Gene WilderQuotes

Skip Donahue: I want a bigger cell! With better ventilation!

Deputy Ward Wilson: Why? Grossberger been farin on ya?

Big Mean: What's the charge?

Harry Monroe: Innocent.

Big Mean: Ain't we all?

Harry Monroe: Bank robbery?

Big Mean: Oh, shit.

Harry Monroe: Ooooh, shit!

Big Mean: You can kiss the baby.

Harry Monroe: Kiss the baby?

Skip Donahue: [to Big Mean] What baby is that, sir?

Big Mean: Ask your lawyer.

Skip Donahue: What are you doing?

Harry Monroe: I'm gettin bad. You better get bad, Jack. Cause if you ain't bad, you're gonna get fucked.

Warden Walter Beatty: You're gonna represent Glenboro prision in the annual Top Hand-competition. Congratulations!

Skip Donahue: Oh! Oh my god! Warden! I can't do that!

Warden Walter Beatty: What in the hell are you talking about...?

Skip Donahue: Well, I should have told you in your office! My mother was a veterinarian! I can't have anything to do with the exploatation of animals, she'd turn over in her grave!

Warden Walter Beatty: I don't believe you heard me correctly. This is very important to me!

Skip Donahue: [looks up; looks at the warden; looks up at the sky again, and walks off] Important to you? My mother is watching over every step I make! Do you know that my soul is on the line here...? So let's just drop... What? I said no. Whoa, I told him no! Ma, are you crazy? I have witnesses... All right, we'll talk about it in my cell! Uhm... I have to go to the bathroom. Would you excuse me, warden?

Skip Donahue: We tried to teach him Charades! He didn't get it! He just didn't get it!

Skip Donahue: This filthy, roach-ridden reality is inspiring... What did that second policeman say to you when he grabbed you by the throat?

Harry Monroe: Man, I don't fucking believe you!

Skip Donahue: Man, I don't fucking believe you!" Fabulous!

Harry Monroe: [[The Count of Monte Cristo] You don't get it, do you, Skip? You think this is ] or something. We're in deep trouble. This is the real deal. We're in deep shit.

Stanley: I hate the taste of alcohol, but if I don't drink, I feel awful.

Stanley: I will not submit!

Stanley: Rhinoceros!

Leo Bloom: [reading the title of the play for the first time] Springtime for Hitler: A Gay Romp with Adolf and Eva at Berchtesgaden"... Wow...

Franz Liebekind: I am the author. You are the audience. I outrank you!

Franz Liebekind: Adolf Elizabeth Hitler

Leo Bloom: Go away, go away. You frighten me.

Leo Bloom: You're gonna jump on me.

Leo Bloom: Let's assume, just for the moment, that you are a dishonest man.

Leo Bloom: Max! Please don't say that word again.

Leo Bloom: It's just that I've had it ever since I was a baby, and I find it very comforting.

Leo Bloom: GIMME MY BLUE BLANKET!!!

Leo Bloom: [pulls out his blue blanket and hugs it] Mr. Bialystock, I cannot FUNCTION under these conditions! You're making me extremely nervous.

George Caldwell: Is there any way to get to the engine from here?

Ralston: There's no way to get to the engine at all. How come we're going so fast?

George Caldwell: There's nobody driving the train.

Ralston: Oh, that's impossible. The train would stop.

George Caldwell: Does it look like it is stopping to you?

Ralston: [looks out the window] Sure in the hell don't. I'm gonna pull the emergency brake.

Grover Muldoon: The emergency brakes have been cut.

Ralston: [pauses] Damn hippies!

Devereau: The Silver Streak does have its drawbacks, but please try the marmalade. They do provide an excellent cuisine.

Grover: Oh, thank you, sir. I'll tell the boys in the kitchen. We aims to please. Coffee, miss?

Hilly: No, thanks.

Grover: He ain't bullshittin about the cuisine.

Devereau: Steward?

Grover: Is that your lady, man? She's somethin else.

Devereau: Steward!

Grover: Stand up, mama. Let me get a look at you.

Devereau: Steward!

Grover: Mm, mm, mm! Have mercy!

Devereau: Steward, you may go.

Grover: Just a little more coffee?

Devereau: No, thank you.

