Dick Van DykeQuotes

Caractacus Potts: Truly! I'm sorry about the children. I hope they didn't embarrass you.

Truly Scrumptious: In what way?

Caractacus Potts: Why, that silly joke about us getting married. Well, you know how kids are.

Truly Scrumptious: Yes, I understand.

Caractacus Potts: Well, I don't think they realize how ridiculous that would be.

Truly Scrumptious: Ridiculous?

Caractacus Potts: Well, yes. Well, the factory, and your father and all. It's a different world, Truly.

Truly Scrumptious: You know, if I said something like that, you'd call me a snob.

Caractacus Potts: [realizes his mistake] What? I didn't mean sn...

Truly Scrumptious: [offended] Goodbye!

Caractacus Potts: And after that, Vulgaria became a free country and all the children laughed and played in the sunshine, and they were very, very happy. And Chitty flew high over the mountains back to England, everyone safe and sound, and...

Jemimah: And Daddy and Truly were married.

Jeremy: And lived happily ever after.

Jemimah: Yes!

Truly Scrumptious: [[story; [ends] Is that how the ] ]?

Caractacus Potts: [pauses; gets out to restart the car] It's getting late. We'd better be getting back.

Truly Scrumptious: It's a beautiful dream Caractacus, but I don't see how it's gonna help them.

Caractacus Potts: [confidently] You know what we're gonna do? We're gonna get up into that castle!

Toymaker: [incredulous] It is impossible!

Caractacus Potts: [runs up to a large water channel and looks at the children watching; loud and clear; The children cheer and Caractacus moves behind the water channel; The children boo with their thumbs down; proud and confident] Well, we'll see. Now everyone listen to me! You wanna get out of here, don't you? Tomorrow is Baron Bomburst's birthday, yes? Well, we're gonna give him a birthday party he'll never forget!

Peter: [Catactacus walks over to him] Sir, have you come to help us? Are you going to help us out of here?

Caractacus Potts: [kneels in front of him] What's your name, son?

Peter: Peter, sir.

Caractacus Potts: [compassionately; Truly, the Toymaker, and the children listen with interest] Well Peter, you shouldn't be afraid. Even in a terrible place like this. Because there's always hope. That's what I always tell my children when they're...afraid.

Jemimah: He's awful!

Jeremy: He's terrible!

Caractacus Potts: Not only that, he isn't even nice!

Truly Scrumptious: Wh-what are you going to do?

Caractacus Potts: I'm going to carry you.

Truly Scrumptious: Oh dear. Must you?

Caractacus Potts: Well, unless you'd rather ride piggyback.

Caractacus Potts: You see I've invented these sweets.

Lord Scrumptious Secretary: Oh really? Name?

Caractacus Potts: Uh...Whistling Sweets.

Lord Scrumptious Secretary: Mr. Whistling Sweets. (writes it down)

Caractacus Potts: (laughs) Mr. Whistling Sweets!! Uh no. I'm... uh... Potts.

Lord Scrumptious Secretary: Hmmm... (writes it down)

Caractacus Potts: Do you think Coggins might do a deal, so much a week?

Grandpa: Coggins? That lives down the road? Sure. He wouldn't light your pipe if his house was on fire.

Caractacus Potts: [[India] How was ], Grandpa?

Grandpa: [[elephant] India? I'll tell you how India was. I got up this morning and I shot an ] in my pajamas.

Grandpa, Caractacus, Jemimah, and Jeremy: How an elephant got in my pajamas, I shall never know.

Grandpa: You've heard it before.

Caractacus Potts: The nerve of that woman! Coming in here and telling me how to raise my children! Do I need someone telling me how to raise my children? Do I? Where is my cardigan?

Jemimah: Under your jacket.

Caractacus Potts: Under-. Yes. Self-righteous busy body. Well, she won't be bothering us anymore.

Jemimah: But I liked her.

Jeremy: So did I. She was very pretty.

