Memorable Quotes from Erik von Detten
11 quotesDinner Invitation Amidst Uncertainty
Mrs. Lewis
I...I am really sorry, Ashley. I just didn't know he had a girlfriend.
Mr. Lewis
Say, would you like to stay for dinner tonight?
Deacon
Oh, no, no. Ashley has this, this...
Ashley
...Okay.
Mr. Lewis
Great, I'm Art.
[presents his hand for a handshake]
Mrs. Lewis
Oh, stop.
[quickly slaps his hand away before Ashley removes her hands from covering her breasts]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Consequences of a Poorly Planned Scheme
Fred
See? See, I told you this Scarface plan was stupid.
Deacon
This is great...so now not only do we have no car, no girls, we also got no money!
Matt
And no porn.
Deacon
Shit!
Matt
Tony Montana would be pissed...
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Introduction of Naomi to Mrs. Lewis
Mrs. Lewis
Deacon? Who is it?
[from the dinner table]
Naomi
Hi, Mrs. Lewis, I'm Naomi.
[walks in to the dinner table]
Deacon
Christ...this is Naomi and she's my...my good...
Naomi
...Girlfriend.
Mrs. Lewis
His...his girlfriend?
Max (K)
Deacon has TWO girlfriends?!
Deacon
I'm gonna break your arm around, Max.
[whispering]
Naomi
What do you mean?
[to Max]
Max (K)
Deacon's OTHER girlfriend is having dinner with us.
[points at her]
Deacon
Oh, God. I can explain.
Mr. Lewis
Naomi, this is Deacon's other girlfriend, Ashley.
[Casually]
Ashley
Hi.
Naomi
Oh my God. How old are you, you slut?
Ashley
Eighteen.
Naomi
I thought you were a nice guy.
[looking at Deacon; leaves Deacon's house]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Help in a Confusing Moment
Deacon
Hmm, Ashley, maybe you could help him out.
Jake
Yeah. Wait, what?
Ashley
Okay.
[Casually]
Ashley
Oh! Oh, God.
[after Jake howls twice and then has a premature ejaculation on her hand]
Matt
Wait, I'm not set up for that shot!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Deciding the Next Step Together
Matt
Alright, so now what? Do we make this thing?
Deacon
I don't know. Maybe we should just call it quits.
Ashley
Hey, guys.
Deacon
Oh, Ash, hey. What are you doing here?
Ashley
I need you.
Fred
What?!
Ashley
I need you to make this movie. For my reel.
[Deacon puts on a puzzled expression]
Deacon
Well, actually we were just talking about...
Ashley
...Oh, wow. You have an eyelash, Deacon. Make a wish.
[suddenly touches Deacon's face]
Deacon
] is a drug more powerful than heroin. And girls know it. They use our obsession against us, to get flowers and class rings and commitments. And in Ashley's case, full length adult videos. But come on, if she hadn't come back, we could have stopped. But we were weak. And at that moment, if Ashley would have asked us to jump off a bridge...as I'm sure you can guess...we would have done it. We had to finish the film.
[gently blows the eyelash from her finger and starts narrating; [w:Testosterone|Testosterone]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Family Disappointment and the Need for Explanation
Mrs. Lewis
We just want you to know how deeply disappointed we are in you.
Deacon
I can explain.
Mr. Lewis
You can explain?! Well, explain it to me, son, explain it!
Deacon
Believe me, if you just give me a chance...
Mr. Lewis
How in the hell can you ever explain this?!
[presents Deacon's mail sent diploma]
Mrs. Lewis
How did you manage to get a C in biology?
Mr. Lewis
You are a straight A student, boy!
Mrs. Lewis
I knew we shouldn't have let him have a girlfriend.
Mr. Lewis
Let alone two...
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Age and Perception in Conversation
Ashley
Johnson sounds like a complete moron.
Mr. Lewis
Exacly!
[holds her palm tightly with his own palm in excitement]
Mrs. Lewis
Ashley...I have a personal question for you. Exactly how old are you?
Ashley
Oh, well, I'm nineteen. But I, ah, I tell people I'm eighteen, right?
Deacon
Eighteen...I, it's just...isn't that funny?
[joins his father in laughter]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Dreams of Success and Reality Check
Deacon
That...should be us.
Fred
That's not gonna be us. This year, next year, or any year. Ever.
Deacon
Why not? Think about it. All you gotta do is follow the simple lessons of ] in ].
[[w:Tony Montana|Tony Montana; [w:Scarface (1983 film)|Scarface]
Matt
Oh, good movie. [starts imitating Scarface#Tony Montana|
[just arrived in his bicycle]
Deacon
Word.
Matt
Word.
Fred
So we're gonna become Cuban drug lords?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Nature's Primal Behaviors Explored in Class
Deacon
Shup up and listen to me. I figured out a way to get back on the Tony Montana track. So I'm at the zoo today...
Biology / Health Teacher
People. People. Witness the miracle of nature at its most primal.
Deacon
And these monkeys are doing it. They're going insane and Ms. Ariel is videotaping it.
[Narrating]
Biology / Health Teacher
With one...final thrust...of his engorged penis, the male deposits his seed...and moves on. Probably to a younger...more desirable female. One who doesn't have any issues. Whatever that means.
[puts on a blank expression on her face]
Deacon
And that's when it hit me.
[Narrating]
Biology / Health Teacher
Incoming!
Deacon
...Well, Roger, actually.
[Narrating]
Roger
A little help?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Debate on Morality and Consent in Transactions
Fred
Well, what about the moral implications?
Deacon
It's a free market transaction between two consenting adults. What's the problem?
Fred
Ah, hello? We're not adults...
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
School Legends and Awkward Confessions
Deacon
And even though we kept quiet about the film, word got around. And just like Coop said, we became legends of the school. And Fred finally learned how to talk to a girl.
[Narrating]
Wendy
Hey, Fred. I hear you know a thing or two about giving a woman pleasure.
Fred
No, I don't... Matt knows a thing or two about giving women pleasure. I know everything...
[everybody looks disappointed]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.