Dick Van Dyke Quotes

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

Character Critique of an Unpleasant Individual

Jemimah He's awful!

Jeremy He's terrible!

Caractacus Potts Not only that, he isn't even nice!

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Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

Children's Jokes and Adult Understanding

Caractacus Potts Truly! I'm sorry about the children. I hope they didn't embarrass you.

Truly Scrumptious In what way?

Caractacus Potts Why, that silly joke about us getting married. Well, you know how kids are.

Truly Scrumptious Yes, I understand.

Caractacus Potts Well, I don't think they realize how ridiculous that would be.

Truly Scrumptious Ridiculous?

Caractacus Potts Well, yes. Well, the factory, and your father and all. It's a different world, Truly.

Truly Scrumptious You know, if I said something like that, you'd call me a snob.

Caractacus Potts What? I didn't mean sn...

[realizes his mistake]

Truly Scrumptious Goodbye!

[offended]

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Night at the Museum

Preparation for a Night at the Museum

Cecil Larry. Your keys, your torch.

Larry Daley Right.

Cecil You're gonna wanna strap those to your belt. Now, it can get a little spooky around here at night, so you might wanna put a few lights on. All right, flashlight, keys. What am I for...? Oh. The instruction manual.

Gus Instructions. You start with one, two, three...

Larry Daley Four?

Gus Are you crackin wise? I oughta punch you in the nose, hopscotch.

Reginald Leave him alone, Gus. You got it covered, right, Larry?

Larry Daley Yeah, yeah, I got it.

Gus You better get it!

Cecil Gus. Larry, do them in order, do them all and do them quick. And the most important thing of all to remember: don't let anything in or out.

Larry Daley Out?

Cecil Good luck, son.

Larry Daley Night, Gus.

Gus Young buck, crackin wise.

Cecil Moving on.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

A Lighthearted Moment of Carrying and Choices

Truly Scrumptious Wh-what are you going to do?

Caractacus Potts I'm going to carry you.

Truly Scrumptious Oh dear. Must you?

Caractacus Potts Well, unless you'd rather ride piggyback.

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Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

Parental Authority and Outside Opinions

Caractacus Potts The nerve of that woman! Coming in here and telling me how to raise my children! Do I need someone telling me how to raise my children? Do I? Where is my cardigan?

Jemimah Under your jacket.

Caractacus Potts Under-. Yes. Self-righteous busy body. Well, she won't be bothering us anymore.

Jemimah But I liked her.

Jeremy So did I. She was very pretty.

Caractacus Potts She certainly was. Do you think your father's a crackpot?

Jeremy Your cardigan's inside out.

Caractacus Potts What? Oh. Do you think I'm a lunatic? Wasting my time on a lot of silly ]s?

[[invention]

Jemimah But they aren't silly! They're wonderful!

Jeremy Nobody else can think of them.

Caractacus Potts That's right! That is right! Nobody else can think of them.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

An Elephant in My Pajamas

Caractacus Potts How was ], Grandpa?

[[India]

Grandpa India? I'll tell you how India was. I got up this morning and I shot an ] in my pajamas.

[[elephant]

Grandpa, Caractacus, Jemimah, and Jeremy How an elephant got in my pajamas, I shall never know.

Grandpa You've heard it before.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

A Conversation on Communication Styles

Truly Scrumptious Well! I've never been...

Caractacus Potts Spoken to like that? Well, maybe it's about time!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

Planning an Unforgettable Birthday Celebration

Truly Scrumptious It's a beautiful dream Caractacus, but I don't see how it's gonna help them.

Caractacus Potts You know what we're gonna do? We're gonna get up into that castle!

[confidently]

Toymaker It is impossible!

[incredulous]

Caractacus Potts Well, we'll see. Now everyone listen to me! You wanna get out of here, don't you? Tomorrow is Baron Bomburst's birthday, yes? Well, we're gonna give him a birthday party he'll never forget!

[runs up to a large water channel and looks at the children watching; loud and clear; The children cheer and Caractacus moves behind the water channel; The children boo with their thumbs down; proud and confident]

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Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

A Joyful Conclusion to Their Adventure

Caractacus Potts And after that, Vulgaria became a free country and all the children laughed and played in the sunshine, and they were very, very happy. And Chitty flew high over the mountains back to England, everyone safe and sound, and...

