Drew BarrymoreQuotes

Jim: You know what? Hooters is too good for you. I'd never bring you there again.

Lauren: Oh, well, then I guess I'll just have to learn to get through life without Hooters.

Jim: You've been doing a pretty damn good job so far!

Lauren: [looks at her breasts] That doesn't make any sense.

Jim: [points at Lauren's breasts] No they... I didn't realize they were that big.

Lauren: You know, I'm curious. With so many possible reasons... which one's the one your wife left you for?

Jim: Cancer.

Lauren: [awkward pause] I'm sorry. I... naturally just assumed you were divorced.

Jim: It's OK. I naturally assumed your husband shot himself, so we're even.

Charlie McGee: Where's my father?

Captain Hollister: He's fine. He's happy, and he sends his love, and he wants you to cooperate with us.

Charlie McGee: You're a liar!

Captain Hollister: Now, what kinda talk is that from a nice little girl like you?

Charlie McGee: GO TO HELL!

Charlie McGee: [to Andy] If I do something bad, will you still love me?

Charlie McGee: [to her power] Back off! Just back off!

Skylar Dandridge: Good considering I'd never kissed a sociopath.

Josie Geller: The right guy, he's out there. I'm just not gonna go kiss a whole bunch of losers to get to him.

Anita Olesky: Yeah, but you know what? Sometimes kissing losers can be a really fun diversion.

James Rigfort: You! What's your name?

Josie Geller: [nervous stutter] J-Jo-Josie...

James Rigfort: Jose?

Josie Geller: Josie Geller!

Josie Geller: You know, Adelie penguins, they spend their whole lives looking for that one other penguin and when they meet them, they know. And they spend the rest of their lives together.

Tracy: But I'm not a penguin.

Sam: [has walked up next to them as Josie talked] It's an analogy.

Josie Geller: [to Tracy; puts her head in her hands] Excuse me. I have to go die now.

Anita Olesky: [runs into Josie's office and knocks down a diploma on the wall] Guess who I did it with last night?

Josie Geller: Roger from Op/Ed?

Anita Olesky: Aww... Who told you?

Josie Geller: You did. You said, and I quote "Tonight I have a date with Roger from Op/Ed, and I'm gonna do it with him.

Aldys: [talking about hopes and dreams] ...and I want to go to NorthWestern!

Josie Geller: Oh my Gosh! I went there!

Aldys: For what?

Josie Geller: ...To go to the bathroom once. They have really nice facilities.

Josie Geller: That'll teach me to wear white jeans after labor day.

Gibby Zerefski: I don't think you're supposed to wear white jeans after 1983.

Guy Perkins: Hi, I'm Guy.

Josie Geller: Yes, you are a guy. Quite a guy. Oh my. Hey, that rhymes! Yikes. Bikes!

Guy Perkins: Are you in special-ed? I mean, are you?

Kristin Davis: A Geek?

Gibby Zerefski: You totally just said that out loud.

P.E. Teacher: Now you age gonna complete these sprints, because if you don't, you fail. And if you fail gym, you'll never get into college.

Josie Geller: You guys are still telling that lie?

Sam: Sorry I'm late. It took me forever to get here.

Josie Geller: I know what you mean.

Rob Geller: I can recognize a cry for help when I see one.

Josie Geller: Hear one.

Rob Geller: Whatever.

Sam: All I can tell you is that when you're my age, guys will be lined up around the corner for you.

Josie Geller: You have to say that because you're my teacher.

Sam: Actually, I shouldn't say that because I'm your teacher.

Josie Geller: That thing, that moment, when you kiss someone and everything around becomes hazy and the only thing in focus is you and this person and you realize that that person is the only person that you're supposed to kiss for the rest of your life, and for one moment you get this amazing gift and you want to laugh and you want to cry because you feel so lucky that you found it and so scared that that it will go away all at the same time.

Cynthia: Damn, girl... you are a writer.

Josie Geller: Let me tell you something, I don't care about being your stupid prom queen. I'm 25 years old. I'm an undercover reporter for the Chicago Sun Times and I've been beating my brains out trying to impress you people. Let me tell you something, Gibby, Kirsten, Kristin, you will spend your lives trying to keep others down because it makes you feel more important. Why her? Let me tell you about this girl, she is unbelievable. I was new here and she befriended me no questions asked. But you, you were only my friend after my brother, Rob, posed as a student and told you to like me. All of you people, there is a big world out there... bigger than prom, bigger than high school and it won't matter if you were the prom queen, the quarterback of the football team, or the biggest nerd in school. Find out who you are and try not to be afraid of it.

