Private Parts - The Complexity of Being Misunderstood
Howard Stern:
So occasionally I make a fool of myself in public, and the FCC wants me off the air, and every fundamentalist group in this country hates my guts, and, yeah, most of the things I do are misunderstood. Hey, after all, being misunderstood is the fate of all true geniuses, is it not? But my life isn't bad at all. I'm still on the air, I've got my kids, and I've got Alison. Alison... She's the best friend I could ever have. And who knows? With a little time, the right energy...I think I could talk her into some hot lesbo action.
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Private Parts - Love and Respect in Relationships
Howard Stern:
You know, I could get this girl. I know I could get her. And this is the hell that's my life. I mean, think about it. What would it be like to have sex with her? It would be amazing. But I'm not going to act on it. You know why? Because I'd be a schmuck. No, because I love Alison. She stuck with me through the whole thing, you know? You gotta respect that. I think you have to respect that. You have to respect that.
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Private Parts - A Desperate Prayer for Revenge
Howard Stern:
I want to pray to God right now. Jesus Christ, who I love so much, more than anything in the whole world, I am begging you, please...send a hit man to the United States of America to kill Pig Vomit finally. Thank you. I love you, God. I'll do whatever you say if you just make that come true.
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Private Parts - Describing a Program Director's Unflattering Nickname
Howard Stern:
I was in the program director's office. His name is Pig Vomit. Yes, because he looks like a pig, and he makes you want to vomit. He's Pig Vomit.
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Private Parts - Dream Job Opportunity in New York Radio
Howard Stern: [to Alison]
It's unbelievable. I got a job offer today from WNBC in New York. Afternoon drive, the most powerful radio station in their chain, $150,000 a year. And they said if I do really well, they're gonna syndicate my program all over the country. This is it. This is everything I want. It's like...It's the dream, the Big Apple.
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Private Parts - New Law Announced by Officer Howie
Howard Stern:
I am Officer Howie, and there's a new law in town. We're taking it over.
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Private Parts - Howard Stern's Role in the Lesbian Community
Howard Stern:
I am the hero of the lesbian community, am I not, Robin?
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Private Parts - Lesbians and Ratings: A Surprising Discovery
Howard Stern:
It was then that I made a startling discovery...Lesbians equal ratings.
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Private Parts - A Humorous Take on Personal Disconnect
Howard Stern: [while playing country music]
Howdy, cowpokes. Uh, I know I shouldn't be interrupting in the middle of a song, but I got to tell you something. I know a lot of you out there really love this music, but I just don't get it. Explain it to me. And maybe it's cause I went to college, and I never drove a truck and had sex with my daddy's sister, but...I guess what I'm trying to say is, I...I don't think I'm the man for this job. So this is your old pal Hopalong Howie saying I quit. I... I think I quit.
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Private Parts - Howard Stern Introduces Unique Traffic Report Segment
Howard Stern: [Helicopter sound effect; In Mama's voice; in his normal voice; in Mama's voice]
My name is Howard Stern, and welcome to the new morning show. And we have a new feature for you. This is, uh, something special. We have a traffic copter now here at WWWW. Let's go up to Mama Look-a boo boo day in the traffic copter. Mama, you there? Hello? Mama? Uh. Hello? Yes, hello. This is Mama Look-a boo boo day, the only black traffic reporter in the Detroit area, I'm proud to say. Pleasure to make your acquaintance this morning, Mama. Tell me, uh, what's going on in the traffic? First, a political statement, if I may. Kill, Kill, Kill... The White Man, by Eugene Mama Look-a boo boo day. Eugene is my pen name cause I wrote this while I was in the pen. OK, here we go. Kill, kill, kill the white man. Kill him until he is dead. Kill the white man. Thank you.
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