Jemimah And Daddy and Truly were married.

Jeremy And lived happily ever after.

Jemimah Yes!

Truly Scrumptious Is that how the ] ]?

[[story; [ends]

Caractacus Potts It's getting late. We'd better be getting back.

[pauses; gets out to restart the car]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Night at the Museum

The Challenge of Believing the Unbelievable

Cecil We're too old for surprises.

Larry Daley Really? I thought you liked surprises! Especially the fact that everything in the museum comes to life at night! That little... sweetheart.

Cecil Larry, we wanted to tell you. You never would have believed us.

Larry Daley Do you have any idea what I've been through tonight?

Gus What?

Larry Daley I said, do you have any idea what I've been through tonight, Gus?

Gus Keep a lid on it, butterscotch!

Larry Daley I don't even know if what happened was real or not, but I did not sign up for this. I just need a regular job that... that is not life-threatening and pays my bills. So thank you very much, and I left my uniform in the office, and I will be seeing you.

Gus Larry! Bah.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

Finding Hope in Difficult Times

Peter Sir, have you come to help us? Are you going to help us out of here?

[Catactacus walks over to him]

Caractacus Potts What's your name, son?

[kneels in front of him]

Peter Peter, sir.

Caractacus Potts Well Peter, you shouldn't be afraid. Even in a terrible place like this. Because there's always hope. That's what I always tell my children when they're...afraid.

[compassionately; Truly, the Toymaker, and the children listen with interest]

Night at the Museum

A Night Guard's Return to Duty

Reginald Hey, Larry.

Larry Daley So, I was thinking maybe I'll give it one more night.

Cecil I'm glad you came around. Welcome back.

Dr. McPhee You! New night guard, here, now.

Larry Daley What's up?

Dr. McPhee What's up?" Oh. Well, take a walk with me, and I'll show you, Mr. "What's up". Come on. So, would you kindly do me the favor of explaining this?

Larry Daley Ooh. Okay. I'm guessing and I'm just spitballing here but looks like that Roman dude got cocky and climbed over into the Wild West. And that cowboy knows the Roman dude wants to take over his territory, so he rounded up a posse and put him in the stockade.

Dr. McPhee Let's all laugh at me, the comedy night guard. "No", is the answer. Sarcasm back at ya with your... humor box. I wasn't laughing. I was pretending to laugh, if that's what you want, some sort of battle of humor. Do you?

[laughs sarcastically]

Larry Daley No. I don't want a... No, I don't want a battle of humor.

Dr. McPhee No, you don't, because it would be a bloodbath. Nothing funny about Little Bighorn. No. I find it about as funny as a "fancist". It's not funny. Okay? And I will not stand for this type of blatant... If I'm not clear, tell me. Am I clear?

Larry Daley Yeah.

Dr. McPhee Yeah.

Larry Daley Hey, Cecil. You got an extra copy of that instruction manual?

Cecil Oh, no, I'm afraid not, Larry. Listen, I'll tell you what you do. Read some books. Brush up on your history. Helped me a lot when I first started out.

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

Children's Freedom and Parental Perspective

Caractacus Potts Maybe my children like running wild in the street. Had that occured to you?

[to Truly Scrumptious]

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

Safety Precaution Advice from Caractacus Potts

Caractacus Potts You'll find a slight squeeze on the hooter an excellent safety precaution, Miss Scrumptious.

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

Inventing a New Candy Name

Caractacus Potts You see I've invented these sweets.

Lord Scrumptious Secretary Oh really? Name?

Caractacus Potts Uh...Whistling Sweets.

Lord Scrumptious Secretary Mr. Whistling Sweets. (writes it down)

Caractacus Potts (laughs) Mr. Whistling Sweets!! Uh no. I'm... uh... Potts.

Lord Scrumptious Secretary Hmmm... (writes it down)

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

A Distrustful Assessment of Coggins

Caractacus Potts Do you think Coggins might do a deal, so much a week?

Grandpa Coggins? That lives down the road? Sure. He wouldn't light your pipe if his house was on fire.

Memorable Quotes from Dick Van Dyke

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