Josie Geller: Somebody once said, "To write well, you have to write what you know." Well, here is what you know...

Josie Geller: Hey, Guy, guys, Guy's guys!

Josie Geller: Rob, you're not going to believe it, I made friends with a whole table of rastafari. Not just one, a whole table... You know what's a weird word? Fork. Oh my God, someone ate my entire pie! I don't know how that happened!

Josie Geller: I'm not Josie Grossie anymore!

Ivy: [to Sylvie Cooper] How did they know it was you? Wait a sec. I've seen your dad. He is that guy, that jerk on TV who does those tweaked editorials. You phoned in a bomb threat to your own father?! That's great. No, I mean it. I'm gonna break this to you real slow. Your dad's an idiot.

Alex Rose:   I wonder how old she is.

Nancy Kendricks:   My guess is that she's somewhere between 95 and 105.

Alex Rose: [''gives Mrs. Connelly a bottle of wine'']   We brought you this little housewarming gift. 

Mrs. Connelly:   Oh, that's very kind of you, thank you.  I'll open it for you.  I don't drink myself, it's a sin.

Alex Rose: [''to Nancy'']     Irish Catholics don't drink?

Mrs. Connelly:   Sit down, dears, sit down!  I brought ya a little something to nibble on as well.

Alex Rose:   Oh, Bugles.  Wow, I didn't realise they even still made Bugles.

Mrs. Connelly: [''offering Alex a Bugle dipped in French onion dip'']     Come along, dear, it's French onion.

Alex Rose: [''nibbles while looking at Bugles box; sees expiration date reads "October 1997"'']     Magnificent parrot.

Mrs. Connelly: [''Alex and Nancy smile'']   It's not a parrot, dear.  He's a macaw.  He's named after my late husband, Richard.  I've had Little Dick for forty years.    Now tell me about yourselves.  What do you do, Allen?

Alex Rose: [''correcting her'']     Alex.

Nancy Kendricks:   Alex is a writer.

Mrs. Connelly:   Oh, a writer. I always thought of that as more of a hobby than a real job.  I suppose I'm forgettin about Joyce.

Alex Rose:   Joyce, James Joyce, of course.  Wonderful writer.

Mrs. Connelly:   He died drunk and penniless.

Nancy Kendricks:   Well, Alex's first novel was published in hardback, and he's just about to finish his second one.

Mrs. Connelly:   Oh, what's it about?

Alex Rose:   Well, I like to call it an urban epic.  It's about three generations of this family in New York that own a printing press, and I tell a story mainly about—

Mrs. Connelly: [''bored, cutting him off''; ''Nancy counts silently'']     Oh, that's nice.  Let me give you a refill.  Big Dick had the taste, too.  He was a seaman.  The drink took him from me in 1963.  We'd been married for 58 years. 

Nancy Kendricks: [[duplex (building)|duplex]   Besides, do you realise how much the ] is going to be worth once we get both floors?

Alex Rose:   I know how much it costs.

Nancy Kendricks:   Well it's going to be worth like a bazillion times that.

Alex Rose:   Really?  A bazillion?  That's an incredible return.

Nancy Kendricks: We'll finally be happy!

Nancy Kendricks: She puts on this sweet voice.  "Nancy, could ya help meh, eh?  I think I've found the leavings of a mouse!"  Boo, hoo, hoo!  As if she didn't know it was a raisin!

Nancy Kendricks: What was she doing?

Nancy Kendricks: We forgot to christen the apartment.

Nancy Kendricks: Are those musical instruments?

Nancy Kendricks: It's a peacock!

Nancy Kendricks: Hello, Mr. Peabody!

Dylan Sanders: Kelly Garrett.

Kelly Garrett: Hello, Dylan. Don't you have a case to solve?

Dylan: Well, I tried to outrun my past, but it caught up with me yesterday. And I put my friends in danger.

Kelly: They're in more danger now without you.