Grover: [pours coffee in Devereau's lap] Half a cup? Oh, sorry, sir. Look what I've done.

Devereau: You... Get out of...

Grover: See what I've done...

Devereau: You ignorant nigger!

Grover: [pulling a gun] Who you callin nigger, huh? You don't know me well enough to call me no nigger! I'll slap the taste out your mouth! You don't even know my name! I'll whoop your ass! Beat the white off your ass!

Hilly: Who are you?

Grover: I'm a thief.

George: It's all right, Hilly. He's a friend of mine.

Hilly: Hello.

Grover: Hi.

Hilly: Hi.

Grover: So this is Mister Big?

George: That's the man.

Grover: [to Devereau] You ain't saying shit now, Mister Big.

Devereau: I must admit that I'm slightly at a loss for words. But on the other hand, I should warn you that you are a killer and you are wanted by the police in every state and I recommend that you, uh, be careful.

George Caldwell: [points the gun at Devereau] You're the killer who's wanted by the police in every state. That man you had shot wasn't a vitamin salesman, he was a federal agent. They've been after you for two years, ever since that plane crash in Cologne, Germany, when you caused a hundred people to die just to cover up your link with the scandal at the Metropolitan Gallery. So why don't we get them the proof that they wanted? Let's go and get the Rembrandt letters. Get up.

Roger Devereau: If you insist.

George Caldwell: [running gag whenever he's ejected from the train in any manner] Son of a bitch!

George Caldwell: You stupid, ignorant, son of a bitch, dumb bastard! Jesus Christ, I met some dumb bastards in time, but you outdo them all! Get over there!

Willy Wonka: [in the tunnel] There's no earthly way of knowingwhich direction we are going.There's no knowing where we're rowing,or which way the river's flowing.Is it raining? Is it snowing?Is a hurricane a-blowing? BLAH!Not a speck of light is showing,so the danger must be growing.Are the fires of hell a-glowing?Is the grisly reaper mowing?!YES! The danger must be growing,for the rowers keep on rowing...And they're certainly not showing...ANY SIGNS THAT THEY ARE SLOWING!!!

Willy Wonka: If the good Lord had intended us to walk, he wouldn't have invented roller skates.

Willy Wonka: * Not original to this work, the proverb dates from at least the 18th century.

Willy Wonka: [sings] A little nonsense now and thenIs relished by the wisest men.

Willy Wonka: [sings; [imagination] There is no life I know to compare with pure ].Living there, you'll be free, if you truly wish to be.

Willy Wonka: [sings; [paradise] If you want to view ], simply look around and view it.Anything you want to, do it; want to change the world... there's nothing to it.

Dave Lyons: Did she say ship, or shit?

Dave Lyons: We're in a warehouse, and you just hit a cow. I think we better back up.

Dave Lyons: Well excusez-moi, monsieur hot shit!

Dave Lyons: Today, I threatened to shoot a naked woman with my erection. That doesn't happen every day.

Dr. Frankenstein: Love is the only thing that can save this poor creature, and I am going to convince him that he is loved even at the cost of my own life. No matter what you hear in there, no matter how cruelly I beg you, no matter how terribly I may scream, do not open this door or you will undo everything I have worked for. Do you understand? Do not open this door!

Inga: Yes, Doctor.

Igor: [sarcastically] Nice workin with ya.

Dr. Frankenstein: [panicking, turns back to the door; turns to the Monster, then back to the door; sarcastically; begins pounding on the door; outside, Frau Blūcher stops Inga and Igor from trying to open the cell] Let me out. Let me out of here. Get me the hell out of here. What's the matter with you people? I WAS JOKING! Don't you know a joke when you hear one? HA HA HA! Jesus Christ, let me out of here! Open this goddamn door or I'll kick your rotten heads in! MOMMY!!!

Frau Blucher: [blocking the door as Inga and Igor again try to open the cell] Nein!

