Memorable Quotes from Jason Alexander
17 quotesHumans Discover Unpleasant Aspects of Being Human
Wanda
Oh my gosh, we're humans! And look! I've got legs... that need to be shaved. Ewwww.
Cosmo
Woo, and I've got underarm hair! I'm definitely not shaving that.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Timmy's Birthday and Mysterious Illness
Wanda
Timmy, what's the matter, sad that your birthday's over?
Timmy
I think I need to go to the doctor. My stomach's all in knots, and my heart is racing.
Cosmo
Dr. Cosmo in the hizzouse! Ahh, no fever. Time for a full exam!
[turns into a doctor; putting on a glove]
Wanda
You've been acting sick since you saw Tootie in the park yesterday.
Timmy
Sick? No, I just have a cold or something. Still, she's so brave, so sure of herself.
Wanda
Oh, no! You're falling in love with Tootie! That means you're growing up and you'll lose us forever!
[looks at the Love Meter]
Timmy
Uh-oh!
Cosmo
It also means I don't get to use the glove, doesn't it?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Ambitious Waiters on Their Acting Journey
Timmy
What are you guys doing? And what have you done to yourselves?
Cosmo
We're waiters! Course, it's just a stepping stone on our path to becoming actors. STELLA!!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Sweet Birthday Surprise for Timmy
Wanda
He's so cute when he sleeps!
Cosmo
Our little angel!
Wanda
Shh, don't wake him up!
Both
Happy birthday, Timmy!
Timmy
Wanda, Cosmo? What are you guys, crazy?
Wanda
You're a grown man still wearing horsey pajamas and you're asking us if we're crazy?
Cosmo
Crazy with excitement!
Cosmo & Wanda
Happy 23rd Birthday, Timmy Turner!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Dreams and Money in Hollywood's Spotlight
Philip Stuckey
He mortgaged everything he owns, right down to his underwear, to secure a loan from the bank.
[about Morse]
Magician at party
No matter what they say, it's all about money. So let's imagine, ladies, that you're a savings and loan officer. Watch - one, two, three; see, you've got it all, and we've got nothing. You've got all four, take a look.
Happy Man
Welcome to Hollywood! What's your dream? Everybody comes here; this is Hollywood, land of dreams. Some dreams come true, some don't; but keep on dreamin - this is Hollywood. Always time to dream, so keep on dreamin'.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Timmy's Loyalty to His Fairy Godparents
Cosmo
We're so proud of you, Timmy!
Wanda
We'll always be together.
Timmy
You got that right! There's nothing in this world that I'd ever give you guys up for.
Cosmo
Timmy, are you okay?!
Timmy
Yeah.
Cosmo
Good, then can we do it again? It was fun!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Fearless Leader's Frustration with Moose and Squirrel
Fearless Leader
Silence! It's a message from the mole at the White House!
[a message from the White House has arrived]
Boris Badenov and Natasha Fatale
Moose and Squirrel!
Fearless Leader
Moose and Squirrel. How many times in the past have they stood between me and my dreams of glory? How many times have they foiled my plans with their bungling interference?!
[tearing the message and throws it on the floor]
Boris
Uh, 28?
Fearless Leader
Quiet, idiot! They must never reach New York alive. I want you to destroy them personally.
Boris
After 30 years of waiting, one more chance to crush Moose and Squirrel!
[kisses Fearless Leader's hand]
Natasha
Oh, Fearless Leader, you are so good to us!
[kisses Fearless Leader's other hand]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Whimsical Suggestions for Fun Activities
Cosmo
Hey, Timmy. Let's do something really, really fun!
Poof
Pooh-pooh-poof!
Wanda
Yeah! Super fun!
Cosmo
Like shave Crocker, turn your dad into a woman... ...Turn Wanda into a woman. I mean, you're the wind beneath my wings!
[Wanda and Poof look at him oddly; Wanda glares at him]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Misunderstanding About Feeding Pets
Cosmo
Don't forget to feed the dog!
[as he, Wanda, and Poof fade away]
Wanda
Cosmo, he doesn't have a dog!
Cosmo
Well, if you get one, don't forget to feed it!
Timmy
I'm gonna miss you guys forever!
Cosmo and Wanda
Goodbye, Timmy!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Reconnecting After Years Apart
Timmy
Tootie? Wow, I-I-I-I gotta tell ya, that was incredible!
Tootie
Timmy Turner. Look at you! You haven't changed a bit. Not even a little.
[giggles]
Timmy
Where have you been?
Tootie
Oh, you know, just traveling the world, making a difference, and trying to help helpless creatures. What have you been up to?
Timmy
Oh, uh… I'm still in school.
Tootie
Wow, an educated man, and look at this. You show up, and all these amazing things happen. It's like magic!
Timmy
M-magic? No, no no. Me? No magic. No, not here. You kidding? Come on, no, no, no, no.
[Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof whistle innocently]
Tootie
Well, it's great to see you.
Timmy
Daah! Aah. Aah.
Tootie
What's the matter?
Timmy
Uh, uh, sunburn on my back. No hugs till it heals, doctor said. Gotta go!
[leaves]
Cosmo
He is so smooth.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Friends Unite to Rescue Tootie
Howie
Check it out!
Katie
They got Tootie!
Ravi
And I got tooty-fruity with hot fudge. I mean, we have to help her!
Howie
Let's get Timmy.
[kids run]
Tootie
You?
Magnate
Ironic, isn't it? Someone who cares so much about helping this little creature got betrayed by a helplessing creature.
[Magnate and bunny makes an evil laugh]
Wanda
Magnate's got Tootie! Hooray!
Cosmo
Yay!
[Poof stares at them angrily]
Wanda
Well, I mean it's good that she gets to ride in a limo, right?
