Desmond LlewelynQuotes

Q: [clicks it three times; clicks it three times again] A pen. This is a Class 4 grenade. Three clicks arms the four-second fuse... another three disarms it.

Bond: [takes pen and quickly clicks it thrice] ...How long did you say the fuse was?

Q: [takes the pen and disarms it with a groan] Oh, grow up, 007.

Bond: They always said the pen was mightier than the sword.

Q: [walks over to a dummy; places the pen in Fred's shirt pocket, arms it, and runs to cover. The resulting explosion obliterates Fred from the waist up. to Bond] Thanks to me, they were right. Look, let's ask Fred here to demonstrate for us. Here we are. Sorry about this, Fred. One, two, three… Don't say it!

Bond: …the writing's on the wall?

Q: [snickering] Along with the rest of him!

Bond: Morning, Q. Sorry about the leg. Skiing?

Q: Hunting!

Q: [''Points to the gearstick''; ''opens the cap''; ''Closes the cap, stands up''] Now this one I'm particularly keen about. You see the gear lever here? Now, if you take the top off , you'll find a little red button. Whatever you do, don't touch it.

Bond: Yeah, why not?

Q: [''points out the section of roof above the front passenger seat''; ''Gestures''] Because you'll release this section of the roof, and engage and then fire the passenger ejector seat. Whish!

Bond: Ejector seat? You're joking!

Q: [''Bond falls silent''] I never joke about my work, 007.

James Bond: This is no place for you, Q. Go home.

Q: [opens a case] Oh, don't be an idiot, 007. I know exactly what you're up to, and quite frankly, you're going to need my help. Remember, if it hadn't been for Q Branch, you'd have been dead long ago. Everything for a man on holiday. Explosive alarm clock - guaranteed never to wake up anyone who uses it. Dentonite toothpaste - to be used sparingly, the latest in plastic explosive.

Bond: I could do with some plastic.

Q: [Disguised as a rental car agent] If you'll just sign here, Mr. Bond. It's the insurance damage waiver for your beautiful new car. Will you need collision coverage?

James Bond: Yes.

Q: Fire?

Bond: Probably.

Q: Property destruction?

Bond: Definitely.

Q: Personal injury?

Bond: Well, I hope not, but accidents do happen.

Q: And they frequently do with you.

Bond: Well, that takes care of the normal wear-and-tear. Do I need any other protection?

Q: Only from me, 007. Unless you bring back that car back in pristine order.

R: Now, I daresay, 007, that you've met your match with this machine.

James Bond: [Putting on some nearby shades, that are really x-ray glasses] Yeah? New model, improved specs?

R: I thought you were on the Inactive roster; some kind of injury?

James Bond: Yes, well, we'll see about that. So...

R: As I was saying, the very latest in interception countermeasures. Titanium armor, a multi-tasking heads-up display, and six beverage cup holders. All in all, rather stocked.

Q: Fully loaded," I think is the term.

R: I think–

Q: You're not here to think, you're here to do what I tell you. Now, go put on the coat and demonstrate it for 007.

R: [Puts on the snow jacket] But of course. Now, watch closely, please, 007. The right arm goes in the right sleeve, thus, and the left arm in the left sleeve, thus. Now, note closely, please: pockets, poppers, and zipper. Take the lower part of the zipper, and insert it into the–

Q: [Q and Bond give a look to each other; Pulls a tag on the front of the jacket] Oh, pull the tag!

R: [An inflatable self-closing ball inflates out of the back of the jacket, then wraps around R. He falls and rolls around blindly, stuck in the ball] Oh! But you said–! Oooh! Q! Ooof!

James Bond: [Q chuckles and goes to a nearby platform] He seems well-suited for the job. Now, you're not retiring anytime soon...are you?

Q: Now, pay attention 007. I've always tried to teach you two things. First, never let them see you bleed.

Bond: And the second?

Q: [presses button and the platform lowers itself, and Q, into the floor] Always have an escape plan.

Bond: I suppose we all have to pay the piper sometime, right, Q?

Q: Oh, pipe down, 007.

Bond: Was it something I said?

Q: [points to advanced (and heavily damaged) skiff Bond earlier used; opens pool table. A platform arises, showing a man working on a BMW coupe. Bond and Q walk toward it] No. Something you destroyed: My fishing boat for my retirement, away from you. Now, I want to introduce you to the young fellow I'm grooming to follow me.

Man: [looks at Q and Bond; man has lab gown stuck on the car door; he looks around in confusion. Bond opens it, freeing the lab coat] Oh...

Bond: Helps if you open the door.

Man: Hmm. And you might be?

Q: This is 007!

Bond: If you're Q, does that make him R?

R: Ah yes, the legendary 007 wit, or at least half of it.

Tiffany Case: Hi there, Mr. Q. Are you having any luck?

Q: I'm being somewhat successful, thank you.

Bond: I trust you can handle this contraption, Q?

Q: It goes by hot air.

Bond: Oh, then you can.

Vijay: Is he still there?

Q: You must be joking! 007 on an island populated exclusively by women? We won't see him till dawn!

Bond: [hands Q his coat] You wouldn't have a smaller piece of thread than that wouldn't you, Q? Somebody seems to have stuck a knife in my wallet.

Q: Ah, and they missed you? What a pity!

Q: Hello?

Minister: Grandfather is calling Q. What's the situation?

Q: 007 alive.

Minister: Where is he? What's he doing?

Q: Just cleaning up a few details.

Stacey Sutton: Oh, James!

M: [shocked at the camera feed] Double O Seven...!

Sir Frederick Gray: My God, what's Bond doing?

Q: [looking at a radar screen; Bond looks up and smiles at the camera before unplugging it] I think he's attempting re-entry sir.

Melina Havelock: For your eyes only, darling.

Frederick Gray: Good work Bond. Please stand by as we put you through to the Prime Minister.

The Prime Minister: [over the phone] Ah, Mr. Bond. I wanted to call you personally and to say how pleased we all are that your mission was a success. Thank you.

Max the Parrot: Thank you, thank you.

The Prime Minister: Don't thank me, Mr. Bond. Your courage and resourcefulness are a credit to the nation. Denis and I look forward to meeting you. Meanwhile, if there is anything I can do for you...

Max the Parrot: Give us a kiss, give us a kiss.

The Prime Minister: Well, really, Mr. Bond.

Tanner: I think we're having a little trouble with the line, madam.

Frederick Gray: [to Q] You idiot. Get on to him.

Q: 007. 007??

Frederick Gray: Bond! Have you gone mad? What's going on? Bond. Bond! BOND!

James Bond: Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.

Q: [in disguise as the priest] That's putting it mildly, 007!

Q: It is to be handled with special care!

Bond: Everything you give me...

Q: ...is treated with equal contempt. Yes, I know.

Q: [wishing Bond luck on his wedding day] Look, James, I know that we haven't always exactly seen... well, anyway, don't forget, if there's anything you ever need...

Bond: Thank you, Q, but this time I've got the gadgets and I know how to use them.

Q: Right. Now pay attention, 007. I want you to take great care of this equipment. There are one or two rather special accessories...

James Bond: Q, have I ever let you down?

Q: Frequently.