Memorable Quotes from Eddie Griffin
14 quotesConfronting the Grim Reaper's Identity
Undercover Brother
Who the hell are you, woman?! You're the Grim Reaper, ain'tcha?! I don't wanna go to hell!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation in Khakis
Undercover Brother
Damn it woman, will you just back off?
Announcer
Attention, angry black man in khakis.
[over PA speaker]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Cultural Commentary on Overwhelming Whiteness
Undercover Brother
Caucasian overload! Caucasian overload!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embracing Change in Undercover Brother's Journey
Undercover Brother
It's time to say goodbye to Anton Jackson... and say "what it is" to Undercover Brother.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Cindy Meets Her Unconventional Aunt ShaNeequa
Cindy
Hello?
ShaNeequa
I know. You're Cindy. Be right with you.
Cindy
Aunt ShaNeequa?
ShaNeequa
Bingo. But you can call me the Oracle. And don't worry about that vase.
Cindy
What vase? Oh! Sorry. I didn't know. ] with a vase braining her] Oh! Aah!
[''Bumps into a vase but it doesn't fall off''; ''Walks into a [[w:Doric order|doric column]
ShaNeequa
That vase. Please, sit.
[''Cindy sits and farts'']
Cindy
It was the chair.
ShaNeequa
Mmm. Yes, the chair. I know why you've come. A great mystery lies ahead of you, but you must not shy away from the challenge. Only you can be the one... Orpheus?
[''Farting loudly''; ''Orpheus enters and turns on TV'']
Orpheus
What, baby?
ShaNeequa
Sweetie?
Orpheus
I'm watching the game.
ShaNeequa
Do you mind? ] will win by 12. ] on ground in expressed displeasure]
[[w:Los Angeles|The Lakers; ''Orpheus raises both hands and drops [[w:Remote control|TV remote]
Cindy
So can you tell me about-
ShaNeequa
The tape?
Cindy
Yes. I watched it and-
ShaNeequa
The phone rang.
Cindy
Right. Then this voice said-
ShaNeequa
That you would die.
Cindy
Okay, that's getting-
ShaNeequa
Extremely annoying.
Cindy
Yeah.
Orpheus
Try being married to her. I catch shit about women I ain't slept with yet.
ShaNeequa
You made a copy of the tape. Let's see it.
[''They start playing tape'']
Cindy
Yes. Okay. ShaNeequa, can you tell me if... The tape is connected to the crop circles and the aliens?
ShaNeequa
Yes. But it's up to you to discover how for yourself.
Cindy
Look, it's a...
ShaNeequa
Cigarette?
Cindy
I was going to say ].
[[w:lighthouse|lighthouse]
Orpheus
Find that lighthouse. It's your destiny.
Cindy
Wait. What is that? Oh, my God.
[''Picks fly off TV woman's nose''; ''Fly flies away and flies back to its original spot'']
ShaNeequa
There we go! Ugh!
[''ShaNeequa grabs a flyswatter and swats screen with TV woman reacting''; ''TV woman retaliates with flyswatter on ShaNeequa'']
Orpheus
Now, baby!
ShaNeequa
I knew that was gonna happen!
Orpheus
Uh-oh. Come on.
Shaneequa
Oh, hell, no! Get your ass out of the TV! What's wrong with you? I'm gonna teach you! Get out of that TV!
[''Grabs TV woman'']
Orpheus
Baby, no! No! Let her go! Let her go! Let her go! We gonna get another lawsuit!
[''Manhandles her away'']
ShaNeequa
She spit on me! I'm gonna kill the bitch!
Orpheus
Ah! You won! You won! You won! You won! Upstairs!
ShaNeequa
Okay!
Orpheus
Down low!
[''They do high-fives and low-fives'']
ShaNeequa
Okay! All right!
Orpheus
Baby, no!
[''Lunges again'']
ShaNeequa
Kill her!
Orpheus
Is you crazy?! Baby!
ShaNeequa
What you gonna brush now? What you gonna brush now, huh?
[''Laughs while holding clump of hair'']
Orpheus
Come on, baby!
ShaNeequa
You picked the wrong TV to come out of!
[''TV woman falls down beaten'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Celebrating Motown's Influence and Spirit
Undercover Brother
Holy Motown!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questioning Medical Oversights in Child's Health
John Q. Archibald
You know, what I don't understand is why they never found it, the doctors. My son has had clean checkups every year since the day he was born. How could the doctors not pick it up?
Dr. Turner
He might not have been tested thoroughly enough.
John Q. Archibald
Why not?
Steve Maguire
You got an ], right?
[[w:Health maintenance organization|HMO]
John Q. Archibald
Yeah.
Steve Maguire
Well, there's your answer. I mean, HMO's pay their doctors not to test. It's their way of keeping costs down. Now, let's say Michael did need additional testing and insurance says they won't cover them. The doctor keeps his mouth shut, and come Christmas, The HMO sends the doctor a fat-ass bonus cheque.