Dylan: Natalie and Alex are gonna replace me with someone great. A real Angel. Not someone who's pretending to be something she's not.

Kelly: Your past is what makes you who you are, Dylan. Don't forget that Charlie chose you for a reason. Angels are like diamonds. They can't be made. You have to find them. Each one is unique. Sometimes we search too hard for answers that are right in front of us.

Sophie Fisher: Well, you know, I feel a little guilty about something.

Rhonda Fisher: [Dry] How unusual for you.

Sophie Fisher: Okay, listen, I have to tell you this; I met that guy from that band you used to like, Alex Fletcher from Pop!'?

Rhonda Fisher: Omigod!

Sophie Fisher: [Not noticing, continuing to ramble] Anyway, I do Jane's plant service, y'know, I'm taking over for her while she's gone, and anyway she does his apartment. And so I was there - actually, it was the second time - and he invited me to see him come perform tonight -

Rhonda Fisher: GARY I'M GOING OUT!!!

Sophie Fisher: [Nonplussed] ... That really wasn't the end of the story, but...

Sophie Fisher: [while over-watering the same plant] I mean we're so close. We're just not there yet. We have to stay focused and stay... you know completely understanding of what we're trying to say.

Alex Fletcher: [walks over and takes the plant away from her] Ok, you may now start killing the next one.

Sophie Fisher: [talking about Alex's solo album] I bought it... the last copy.

Alex Fletcher: Right, well, I insist on paying you back immediately. $9.99 right? Do you have a penny?

Sophie Fisher: Are you OK?

Alex Fletcher: Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. It's just my Pop! hip. It comes from years of doing our patented dance move. My God, I've suffered for my art.

Alex Fletcher: It doesn't have to be perfect. Just spit it out. They're just lyrics.

Sophie Fisher: Just lyrics"?

Alex Fletcher: Lyrics are important. They're just not as important as melody.

Sophie Fisher: I really don't think you get it.

Alex Fletcher: Oh. You look angry. Click your pen.

Sophie Fisher: A melody is like seeing someone for the first time. The physical attraction. Sex.

Alex Fletcher: I so get that.

Sophie Fisher: But then, as you get to know the person, that's the lyrics. Their story. Who they are underneath. It's the combination of the 2 that makes it magical.

Sophie Fisher: [hits her head on piano] OW!

Alex Fletcher: Yes, I think she's up now.

Alex Fletcher: [start of Way Back Into Love Demo Version] Way Back Into Love, take one.

Sophie Fisher: I-uh-I'm getting really nervous.

Alex Fletcher: You'll be fine, just use your normal, nice voice that I've heard... so much over the last three days.

Sophie Fisher: [cough] It's like, ugh, my throat's closing up. It's, like, anaphylactic.

Alex Fletcher: It's fine, it's just a three-minute song.

Alex Fletcher: [Sophie moves a chair] What are you doing, you madwoman, you're wrecking my apartment!

Sophie Fisher: Well, I can't write sitting all the way across the room.

Alex Fletcher: No, go back to your corner!

Sophie Fisher: ...Fine, all right.

Alex Fletcher: I'm blocked. How am I supposed to get out?

Sophie Fisher: Go out the other side.

Alex Fletcher: But... but... I've never been out the other side.

Alex Fletcher: Theoretically, I could pick you up because I will be taking a cab.

Sophie Fisher: I could be standing outside at 9:40 in bright orange clothes, so you wouldn't miss me...

Alex Fletcher: Oh, good, you'll get some road work done while you wait, then.

Alex Fletcher: [Hails taxi] She's going to have a baby!

Sophie Fisher: [Taxi continues driving away] Hey! What if that were true?

Alex Fletcher: You look like a worried little doggy.

Sophie Fisher: Ruff.

Alex Fletcher: I think you are way too talented and gifted...and unusual to let anyone keep you from standing.

Sophie Fisher: That's wonderfully sensitive... especially from a man who wears such tight pants.

Alex Fletcher: It forces all the blood to my heart.

Alex Fletcher: [singing; he continues, obviously derailed; in a normal speaking voice] I've been sleeping with a clown above... my...bed... "Clown" is not right. What is that word?

Sophie Fisher: It's "cloud".

Alex Fletcher: Well, write more clearly, how can you expect me to read-

Sophie Fisher: Why would you put a clown in your bed?