Cosmo
Yah. This means that we can always be with Timmy and things never have to change, right?
[Poof stares at them more angry than before]
Wanda
Poof's intense stare of guilt is right, Cosmo. Here we are wanting Poof to grow up and we're keeping Timmy from doing the same thing.
Cosmo
You're right, Wanda. We have to do what's best for Timmy!
[Poof grins]
Wanda
Aww. I'm proud of us, Cosmo. And thanks for staring such sense into us, Poof. Let's tell Timmy and save Tootie!
[Poof glides to Cosmo and Wanda]
Crocker
Don't worry, little FAIRIES!
[He sucks Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof into a device]
Cosmo, Wanda and Poof
AHHHHH!
Crocker
Thanks to my Atomic Fairy Incarcerator, I'll show Timmy Turner that I now have possession of his FAIRY... GODPARENTS!
[spazzes]
Howie
Timmy, are you ok?
Timmy
What is it?
Howie
Tootie got kidnapped by a bunny in Magnate's limo.
Ravi
And there is no change. The ice cream came to exactly $20.
Timmy
Tootie's in trouble? Well, then I guess I wish she was right here back next to me. I wish she was right back here next to me. (What's going on?)
[kids stare at each other confused]
Katie
I think something's wrong with Timmy's brain.
Timmy
Mangnate just doesn't have Tootie. He's got...
[looks at backpack; the buttons CW&P were on read "HELP US, TIMMY!"; runs off]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Skepticism About Timmy and Tootie's Relationship
Wanda
Isn't this great, Cosmo? After all these years, Timmy and Tootie finally ended up together!
Cosmo
I give them 2 weeks tops!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Urgent Need to Protect Family Dynamics
Wanda
Cosmo, we got to stop Tootie before she breaks up our family!
Cosmo
For once, I agree with your shrill, commanding, and authoritative voice! I mean, I love you!
[Wanda glares at him]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Humorous Introduction by Cosmo in Movie Scene
Cosmo
Good evening, everyone. We're your perfectly normal not-magic-fairy human waiters with unbelievably super-hairy legs and underarms!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Timmy's Staring Causes a Comedic Reaction
Wanda
Timmy's staring at that girl!
Cosmo
I'll give him a slushee! See? It worked! Oh wait, he's still staring.
[makes a slushee appear in Timmy's hand; Timmy starts sipping the slushee and continues staring at Tootie]
Tootie
There's nothing wrong with the old Dimmsdale! And there's nothing wrong with the Dimmsdale Dogwood...
Timmy
Nice move!
Tootie
...The tree I grew up with and climbed in this very park!
[as she chains herself to the tree]
Magnate
Listen, Sister Suzie Saffron Wheat-Grassgulper, whatever your tree-hugging name is. You don't wanna mess around with Hugh J. Magnate Jr. So why don't you just toddle off to your yurt or wherever home is.
Tootie
This is home. I was raised right here in Dimmsdale! And the name's not "Saffron Sippin Wheat-Grass Gurglin'" anything, it's Tootie!
Timmy, Cosmo, and Wanda
Tootie!?
Cosmo
Here it comes again!
Magnate
I suggest you move your conifer-kissing keister, missy.
Tootie
Not gonna happen. Not if you're gonna knock down this tree.
Magnate
Well, have it your way. Boys! Tear down this tree.
Timmy
She is awesome!
Cosmo and Wanda
Awesome?!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Timmy's Last Birthday Celebration with Fairies
Timmy
Yep, my birthdays just keep getting better every year, thanks to you guys!
Wanda
Don't we always have the best time?
Cosmo
I can't tell time!
Jorgen
Timmy Turner, this is the last birthday party you and your fairies will ever have together! By the way, happy birthday.
[suddenly enters the room in a flash of lightning and a puff of smoke; gives Timmy a present]
Timmy
Da Rules?
[opening his present]
Jorgen
Yes! And look at this, right here! Page 14-38, paragraph 3, subsection D!
Timmy
A godchild loses his fairies when he grows up..." Not me.
[reading]
Cosmo and Wanda
Yay!
Timmy
...He leaves home..." Not me.
Cosmo and Wanda
Yeah!
Timmy
...Or experiences life's true magic - love.
[Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof gasp]
Jorgen
Well…?
Timmy
Again, not me. The only girl I've ever kissed was Tootie, it was 13 years ago. It was forced upon me, and I did not enjoy it.
Cosmo
Look out!
Timmy
Anyway, she moved away and no one ever saw her again. So, love… not even an issue.
Wanda
True! According to Timmy's Love Meter, he's not in love!
Jorgen
This is not a game! The longer you keep Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof, the more you put them in danger of being exposed or captured!
Timmy
Like I said, not an issue! Relax! Have some cake.
Jorgen
Keep your cake for the inevitable fairy-go-bye-bye party. I will find a way. I will make you grow up! I am Jorgen, the most powerful fairy ever!
[disappears]
Cosmo
Can I have some cake?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Timmy's Moment of Growth and Love
Magnate
Any last words before I blast you out of existence?
Timmy
Uh, yes. I should have done this a long time ago. It's time for me to grow up!
Poof
Huh?
Timmy
I love you, guys.
Cosmo and Wanda
We love you too.
Magnate
I think I just threw up a little in my mouth. Time's up!
[pushes his wish button and prepares to blast them]
Cosmo, Wanda and Poof
Aaaaaaah!
[getting shocked]
Timmy
I love you, Tootie!
[embraces Tootie]
Poof
Huh?
Cosmo
What's happening?
[as he, Wanda, and Poof begin to fade away]
Wanda
Cosmo, he's saving us!
[looks at the Love Meter, which now displays "In Love" and is rapidly beeping]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.