Dylan Baker Quotes

Philip Blackburn It gets worse. His lawyer is Catherine Alvarez.

Bob Garvin Oh, great. She'd change her name to "TV Listings" just to get it in the paper.

Jonathan Bendel I like you, Lois. You're like a man. You think with your nuts.

Bill Maplewood I wake up happy, feeling good... but then I get very depressed, because I'm living in reality.

Robert McNamara This is not a blockade. This is language. A new vocabulary, the likes of which the world has never seen! This is President Kennedy communicating with Secretary Khrushchev!

Allen I don't know I could ever really begin to talk to her. I mean what can I talk about? I have nothing to talk about, I'm boring. And I know, I've been told before so don't tell me it's not true, cause it's a fact. I bore people. People look at me and they get bored, people listen to me and they zone out... bored. Who is that boring person?', they think. I've never before met anyone so boring'. And I'm for her to see how boring I am.

Bill Maplewood Gallon of skim milk. Dozen eggs. One of those disposable cameras for this weekend. I gotta stop at the 7-11 on the way home. I gotta get the dry cleaning for Trish. I gotta check Billy's homework, and call Mrs. Mitchell about her appointment on Tuesday. I gotta reschedule the dentist, get the dog cleaned...

Mays Gilliam You're right, Vice-President Lewis. I am an amateur. When it comes to creating so many enemies that we need billions of dollars to protect ourselves, I'm an amateur. When it comes to paying farmers not to grow food while people in this country starve every day, I'm an amateur. When it comes to creating a drug policy that makes crack and heroin cheaper than asthma and AIDS medicine, I'm an amateur. But there's nothing wrong with being an amateur. The people that started the Underground Railroad were amateurs. Martin Luther King was an amateur. Have you ever been to Amateur Night at the ]? Some of the world's best talent was there: ], ], Rockwell, the Crown Heights Affair.

Martin Geller Hall and Oates!

Gilliam The Fat Boys, Rob Base. But you wouldn't know nothing about that. Why? Because when it comes to judging talent and potential.. you, my friend, are an amateur!

Vice-President Brian Lewis I believe the alderman is over his time.

Gilliam No, no you had eight years of talk. Now it's my turn. I'm gonna get mine. I'm getting mine!

Arbiter Ladies and gentlemen, hold your applause, please.

Gilliam How can you help the poor if you never been poor? How can you stop crime if you don't know no criminals? How can you make drug policy if you never smoked a chronic? How can you do that? Just a nickel bag. I'm a real American. I've been high, I've been robbed, I've been broke. My credit is horrible. They won't even take my cash! Now, you're always talking about "God bless America, and no place else," but isn't it obvious that God has blessed America? America is the richest, most powerful nation on Earth. If America was a woman, America would be a big-titty woman and everybody loves a big-titted woman. So in closing, I'd like to say you are full of shit! "God bless America and no place else." How about "God bless Haiti"? How about "God bless Africa"? How about "God bless Jamaica"? I'm not talking about Jamaica, the beach tribes y'all love, I'm talking about stabbing in Jamaica. That's what I'm talking about. So tonight, I want to say God bless America, and everybody else! The whole world! God bless you! I'm Mays Gilliam, and I'm running for President of the United States of America. Ya heard?

Alexander Rance What do you think you're going to accomplish by interfering with our business, Mr. Sullivan?

Michael Sullivan This has nothing to do with your business.

Alexander Rance It's all business. That's what you fail to grasp. And in business, you must have something to trade. And you, Mr. Sullivan, have nothing to trade. Especially not for anyone as valuable as Connor Rooney.

Alexander Rance It's open. Top marks for speed, no marks for cookery.

Alexander Rance What, may I ask, do you call this?

Michael Sullivan Put it down.

Alexander Rance Mr. Sullivan!

Michael Sullivan Mr. Rance.

Alexander Rance How did you find me?

Michael Sullivan This is the best hotel in the area and you are so very... particular.

Alexander Rance Yes, indeed, Mr. Sullivan.

Mr. Kreeg Spike! Spike! Get your ass in here. Are you finished crapping or what? Who the hell is that?

Mr. Kreeg I've got an NRA membership in my pocket and a shotgun over the fireplace, so get outta here before I...

Steven It's me, Mr. Kreeg. Steven, Steven Wilkins.

Mr. Kreeg What in God's name are you doing down there, Wilkins? Hiding Bodies?

Mr. Kreeg What did you say?

Steven Nothing, its... Uh, septic tank is acting up.

Mr. Kreeg Is that what that smell is?

Steven I'm afraid so.

Mr. Kreeg Then fix it. It stinks like a dead whore out here.

Steven I'm... ...trying.

Mr. Kreeg And keep your kid out of my yard. Goddamn freak.

Steven Happy Halloween.

Mr. Kreeg Screw you!

Alexander Rance This is Mr. Rance in the bridal suite and before you proffer your phony congratulations there is no Mrs. Rance residing with me and I'm all the better for it. Now, listen carefully because I am in no mood. I'm going to say this only once. I would like a boiled egg and I want it runny.

Alexander Rance Finally, Top marks for speed. No marks for cookery.

Finn McGovern You rule this town as God rules the Earth.

Speakeasy employee All the money for frills and twists and none at all for food or neccessities. Sometimes I think I am dealing with a different species.

Steven Happy Halloween.

Billy Daddy! I'm back from Trick-or-Treating!

Steven Billy. Shh. Please, be quiet.

Billy Why?

Steven Because you'll bother the neighbors, now go watch Charlie Brown and I'll be in in a minute.

Billy Charlie's Brown's an asshole!

Steven Billy Wilkens! Language.