Alex Fletcher: Let me tell you, it would not be the first time.

Sophie Fisher: Are you trying to tell me that you enjoyed that orgasm set to the "Gandhi" soundtrack?

Penny: What are you?

Chuck Barris: Jew.

Penny Pacino: Oh, I had one of those once. But he was separatist. He was Ashka Nazi.

Chuck Barris: Ashkenazi.

Penny Pacino: Right, Ashka Nazi. I haven't had one of those yet.

Chuck Barris: You're a romantic.

Julia Sullivan: [In front of mirror while testing her wedding dress; remembers something Robbie said; pause; cries; begins to smile as she imagines Robbie being her husband] Hi. Nice to meet you. I'm Mrs. Glenn Gulia. ... Hello. It's nice to meet you. I'm Julia Gulia. It's nice to meet you. I'm Mrs. Julia Gulia. I'm pleased to meet you. I'm Mrs. Robbie Hart. Robbie and I are so pleased you could come to our wedding.

Danielle de Barbarac: [at the ball] Breathe. Just breathe.

Danielle de Barbarac: [to Henry] Why did you have to be so wonderful?

Danielle de Barbarac: [to Le Pieu] My father was an expert swordsman, monsieur. He taught me well. Now hand me that key or I swear on his grave I will slit you from navel to nose.

Danielle de Barbarac: [about the prince] Honestly, I think he and Marguerite deserve each other.

Danielle de Barbarac: [to Henry] If you suffer your people to be ill-educated, and their manners corrupted from infancy, and then punish them for those crimes to which their first education disposed them, what else is to be concluded, sire, but that you first make thieves and then punish them?

Lucy Whitmore: [repeated line] There's nothing like a first kiss..

Lucy Whitmore: Can I have one last first kiss?

Gertie: [tearfully] I just wanted to say goodbye.

Michael: He doesn't know goodbye.

E.T.: Be good.

Gertie: [kisses E.T.'s nose] Yes.

E.T.: Thank...you.

Michael: You're welcome.

E.T.: [to Elliot] Come.

Elliot: Stay.

E.T.: [after touching his heart light and then touching his lips] Ouch.

Elliot: [after repeating the gesture; tearfully gives E.T. a farewell hug for a couple minutes] Ouch.

E.T.: [after touching his finger to Elliot's forehead, his fingertip glows] I'll be right here.

Elliot: Bye.

Gertie: [about E.T.] Is he dead, Momma?

Mary: I think so, sweetheart.

Gertie: Can we wish for him to come back?

Mary: Yeah.

Gertie: I wish.

Mary: I wish, too.

Scientist: Does he sleep at night?

Mary: I don't know, I don't know. What's the matter with Elliot?

Scientist: Have you noticed any surface sweating?

Mary: No.

Scientist: Has it lost any hair?

Gertie: He never had any hair.

Scientist: Are the children all right?

Mary: Yes.

Scientist: Has it built anything or written anything down?

Michael: Uh, no.

Scientist: You said it has the ability to manipulate its own environment?

Michael: He's smart. He communicates through Elliot.

Scientist: Elliot thinks its thoughts.

Michael: No, Elliot...Elliot feels his feelings.

Elliot: [upon seeing E.T. in a dress, hat, wig, and jewelry] Oh, God!

E.T.: Elliot.

Elliot: [still frustrated] What?!

E.T.: Elliot! Elliot!

Gertie: [Elliot sees electronics and supplies together in the closet] I taught him how to talk. He can talk now. Look what he brought up here all by himself. What's he need this stuff for?

Elliot: E.T., can you say that? Can you say E.T.'? E.T.?

E.T.: E.T.

Elliot: [laughs in amazement] Ha! Ha!

E.T.: [waddling away] E.T.! E.T.! E.T.! Be good.

Gertie: Be good." I taught him that too.

Elliot: You should give him his dignity. This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen.

E.T.: [gives Elliot a newspaper and points at a comic picture] Phone.

Elliott: Phone"? He said "phone"? He said "phone"?!

Gertie: Can't you understand English? He said "phone".

E.T.: [points to closet] Home?

Elliott: You're right. That's E.T.'s home.

E.T.: [scurries over to the window and points his long finger towards it] E.T. home phone.