Dr. Frankenstein: [turns back to the Monster, deciding a different approach...; the Monster looks momentarily wrong-footed; the Monster starts to cry; he hugs him] Hello, handsome! You're a good looking fellow, do you know that? People laugh at you, people hate you, but why do they hate you? Because...they are JEALOUS! Look at that boyish face. Look at that sweet smile. Do you wanna talk about physical strength? Do you want to talk about sheer muscle? Do you want to talk about the Olympian ideal? You are a GOD! And listen to me, you are not evil. You...are...GOOD! This is a nice boy. This is a good boy. This is a mother's angel. And I want the world to know once and for all, and without any shame, that we love him! I'm going to teach you. I'm going to show you how to walk, how to speak, how to move, how to think. Together, you and I are going to make the greatest single contribution to science since the creation of fire!

Inga: [from outside] Dr. Fronkensteen! Are you all right?!

Dr. Frankenstein: MY NAME IS FRANKENSTEIN!!!

Dr. Frankenstein: That music......

Frau Blucher: [[soul] Yes. It's in your blood - it's in the blood of ALL Frankensteins. It reaches the ] when words are useless. Your grandfather used to play it to the creature HE was making.

Dr. Frankenstein: Then it was you all the time.

Frau Blucher: Yes.

Dr. Frankenstein: You played that music in the middle of the night......

Frau Blucher: Yes.

Dr. Frankenstein: to get us to the laboratory.

Frau Blucher: Yes.

Dr. Frankenstein: That was YOUR cigar smouldering in the ashtray.

Frau Blucher: Yes.

Dr. Frankenstein: And it was you... who left my grandfather's book out for me to find.

Frau Blucher: Yes.

Dr. Frankenstein: So I would...

Frau Blucher: Yes.

Dr. Frankenstein: Then you and Victor were...

Frau Blucher: YES. YES. Say it. He was my... BOYFRIEND!

Dr. Frankenstein: Igor, may I speak to you for a moment?

Igor: Of course.

Dr. Frankenstein: Sit down, won't you?

Igor: [sits on the floor] Thank you.

Dr. Frankenstein: No no, up here.

Igor: [sits on a chair] Thank you.

Dr. Frankenstein: [[brain] Now...that ] that you gave me...was it Hans Delbruck's?

Igor: [crosses arms] No.

Dr. Frankenstein: [holds up hand] Ah. Good. Uh...would you mind telling me...whose brain...I did put in?

Igor: And you won't be angry?

Dr. Frankenstein: I will not be angry.

Igor: [shrugs] Abby...someone.

Dr. Frankenstein: Abby someone? Abby who?

Igor: Abby Normal.

Dr. Frankenstein: [sotto] Abby Normal?

Igor: [he and Dr. Frankenstein laugh] I'm almost sure that was the name.

Dr. Frankenstein: [slowly; stands; puts hand on Igor's hump; increasingly angry; grabs Igor by throat; [Gorilla|GORILLA; strangling Igor; [Stupidity|IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE TELLING ME] Are you saying... that I put an abnormal brain... into a 7 and a half foot long...54- inch wide... ]?!?!?! ]?!?!

Igor: You know, I'll never forget my old dad. When these things would happen to him. The things he'd say to me.

Dr. Frankenstein: What did he say?

Igor: What the hell are you doing in the bathroom day and night? Why don't you get out of there and give someone else a chance?

Dr. Frankenstein: [after failing to bring the creature to life] Nothing.

Inga: Oh, Doctor, I'm sorry.

Dr. Frankenstein: [begins walking away but then runs back and starts beating up the creature; furious] No. No. Be of good cheer. If science teaches us anything, it teaches us to accept our failures, as well as our successes, with quiet dignity and grace. SON OF A BITCH! BASTARD! I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS! WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?! WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?!

Inga: Stop it! Stop that! Stop it! You'll kill him!

Dr. Frankenstein: [pounds on the creatures chest in rage before being restrained; whimpers] I DON'T WANT TO LIVE! I DO NOT WANT TO LIVE!

Igor: [to the audience; [Hypocrisy|Quiet dignity and grace; rolls eyes] ].

Dr. Frankenstein: Oh...mama...

Dr. Frankenstein: What a filthy job!

Igor: Could be worse.

Dr. Frankenstein: How?

Igor: Could be raining.

Dr. Frankenstein: [reading his grandfather's work] The minuteness of the parts formed a great hindrance to my speed. I resolved therefore to make the Creature of gigantic stature." Of course, that would simplify everything.

Inga: In other words...his veins, his feet, his hands, his organs vould all have to be increased in size.

