Barely Legal - School Legends and Awkward Confessions
Deacon: [Narrating]
And even though we kept quiet about the film, word got around. And just like Coop said, we became legends of the school. And Fred finally learned how to talk to a girl.
Wendy:
Hey, Fred. I hear you know a thing or two about giving a woman pleasure.
Fred: [everybody looks disappointed]
No, I don't... Matt knows a thing or two about giving women pleasure. I know everything...
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Barely Legal - Family Disappointment and the Need for Explanation
Mrs. Lewis:
We just want you to know how deeply disappointed we are in you.
Deacon:
I can explain.
Mr. Lewis:
You can explain?! Well, explain it to me, son, explain it!
Deacon:
Believe me, if you just give me a chance...
Mr. Lewis: [presents Deacon's mail sent diploma]
How in the hell can you ever explain this?!
Mrs. Lewis:
How did you manage to get a C in biology?
Mr. Lewis:
You are a straight A student, boy!
Mrs. Lewis:
I knew we shouldn't have let him have a girlfriend.
Mr. Lewis:
Let alone two...
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Barely Legal - Deciding the Next Step Together
Matt:
Alright, so now what? Do we make this thing?
Deacon:
I don't know. Maybe we should just call it quits.
Ashley:
Hey, guys.
Deacon:
Oh, Ash, hey. What are you doing here?
Ashley:
I need you.
Fred:
What?!
Ashley: [Deacon puts on a puzzled expression]
I need you to make this movie. For my reel.
Deacon:
Well, actually we were just talking about...
Ashley: [suddenly touches Deacon's face]
...Oh, wow. You have an eyelash, Deacon. Make a wish.
Deacon: [gently blows the eyelash from her finger and starts narrating; [w:Testosterone|Testosterone]
] is a drug more powerful than heroin. And girls know it. They use our obsession against us, to get flowers and class rings and commitments. And in Ashley's case, full length adult videos. But come on, if she hadn't come back, we could have stopped. But we were weak. And at that moment, if Ashley would have asked us to jump off a bridge...as I'm sure you can guess...we would have done it. We had to finish the film.
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Barely Legal - Introduction of Naomi to Mrs. Lewis
Mrs. Lewis: [from the dinner table]
Deacon? Who is it?
Naomi: [walks in to the dinner table]
Hi, Mrs. Lewis, I'm Naomi.
Deacon:
Christ...this is Naomi and she's my...my good...
Naomi:
...Girlfriend.
Mrs. Lewis:
His...his girlfriend?
Max (K):
Deacon has TWO girlfriends?!
Deacon: [whispering]
I'm gonna break your arm around, Max.
Naomi: [to Max]
What do you mean?
Max (K): [points at her]
Deacon's OTHER girlfriend is having dinner with us.
Deacon:
Oh, God. I can explain.
Mr. Lewis: [Casually]
Naomi, this is Deacon's other girlfriend, Ashley.
Ashley:
Hi.
Naomi:
Oh my God. How old are you, you slut?
Ashley:
Eighteen.
Naomi: [looking at Deacon; leaves Deacon's house]
I thought you were a nice guy.
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Barely Legal - Age and Perception in Conversation
Ashley:
Johnson sounds like a complete moron.
Mr. Lewis: [holds her palm tightly with his own palm in excitement]
Exacly!
Mrs. Lewis:
Ashley...I have a personal question for you. Exactly how old are you?
Ashley:
Oh, well, I'm nineteen. But I, ah, I tell people I'm eighteen, right?
Deacon: [joins his father in laughter]
Eighteen...I, it's just...isn't that funny?
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Barely Legal - Dinner Invitation Amidst Uncertainty
Mrs. Lewis:
I...I am really sorry, Ashley. I just didn't know he had a girlfriend.
Mr. Lewis:
Say, would you like to stay for dinner tonight?
Deacon:
Oh, no, no. Ashley has this, this...
Ashley:
...Okay.
Mr. Lewis: [presents his hand for a handshake]
Great, I'm Art.
Mrs. Lewis: [quickly slaps his hand away before Ashley removes her hands from covering her breasts]
Oh, stop.
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Barely Legal - Unexpected Help in a Confusing Moment
Deacon:
Hmm, Ashley, maybe you could help him out.
Jake:
Yeah. Wait, what?
Ashley: [Casually]
Okay.
Ashley: [after Jake howls twice and then has a premature ejaculation on her hand]
Oh! Oh, God.
Matt:
Wait, I'm not set up for that shot!
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Barely Legal - Debate on Morality and Consent in Transactions
Fred:
Well, what about the moral implications?
Deacon:
It's a free market transaction between two consenting adults. What's the problem?
Fred:
Ah, hello? We're not adults...
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Barely Legal - Nature's Primal Behaviors Explored in Class
Deacon:
Shup up and listen to me. I figured out a way to get back on the Tony Montana track. So I'm at the zoo today...
Biology / Health Teacher:
People. People. Witness the miracle of nature at its most primal.
Deacon: [Narrating]
And these monkeys are doing it. They're going insane and Ms. Ariel is videotaping it.
Biology / Health Teacher: [puts on a blank expression on her face]
With one...final thrust...of his engorged penis, the male deposits his seed...and moves on. Probably to a younger...more desirable female. One who doesn't have any issues. Whatever that means.
Deacon: [Narrating]
And that's when it hit me.
Biology / Health Teacher:
Incoming!
Deacon: [Narrating]
...Well, Roger, actually.
Roger:
A little help?
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Barely Legal - Consequences of a Poorly Planned Scheme
Fred:
See? See, I told you this Scarface plan was stupid.
Deacon:
This is great...so now not only do we have no car, no girls, we also got no money!
Matt:
And no porn.
Deacon:
Shit!
Matt:
Tony Montana would be pissed...
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Barely Legal - Dreams of Success and Reality Check
Deacon:
That...should be us.
Fred:
That's not gonna be us. This year, next year, or any year. Ever.
Deacon: [[w:Tony Montana|Tony Montana; [w:Scarface (1983 film)|Scarface]
Why not? Think about it. All you gotta do is follow the simple lessons of ] in ].
Matt: [just arrived in his bicycle]
Oh, good movie. [starts imitating Scarface#Tony Montana|
Deacon:
Word.
Matt:
Word.
Fred:
So we're gonna become Cuban drug lords?
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