[points to Dr. Turner]
John Q. Archibald
Is that true?
[to Dr. Turner]
Dr. Turner
Possible. Not likely, but possible.
John Q. Archibald
You telling me that these doctors may have known what was wrong with my son and they could have treated him all along?
Dr. Turner
Who knows? I don't know.
Lester Matthews
Don't take this personal, Doc. But, y'all bunch a goddamn crooks.
Dr. Turner
You don't know what you're talking about.
Julie Byrd
What about that thing that you guys take?
Dr. Turner
The thing?
Julie Byrd
Yeah, that promise. What do they call it?
Steve Smith
It's called the ].
[[w:Hippocratic Oath|Hippocratic Oath]
Lester Matthews
More like the hypocritical oath'. How's it go, Doc? "I solemnly swear to take care of the sick and damn-near-dying, unless they ain't got major medical." Something like that?
Dr. Turner
You've got it perfectly, that's it.
Steve Maguire
It's funny, but it's not that far from the truth, okay?! This shit happens all the time! Paramedics bring in some accident victim and when the big boys in Accounting find out they can't pay, they send them packing.
Julie Byrd
Hospitals can't turn people away!
Steve Smith
Isn't there laws against that?
Steve Maguire
Yeah, there's laws! But there's also ways around those laws. The only thing we have to do is stabilise them. And after that, we're off the hook and you know it.
[to Dr. Turner]
Dr. Turner
That's not how it works.
Steve Maguire
That's exactly how it works! Maybe, not up there on the fifth floor. But in here, if you don't have any money, you get a Band-Aid, a foot in the ass and you're out the door!
Dr. Turner
Shut up. Enough already! I've heard all the bitching and moaning I can stand for one day, alright? Look, if you want to regard me as some kind of blood-sucking vampire, then fine, great, I'll be the bad guy. But who's holding the fucking gun?
[points at John]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embracing Funk in Challenging Times
Undercover Brother
There's times for falling apart, and there's times for gettin funky. This is one of those funky times!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Consequences of Disrespecting Personal Identity
Undercover Brother
You mess with the fro... you got to go.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Brotherly Affirmation of Identity
Undercover Brother
Ja mon, rasta!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questioning Responsibility in a Crisis Situation
John Q. Archibald
Who was driving?
Mitch Quigley
Huh?
John Q. Archibald
The car. Who was driving?
Mitch Quigley
I was. What's that got to do with anything?
John Q. Archibald
Why's your girl all banged up and you're not?
Mitch Quigley
What do you call this?
[shows light scratches on arm]
Mitch Quigley
What are you laughing at?
Lester Matthews
Somebody get this fool a band-aid. I don't want you to bleed to death.
Mitch Quigley
Screw you man. This shit hurts.
Julie Byrd
His airbag went off and mine didn't.
John Q. Archibald
What kind of car do you drive?
Mitch Quigley
Mercedes 500.
John Q. Archibald
You drive a Mercedes 500? Oh. What year?
Mitch Quigley
1986. It's a classic.
John Q. Archibald
Mercedes didn't make passenger side air-bags til 1988.
Lester Matthews
Busted!
[laughs]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Invitation to Dance and Enjoy
Undercover Brother
Your body's slammin'. Let's get to jammin'.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Tension Escalates During Wedding Disruption
Deion
THAT'S ENOUGH!! THAT'S ENOUGH!! ENOUGH!! ENOUGH!! ENOUGH!! ENOUGH!! Stop the music!
[screaming]
Pope Sweet Jesus
Hold on...
Deion
Shut up! You two, shut up! That's it. This is husband-and-wife time. Now, let's go. Let's go. Husband-and-wife stuff.
[cuts Pope off]
Preacher
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today...
Norbit
I object!
Preacher
Oh, for Christ sake!
[''frustrated'']
Mr. Wong
Norbit.
[''pleased'']
Pope Sweet Jesus and Lord Have Mercy
Norbit!
[''cheers'']
Kate
Norbit!
[''surprised'']
Choir
Norbit-t-t-t!
[''singing'']
Norbit
This wedding's a sham and I'm here to stop it.
Kate
Norbit, what are you doing?
Norbit
I'm bein a man for the first time in my life. Kate... Kate, I love you.
Rasputia
What the hell did you just say?!
[''Rasputia, Big Jack, and Earl stormed into the church'']
Norbit
You heard what I said, strumpet! I love Kate! That right! I love you, Kate! And the last two weeks I spent with you have meant more to me than my whole entire miserable life with you, Rasputia! It's over! Norbit Albert Rice is no longer your (mouth silently)!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embracing Uniqueness and Individuality
Undercover Brother
Too funky for myself.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.