Dr. Frankenstein: Precisely.

Inga: [her eyes get wide] He vould have an enormous schwanzschtücker.

Dr. Frankenstein: [ponders this a moment] That goes without saying.

Inga: Woof.

Igor: [to the audience] He's going to be very popular.

Igor: [singing; scatting] I! I ain't got nobody, and nobody cares for me.

Dr. Frankenstein: Igor!

Igor: Froadrick!

Dr. Frankenstein: How did you get here?

Igor: [does a rimshot] Through the dumbwaiter. I heard the strangest music from the upstairs kitchen and I just...followed it down. Call it...a hunch. Ba-dum SHI!

Frau Blücher: Would the doctor care for a...brandy before retiring?

Dr. Frankenstein: No. Thank you.

Frau Blücher: Some varm milk...perhaps?

Dr. Frankenstein: No...thank you very much. No thanks.

Frau Blücher: Ovaltine?

Dr. Frankenstein: NOTHING! Thank you! I'm a little - tired!

Frau Blücher: Then I vill say...goodnight, Herr Doctor.

Dr. Frankenstein: Goodnight, Frau Blücher.

Dr. Frankenstein: What knockers.

Inga: Oh, thank you, doctor.

Inga: Werewolf!

Dr. Frankenstein: Werewolf?

Igor: There.

Dr. Frankenstein: What?

Igor: There, wolf. There, castle.

Dr. Frankenstein: Why are you talking that way?

Igor: I thought you wanted to.

Dr. Frankenstein: No, I don't want to.

Igor: [shrugs] Suit yourself. I'm easy.

Dr. Frankenstein: You know, I don't mean to embarrass you, but I'm a rather brilliant surgeon. Perhaps I can help you with that hump.

Igor: [[Ignorance|What hump] ]?

Igor: Dr. Frankenstein?

Dr. Frankenstein: Fronkensteen.

Igor: You're putting me on.

Dr. Frankenstein: No, it's pronounced "Fronkensteen.

Igor: Do you also say "Froaderick"?

Dr. Frankenstein: No..."Frederick.

Igor: Well, why isn't it "Froaderick Fronkensteen"?

Dr. Frankenstein: It isn't; it's "Frederick Fronkensteen.

Igor: I see.

Dr. Frankenstein: You must be Igor.

Igor: No, it's pronounced "eye-gor.

Dr. Frankenstein: But they told me it was "ee-gor.

Igor: Well, they were wrong then, weren't they?

Student: [Dr. Frankenstein gives him a stern look] Dr. Frank... Fronkensteen.

Dr. Frankenstein: Yes?

Student: [[Charles Darwin|Darwin] Isn't it true that ] preserved a piece of vermicelli in a glass case until, by some extraordinary means, it actually began to move with a voluntary motion?

Dr. Frankenstein: [[worm] Are you speaking of the ] or the spaghetti?

Student: Why the worm, sir.

Dr. Frankenstein: Yes, it does seem I read something about that incident when I was a student. But, you got to remember that a worm, with very few exceptions, is not a human being.

Student: But wasn't that the basis of your grandfather's work? The reanimation of dead tissue?

Dr. Frankenstein: [getting annoyed] My grandfather was a very sick man.

Student: [air quotes; [curious] But as a Fronkensteen, aren't you the least ] about it? Doesn't bringing back to life what was once dead hold any intrigue for you?

Dr. Frankenstein: [getting more annoyed; [Madness|lunatic mind] You are talking about the nonsensical ravings of a ]. Dead is dead!

Student: But look at what has been done with hearts and kidneys!

Dr. Frankenstein: [raising voice] Hearts and kidneys are tinker toys! I'm talking about the central nervous system!

Student: But sir...

Dr. Frankenstein: [shouting; [scientist; [philosopher] I am a ], not a ]! You have more chance of reanimating this scalpel than you have of mending a broken nervous system!

Medical Student: But what about your grandfather's work, sir?

Dr. Frankenstein: [jams the scalpel into his leg, lets go of the scalpel and it sticks upright out of his leg, grasps it again, then slowly crosses his legs to block the scalpel from view] My grandfather's work was doodoo! I am not interested in death! The only thing that concerns me is the preservation of life! Class...is...dismissed.