Memorable Quotes from Don Knotts
14 quotesFocus on Racing, Not Romance
Wheely Applegate
All taken care of, Jim. Had a little tank with Herbie. Had to straighten him out. I don't mind having a car that's got a heart, but I will not tolerate a car falling in love with another car.
Jim Douglas
What did you expect him to fall in love with? The Goodyear blimp?
Wheely Applegate
The Goodyear — Yeah. Anyway, I said "Listen, Herbie, we're over here for one thing and one thing only. And that's to make the biggest comeback in racing history. So, no women in training camp. You just forget that little chick, and you can do it. Just a matter of mind over metal.
[laughs]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Conflict Over Herbie's Presence
Jim Douglas
Herbie!
[noticing that Herbie is gone]
Wheely Applegate
You mean "no Herbie.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Miscommunication Among Friends
Wheely Applegate
I didn't understand what he was saying.
Jim Douglas
That's OK. He didn't understand what you were saying either. Come to think of it, I don't think *I* understood what you were saying.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Value of a Classic Car
Wheely Applegate
Don't let his modesty or this little car coming out of retirement fool you. There isn't a finer turned cleaner engine anywhere.
Bruno Von Stickle
I'm sure it should be easy to keep clean. All you go to do is drop it in the washing machine, along with your socks.
Wheely Applegate
Appreciate your humor. But just don't you worry about this little washing machi... ... car!
[Jim elbows him]
Wheely Applegate
It's a REAL JEWEL!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Driving Skills and Road Challenges
Wheely Applegate
Dirty road hog! Why doesn't he learn how to drive?
Jim Douglas
He knows how to drive, that's the trouble!
Wheely Applegate
Yeah, I see what you mean.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Making a Decision Together
Theodore Ogelvie
You know something, Amos?
Amos Tucker
Huh?
Theodore Ogelvie
We got to make a decision.
Amos Tucker
What?
Theodore Ogelvie
Does the Hash Knife Outfit throw in its hand? Or do we go out in a blaze of glory?
Amos Tucker
Right! Uh, just what do you mean... blaze of glory?
Theodore Ogelvie
Fighting till the last man's killed! What's it going to be, pard?
Amos Tucker
You know that jail in Santa Fe wasn't all that bad.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Complexity of Communication in Relationships
Wheely Applegate
They never say what I mean. That's what makes the female the species deadlier than the male.
Jim Douglas
You read that some place?
Wheely Applegate
Yes, and I've got a mother, three sisters, and two ex-wives to prove it. Oh, they never told me they wanted me out of the house, but every time I came home, the lock was changed.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Frustration with Amos's Understanding
Theodore Ogelvie
You know something, Amos? The Lord poured your brains in with a teaspoon, and somebody joggled His arm. I keep trying to tell you we ain't got no lead to throw, and no powder to throw it with.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Discussion on a Character's Obsession
Jim Douglas
He's out of his mind.
[about Herbie]
Wheely Applegate
He's out of his mind, all right. Over that luscious little Lancia.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Calculating Shared Earnings from a Windfall
Amos Tucker
How much money do you figure that dude's got in front of him?
Theodore Ogelvie
About 500.
Amos Tucker
500? Wow! You know, that'll be, uh, that's 200 apiece!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Courtroom Chaos and Misunderstanding
Homer McCoy
Order! Order! This court is now in session, the Honorable Judge Homer McCoy presiding. Theodore Ogelvie, Amos Tucker, you're under arrest for attempted bank robbery. How do you plead? Guilty or not guilty?
Theodore Ogelvie
Not guilty?
Homer McCoy
Guilty!
Amos Tucker
That was the wrong one, Your Honor.
Homer McCoy
This court sentences you to be thrown into the ]'s dungeon for twenty years! And I'm giving you an extra ten-dollar fine for perjury. Take them away.
[[w:Horned King|Horned King]
Homer McCoy
Enjoy your stay at the Horned King's dungeon in Prydain at 12:00 sharp for your twenty-year sentence. And don't forget to bring your own rope.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Humiliation in Unexpected Circumstances
Theodore Ogelvie
Amos, that's the most humiliating thing that's happened to me.
Amos Tucker
I know.
Theodore Ogelvie
Three bitty kids with shovels walk right into our hideout and get the drop on us.
Amos Tucker
I know.
Theodore Ogelvie
And you burnt my hand, Amos.
Amos Tucker
Well, I'm sorry about that.
Theodore Ogelvie
And you scorched a hole in my best shirt!
Amos Tucker
Well, I can fix that.
Theodore Ogelvie
Why did you tell me those three bitty kids were a posse?
[suddenly blows his top]
Amos Tucker
Well, I thought I saw them hiding down there in the bushes.
Theodore Ogelvie
Oh, you couldn't see through a barbed-wire fence!
Amos Tucker
Theodore?
Theodore Ogelvie
That head of yours won't hold straw!
Amos Tucker
Theodore?
Theodore Ogelvie
You couldn't sell hacksaws in a jail!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Race Tensions Rise Before Heat Competition
Jim Douglas
Douglas and Applegate.
[signing in to the qualifying sound]
Race official
Douglas. Ah, yes, Monsieur Douglas. You're in the heat after this one. Good luck.
Bruno Von Stickle
That's the same heat I'm in, Douglas. You're going to need more than luck. You're going to need wings.
Wheely Applegate
Oh, yeah? Well, you may just be in for a little surprise.
Bruno Von Stickle
I can see your surprise. It is very little.
[chuckles]
Jim Douglas
Look for an even bigger surprise when the race starts.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Racing Decisions: Mechanics vs. Drivers
Jim Douglas
Is that knocking I hear in the gas tank?
Wheely Applegate
Not in my gas tank. Never!
Jim Douglas
Sounds like something clunking around in here.
Wheely Applegate
Well, we either listen to the driver and stop to take the gas tank apart, or we listen to the mechanic and try to win this race.
Jim Douglas
I'm listening to the mechanic. Let’s go, Herbie!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.