstairs maid.

Mr. Thorndyke Then why isn't Mrs. van Lewett's maid in her blasted vehicle?

Carole Well, the car was returned this morning, Mr. Thorndyke; she was having some kind of trouble with it.

Mr. Thorndyke Get it out of here.

Jim Douglas What's that for?

Mr. Thorndyke I beg your pardon?

Jim Douglas Well, why don't you let the little car alone?

Mr. Thorndyke Are you presuming to tell me what to do in my own establishment?

Jim Douglas Ok, I'm out of line. It just bugs me to see somebody abusing a decent piece of machinery.

Mr. Thorndyke How fascinating. Now that you've had the benefit of your point of view, shall we regard our relationship as terminated? Havershaw! Get this eyesore out of my showroom. And if ever I find it in here again, someone is going to find himself in a great deal of trouble!

[laughs coldly]

Herbie Goes to Monte Carlo

Discussion on a Character's Obsession

Jim Douglas He's out of his mind.

[about Herbie]

Wheely Applegate He's out of his mind, all right. Over that luscious little Lancia.

The Love Bug

The Mystery of Unique Cars Explained

Jim Douglas You don't understand what happens, do you? They make ten thousand cars, they make them exactly the same way, and one or two of em turn out to be something special. Nobody knows why.

Herbie Goes to Monte Carlo

A Call for Action and Respect

Jim Douglas Now you listen to me, Herbie, and you listen good. Now, you and I did not come out of mothballs to be the laughingstock of the continent. Either get the lead out of your pants right now, or I’m gonna ship you back to the States, have you stuffed and hung on a wall in Retirement Village!

The Love Bug

Identity and Worth Tied to Possessions

Jim Douglas Without a real car, I'm only half a man.

The Love Bug

Unusual Food Choices Spark Conversation

Jim Douglas Why is it the only food we have in this house is parrot food? I mean, we don't *have* a parrot.

Tennessee Steinmetz Eat that! That's good! That's pressed kelp. That aerates your liver.

The Love Bug

The Love Bug - Jim Douglas

Jim Douglas Has everybody gone nuts around here? I can understand how Tennessee feels, he's just in off a ].

[[flying saucer]

Other People's Money

The Frustration of Frankness in Conversation

Bill Coles Can I speak frankly?

Lawrence Garfield No. Lie to me! Tell me how thrilled you are to know me. I always speak frankly. I hate people who say, "Can we speak frankly?" It means they're bullshittin me the rest of the time.

Herbie Goes to Monte Carlo

Race Tensions Rise Before Heat Competition

Jim Douglas Douglas and Applegate.

[signing in to the qualifying sound]

Race official Douglas. Ah, yes, Monsieur Douglas. You're in the heat after this one. Good luck.

Bruno Von Stickle That's the same heat I'm in, Douglas. You're going to need more than luck. You're going to need wings.

Wheely Applegate Oh, yeah? Well, you may just be in for a little surprise.

Bruno Von Stickle I can see your surprise. It is very little.

[chuckles]

Jim Douglas Look for an even bigger surprise when the race starts.

Herbie Goes to Monte Carlo

Racing Decisions: Mechanics vs. Drivers

Jim Douglas Is that knocking I hear in the gas tank?

Wheely Applegate Not in my gas tank. Never!

Jim Douglas Sounds like something clunking around in here.

Wheely Applegate Well, we either listen to the driver and stop to take the gas tank apart, or we listen to the mechanic and try to win this race.

Jim Douglas I'm listening to the mechanic. Let’s go, Herbie!

Memorable Quotes from Dean Jones