Rat - Inappropriate Medical Procedures Discussed Humorously
Conchita:
I don't care how low he is doctor, that was no place to stick your thermometer.
The Doctor:
Well obviously he doesn't have a proper tongue - or an armpit, come to that...
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Fish Called Wanda - Questioning Alibi in a Legal Inquiry
Archie:
Ms Gershwitz, do you remember where you were on the evening of the 7th?
Wanda:
Yes, I was at the apartment.
Archie:
And were you alone or was someone else there?
Wanda:
No someone else was there.
Archie:
And who was that?
Wanda:
My brother.
Archie: [stumbling]
Your brother, good and your brother? Are you sure it was your brother?
Judge:
Mr. Leach I'm sure Ms. Gershwitz can recognize her own brother, after all she's had a relationship with him her whole life.
Archie:
Yes, sorry your honour. Well, was anybody else there with you?
Wanda: [adds]
Yes George was there. But he left about five to seven.
Archie: [remembering himself]
Wanda! I wonder, how could you be sure it was five to seven?
Wanda:
Because I looked at the clock. I remember looking at the clock and thinking, where could George be going with that sawn off shotgun?
Archie:
Darling!
Judge:
Mr. Leach, "Darling"?
Archie:
Yes, dear?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Tomorrow Never Dies - GPS Signals and Military Concerns
Admiral Roebuck:
That's preposterous! We know exactly where that ship was positioned! The GPS system–Global Positioning Satellites–do not lie!
M:
Yes, but our Singapore station picked up a mysterious signal - on the GPS frequency at the time of the attack. It could have sent that ship off course.
Roebuck:
I have a missing British frigate-
M:
I'm aware of that!
Roebuck:
And instead of decisive action, all you want to do is-
M:
My goal is to prevent World War III, Admiral, and I don't think sending an armada into the recovery area is the best way to do it.
Defense Minister:
Where exactly did this mysterious GPS signal come from?
M:
We're still investigating.
Roebuck:
Investigating". With all due respect, M, sometimes I don't think you have the balls for this job!
M:
Perhaps. But the advantage is, I don't have to think with them all the time.
Defense Minister:
That's enough. Now where do we stand?
Roebuck:
It was an unprovoked attack held in international waters. We send in the fleet for recovery and prepare for full retaliation!
M:
Moderation. We investigate and stop short of sending the entire British Navy within 10 minutes of the world's largest air force.
Defense Minister:
When will our ships be in position?
Roebuck:
48 hours.
Defense Minister:
Christ. The press are already screaming for blood; the last thing we want to do is escalate the situation.
James Bond: [arrives with a copy of the'' Tomorrow ''newspaper]
I'm afraid it may be too late to worry about that.
Defense Minister: [reads the paper]
Seventeen British sailors murdered"?! "According to Vietnamese officials who recovered the bodies, the victims were riddled with the same ammunition used by the Chinese Air Force.
M:
Did you leak this?
Roebuck:
No! This is the first I've heard of it.
Defense Minister:
Well, this settles it: We send in the fleet. M, you have 48 hours to investigate.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.