Memorable Quotes from Eileen Brennan
11 quotesSearching for a Missing Person
Billie
Who told you this guy was in here?
Lt. Snyder
Nobody, I just know what kind of woman he likes. Going to check all the joy houses till I find him.
Billie
Oh, well maybe I could help you, if you tell me his name.
Lt. Snyder
I doubt it. Which way are the rooms?
Billie
Right through there. But I wouldn't go in there if I were you.
Lt. Snyder
What you are going to do, call the cops?
Billie
I don't have to. You'd be busting in on the Chief of Police just up the hall.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Intrusion Concerns in the Cat Lady's Home
The Cat Lady
What the hell did you bring into my house?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Life in a Small Town
Genevieve
One thing I know for sure - a person can't sneeze in this town without somebody offerin him a handkerchief...it's an awful small town for any kinda carryin on...And some people got a lotta guns.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Bathroom Inquiry in a Social Setting
Mrs. Peacock
Yvette, is there a little girls room in the hall?
Yvette
Oui, oui, madame.
Mrs. Peacock
No, I just I wanna powder my nose.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Question of Companionship
The Cat Lady
...You kids got anyone else with you?...
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Criminal History of a Suspected Smuggler
Tess Skeffington
There's nothing on him until 46, when he was picked up in El Paso, Texas for trying to smuggle a truckload of rich, white Americans across the border into Mexico to pick melons. He was sent to the Dallas state hospital for mental observation.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Accusations Fly Over Mysterious Shooting
Professor Plum
It must've been Mr. Green who shot the singing telegram!
Mr. Green
I didn't do it!
Col. Mustard
Well, there's nobody else left!
Mr. Green
But I didn't do it! The gun is missing! Whoever's got the gun shot the girl!
Wadsworth
I shot her.
Col. Mustard, Mrs. Peacock, Mrs. White, Ms. Scarlet, Prof. Plum
You?!
Mr. Green
So it was you. I was going to expose you.
Wadsworth
I know. So I choose to expose myself.
Col. Mustard
Please! There are ladies present.
Wadsworth
You thought Mr. Boddy was dead, but why? None of you even met him until tonight.
Mr. Green
You're Mr. Boddy!
Prof. Plum
Wait a minute! So who did I kill?
Wadsworth
My butler.
Prof. Plum
Oh, shucks.
Wadsworth
He was expendable, like all of you. I'm grateful to you all for disposing of my network of spies and informers. Saved me a lot of trouble. Now there's no evidence against me.
Mrs. White
This all has nothing to do with my disappearing nuclear physicist husband or Colonel Mustard's work on the new top secret fusion bomb?
Wadsworth
No. Communism is just a red herring.
Mr. Green
But the police will be here any minute. You'll never get away with this, any of you.
Wadsworth
Why should the police come? Nobody's called them.
Mrs. Peacock
You mean-- Oh, my God! Of course!
Wadsworth
So why shouldn't we get away with it? We'll stack the bodies in the cellar, lock it, leave quietly one at a time, and forget that any of this ever happened.
Mr. Green
And you'll just- just go on blackmailing us all.
Wadsworth
Of course. Why not?
Mr. Green
Well, I'll tell you why not.
Wadsworth
Oh, good shot, Green! And very good.
[slumps to the floor, reaches a hand inside his coat, and looks at the blood on his fingers; He dies]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unrequited Love and Small Town Frustrations
Genevieve
She doesn't have a good disposition - what are you blue about then?
[about Charlene]
Sonny
Ain't nobody to go with in this town. Jacy's the only pretty girl in school and Duane's got her.
Genevieve
I'd call that his tough luck...Jacy'll bring him more misery than she'll ever be worth.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstanding of Ownership in a Rural Setting
The Cat Lady
That's not my scarecrow.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Concern for Sam's Well-Being
Tess Skeffington
Please, excuse Sam. He was shot in the head last week. He shouldn't even be out of the hospital.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Miscommunication in a Confined Space
Col. Mustard
Wadsworth, am I right in thinking there's nobody else in this house?
Wadsworth
Um... no.
Col. Mustard
Then there is someone else in this house?
Wadsworth
Sorry, I said "no" meaning "yes.
Col. Mustard
No" meaning "yes?" Look, I want a straight answer, is there someone else, or isn't there, yes, or no?
Wadsworth
No.
Col. Mustard
No there is, or no there isn't?
Wadsworth
Yes.
Mrs. White
PLEASE! Don't you think we should get that man out of the house before he finds out what's been going on here!
[Smashes glass on fireplace]
Miss Scarlet
Yeah!
Professor Plum
How can we throw him outside in this weather?
Miss Scarlet
If we let him stay in the house, he may get suspicious!
Professor Plum
If we throw him out, he may get even more suspicious!
Col. Mustard
If I were him, I'd be suspicious already!
Mrs. Peacock
Oh, who cares? That guy doesn't matter! Let him stay locked up for another half an hour. The police will be here by then... and there are two dead bodies in the study!
[hysterical]
All
Shhhhhhhhhhh!
Col. Mustard
Well, there is still some confusion as to whether or not there is anybody else in this house!
Wadsworth
I told you, there isn't.
Col. Mustard
There isn't any confusion, or there isn't anybody else?
Wadsworth
Either! Or both.
Col. Mustard
Just give me a clear answer!
Wadsworth
Certainly! What was the question?
[clears throat]
Col. Mustard
Is there anybody else in this house?
[shouting]
All
No!
[shouting]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.