Gertie: E.T. phone home.

Elliot: [understanding what E.T. means] E.T. phone home. E.T. phone home!

Gertie: He wants to call somebody.

E.T.: E.T. phone home.

Michael: [shocked] My God, he's talking now.

E.T.: Home.

Elliot: E.T. phone home?

E.T.: [pointing at the window again] E.T. phone home.

Elliot: [softly] And they'll come?

E.T.: [taking off the hat and wig] Come? Home. Home.

Gertie: Here he is.

Mary: [absently] Here's who?

Gertie: [as Mary unknowingly hits E.T. with the refrigerator door] The man from the moon. But I think you've killed him already.

Mary: [inspects a small basket of cherry tomatoes] Just as soon as I unload this stuff, okay? Medbugs.

Gertie: I want you to meet somebody.

Mary: Gertie, I've gotta go pick up Elliot. Will you be a good girl until I get back?

Gertie: Momma, he can talk!

Mary: [thinking she meant Elliot] Of course he can talk. I'll be back in 10 minutes. Stay there.

Mary: What are you doing, Gertie?

Gertie: I'm going to play in Elliot's room.

Mary: Okay, don't let them torture you.

Gertie: I won't, Mary.

Michael: [in awe, upon seeing E.T.] Elliot?

Elliot: [while looking at the hiding E.T.] I'm keeping him.

Gertie: [still got her mouth covered by Michael] What is it?

Elliot: He won't hurt you, Gertie. He won't hurt you, Gertie. He's not gonna hurt you.

Gertie: [as Michael uncovers her mouth] Is he a boy or a girl?

Elliot: He's a boy.

Gertie: Was he wearing any clothes?

Elliot: No. But, look. You can't tell, not even Mom.

Gertie: Why not?

Elliot: Because, um, grown-ups can't see him. Only little kids can see him.

Gertie: [snapping back] Give me a break.

Elliot: [imitating Dracula; tosses Gertie's stuffed animal to Michael] Vell, do you know vhat's going to happen if you do tell? Do it, Mike. We have to.

Gertie: [tugging her doll with Michael] Give it to me!

Elliot: [to Gertie] Promise?

Gertie: Yes.

Elliot: [to Michael] Do you promise?

Gertie: What are you going as for Halloween?

Elliot: I'm not going to stupid Halloween.

Michael: Why don't you go as a goblin?

Elliot: Shut up.

Mary: It's not that we don't believe you, honey.

Elliot: Well, it was real, I swear!

Mary: [changing the subject] What are you going as, Gert?

Gertie: [with steak in mouth] I'm going as a cowgirl.

Elliot: So, what else is new?

Michael: Maybe it was an iguana.

Elliot: It was no iguana.

Michael: Maybe, uh...uh - You know how they say there are, uh, alligators in the sewers?

Gertie: Alligators in the sewers.

Mary: All we're trying to say is maybe you just probably imagined it. It happens.

Elliot: I couldn't have imagined it!

Michael: Maybe it was a pervert, or a deformed kid, or something.

Gertie: A deformed kid.

Michael: Maybe, uh, an elf or a leprechaun.

Elliot: [stands up angrily] IT WAS NOTHING LIKE THAT, PENIS-BREATH!

Mary: [laughs; laughs, but regains composure; clears throat] Elliot! Sit down.

Elliot: [sitting down] Dad would believe me.

Mary: Maybe you oughta call your father and tell him about it.

Elliot: I can't. He's in Mexico with Sally.

Gertie: Wh-Where's Mexico?

Mary: [leaves the table and walks to the window] Excuse me.

Michael: [softly to Elliot] I'm gonna kill you.

Mary: If you ever see it again, whatever it is, don't touch it, just call me, and we'll have somebody come and take it away.

Gertie: Like the dogcatcher?

Elliot: But they'll give it to a lobotomy, or do experiments on it, or somethin'.

Mary: It's your turn to do the dishes, fellas.

Michael: I set and cleared.

Elliot: I set and cleared.

Michael: [quickly] I did breakfast.

Gertie: I did breakfast.

Michael: What's the matter, Mom?

Mary: [emotionally; about the kids' father] He HATES Mexico.

Michael: [to Elliot] Damn it, why don't you...grow up? Think how other people feel for a change?