Dean O'GormanQuotes

Bilbo: [grabbing a doily from Nori] Excuse me, that is a doily, not a dishcloth.

Bofur: But it's full of holes!

Bilbo: It's supposed to look like that, it's crochet.

Bofur: [[w:Croquet|wonderful game; laughs] Oh, and a ] it is too, if you've got the balls for it.

Bilbo: [annoyed, but quietly] Bebother and confusticate these dwarves!

Gandalf: My dear Bilbo, what on earth is the matter?

Bilbo: What's the matter? I am surrounded by dwarves! What are they doing here?

Gandalf: Oh, they're quite a merry gathering, once you get used to them.

Bilbo: I don't want to get used to them! The state of my kitchen! There's mud trod into the carpet! They pillaged the pantry. I'm not even gonna tell you what they've done in the bathroom. They've all but destroyed the plumbing! I don't understand what they're doing in my house.

Ori: [walks up] Scuse me. I'm sorry to interrupt, but what should I do with my plate?

Fíli: Here you go, Ori, give it to me.

Bilbo: [mortified; to the other dwarves clashing the cutlery together] Excuse me! That's my mother's West Farthing pottery, it's over 100 years old! And can you not do that? You'll blunt them!

Bofur: Oh, did you hear that, lads? He says we'll blunt the knives!

Kíli: [singing] Blunt the knives, bend the forks!

Fíli: [singing] Smash the bottles and burn the corks!

Dwarves: [singing] Chip the glasses and crack the plates...That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!Cut the cloth, tread on the fat!Leave the bones on the bedroom mat!Pour the milk on the pantry floor!Splash the wine on every door!Dump the crocks in a boiling bowl!Pound them up with a thumping pole!And when you're finished, if they are whole...Send them down the hall to roll!That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!

Dwalin: [bows] Dwalin, at your service.

Bilbo: [Dwalin walks in] Uh, Bilbo...Baggins. At yours. Do we know each other?

Dwalin: No. Which way, laddie? Is it down here?

Bilbo: Is what down where?

Dwalin: Supper. He said there'd be food and lots of it.

Bilbo: He said? Who said?

Dwalin: Very good, this. Any more?

Bilbo: [finds a jar of seed-cakes; pauses as Dwalin eats away] What? Oh, uh, yes, yes. Help yourself. It's just that, um, I wasn't expecting company.

Dwalin: That'll be the door.

Balin: [smiles and bows] Balin, At your service.

Bilbo: [blankly] Good evening.

Balin: Yes, it is. Though I think it might rain later. Am I late?

Bilbo: Late for what?

Balin: [catches Dwalin trying to get more scones out of another jar] OH! Evening, brother!

Dwalin: [sets down the jar and smiles] Ho ho, by my beard! You are shorter and wider than last we met.

Balin: Wider, not shorter. Sharp enough for both of us.

Bilbo: Excuse me? Sorry, I hate to interrupt, but the thing is I'm not entirely sure you're in the right house. It's not that I don't like visitors. I-I like visitors as much as the next hobbit, but I do like to know them before they come visiting. The thing is...uh...the thing is, I don't know either of you, not in the slightest. I don't mean to be blunt, but I had to speak my mind. I'm sorry.

Balin: [suddenly noticing that Bilbo was talking; smiles, to Bilbo's growing confusion] Apology accepted.

Fíli: Fíli.

Kíli: And Kíli.

Fíli and Kíli: [bowing] At your service.

Kíli: You must be Mr. Boggins!

Bilbo: [tries to shut the door] Nope! You can't come in; you've come to the wrong house.

Kíli: [pushes it open with his foot; deflated] What? Has it been cancelled?

Fíli: No one told us.

Bilbo: Ca-? No, nothing's been cancelled.

Kíli: [smiles] That's a relief!

Fíli: [tosses Bilbo their blades] Careful with these. I just had em sharpened.

Kíli: It's nice, this place. You do it yourself?

Bilbo: [sees Kíli rubbing his shoes on the furniture] Well, no, it's been in the family for years- That's my mother's glory box! Could you please not do that?

Dwalin: Fíli, Kíli, come on. Give us a hand.

Kíli: [smiling at the sight of Dwalin] Mr. Dwalin.

Balin: [about the table] Let's shove this in the hallway. Otherwise, we'll never get everyone in.

Bilbo: [surprised; doorbell rings again, Bilbo is getting rather cross as he heads for the door.; louder, tossing the knives to the floor; chuckles sarcastically; opens the door and eight dwarves (Dori, Nori, Ori, Óin, Glóin, Bifur, Bofur, and Bombur) fall down on top of each other. Gandalf stands behind looking at Bilbo; with an irritated look on his face] He - "Everyone"? How many more are there? Oh no. No, no. There's nobody home! Go away and bother somebody else! There's far too many dwarves in my dining room as it is! I-I-If this is some...clot-head's idea of a joke... ...I can only say. It is in very poor taste! Gandalf.