Caractacus Potts: She certainly was. Do you think your father's a crackpot?

Jeremy: Your cardigan's inside out.

Caractacus Potts: [[invention] What? Oh. Do you think I'm a lunatic? Wasting my time on a lot of silly ]s?

Jemimah: But they aren't silly! They're wonderful!

Jeremy: Nobody else can think of them.

Caractacus Potts: That's right! That is right! Nobody else can think of them.

Truly Scrumptious: Well! I've never been...

Caractacus Potts: Spoken to like that? Well, maybe it's about time!

Caractacus Potts: [to Truly Scrumptious] Maybe my children like running wild in the street. Had that occured to you?

Caractacus Potts: You'll find a slight squeeze on the hooter an excellent safety precaution, Miss Scrumptious.

Reginald: Hey, Larry.

Larry Daley: So, I was thinking maybe I'll give it one more night.

Cecil: I'm glad you came around. Welcome back.

Dr. McPhee: You! New night guard, here, now.

Larry Daley: What's up?

Dr. McPhee: What's up?" Oh. Well, take a walk with me, and I'll show you, Mr. "What's up". Come on. So, would you kindly do me the favor of explaining this?

Larry Daley: Ooh. Okay. I'm guessing and I'm just spitballing here but looks like that Roman dude got cocky and climbed over into the Wild West. And that cowboy knows the Roman dude wants to take over his territory, so he rounded up a posse and put him in the stockade.

Dr. McPhee: [laughs sarcastically] Let's all laugh at me, the comedy night guard. "No", is the answer. Sarcasm back at ya with your... humor box. I wasn't laughing. I was pretending to laugh, if that's what you want, some sort of battle of humor. Do you?

Larry Daley: No. I don't want a... No, I don't want a battle of humor.

Dr. McPhee: No, you don't, because it would be a bloodbath. Nothing funny about Little Bighorn. No. I find it about as funny as a "fancist". It's not funny. Okay? And I will not stand for this type of blatant... If I'm not clear, tell me. Am I clear?

Larry Daley: Yeah.

Dr. McPhee: Yeah.

Larry Daley: Hey, Cecil. You got an extra copy of that instruction manual?

Cecil: Oh, no, I'm afraid not, Larry. Listen, I'll tell you what you do. Read some books. Brush up on your history. Helped me a lot when I first started out.

Cecil: We're too old for surprises.

Larry Daley: Really? I thought you liked surprises! Especially the fact that everything in the museum comes to life at night! That little... sweetheart.

Cecil: Larry, we wanted to tell you. You never would have believed us.

Larry Daley: Do you have any idea what I've been through tonight?

Gus: What?

Larry Daley: I said, do you have any idea what I've been through tonight, Gus?

Gus: Keep a lid on it, butterscotch!

Larry Daley: I don't even know if what happened was real or not, but I did not sign up for this. I just need a regular job that... that is not life-threatening and pays my bills. So thank you very much, and I left my uniform in the office, and I will be seeing you.

Gus: Larry! Bah.

Cecil: Larry. Your keys, your torch.

Larry Daley: Right.

Cecil: You're gonna wanna strap those to your belt. Now, it can get a little spooky around here at night, so you might wanna put a few lights on. All right, flashlight, keys. What am I for...? Oh. The instruction manual.

Gus: Instructions. You start with one, two, three...

Larry Daley: Four?

Gus: Are you crackin wise? I oughta punch you in the nose, hopscotch.

Reginald: Leave him alone, Gus. You got it covered, right, Larry?

Larry Daley: Yeah, yeah, I got it.

Gus: You better get it!

Cecil: Gus. Larry, do them in order, do them all and do them quick. And the most important thing of all to remember: don't let anything in or out.

Larry Daley: Out?

Cecil: Good luck, son.

Larry Daley: Night, Gus.

Gus: Young buck, crackin wise.

Cecil: Moving on.