The Dictator - Focus on a Subtle Performance
Nadal:
Are you okay?
General Aladeen:
My guy has a limp. I fell off me horse at the old Bull & Bush Pub because I'm a cockney.
Nadal:
Listen, listen, okay? You need to focus up right now and be prepared to deliver a small, subtle performance.
General Aladeen:
Okay, great, okay.
Nadal:
Okay, good.
General Aladeen: [Pulling eyelids backwards]
Okay, so when we go to fly...
Nadal: [Slaps Aladeen's hands off]
Don't do that with your eyes! You can't be a Chinese person on this thing, okay?
General Aladeen:
I'm not Chink, I'm Chinese-American!
Nadal:
No, but you cannot hold your eyes! Nobody is going to think you're Chinese-American because you hold your eyes like that! It's racist, what you're doing!
General Aladeen:
Do you know it's a fact that they cannot pronounce their R's? They pronounce them as L's. So instead you know what rabbit is in Chinese?
Nadal:
I don't know how to speak Chinese.
General Aladeen:
It's labbit'.
Nadal:
It's not labbit'!
General Aladeen:
Yes! Who Shot Loger Labbit was a huge hit in China!
Nadal:
Nobody... It's stup... All right, I don't care! This is stupid, okay?
General Aladeen:
Okay, I'll do Filipino. I like to work, I like to talk.
General Aladeen:
I like the shit, I do the kids.
Nadal: [Pulling Aladeen's hands off]
Stop that! Your Filipino is the same as your Chinese!
General Aladeen:
Now who's being a lacist? You're being lacist now!
Nadal:
I'm not being racist! Right now, we have to get on this helicopter and we have to act like true Americans.
General Aladeen:
I guess you don't want me to play black, then.
Nadal:
Of course, I don't want you to play black.
General Aladeen:
Okay, just throwing it out there.
Nadal:
Okay. Don't.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Dictator - Misunderstanding About Self Juicing Revealed
General Aladeen:
I've discovered this amazing thing. I have to show you how to do it. It's called self juicing, You put your hand on your bilbul and you rub it, and then you can make your own labeneh come out. You don't have to spend any Rolexes. You don't have to give any dirty diamonds.
Nadal:
I cannot believe I'm having this conversation with an adult man.
General Aladeen:
What do you mean? You knew about this?
Nadal:
Everybody knows about this. We all know about this from the age of 12, 13.
General Aladeen:
Why does nobody ever tell me anything?
Nadal:
Because you have everybody executed who tells you anything.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Dictator - Aladeen's American Pride and Palace Gossip
General Aladeen: [[w:American Civil War|American Civil Jihad; Speaking different language]
I love being an Americans! America is number one! Oh, I am from U.S.A.! My father also from U.S.A. My great-grandfather fought in the ]. I am very proud to be an American, I am America's number one douche. I've fooled them. Job done.
Nadal:
So, how are things back at the Palace?
General Aladeen:
Fine, but guess who's still living in my guest house?
Nadal:
Ooh, Bin Laden?
General Aladeen: [[w:Osama bin Laden|Osama; Both laugh]
Yes, ]. Bin Laden flooding the bathroom every time he showers... And how hard is it to put a bath mat down, Bin Laden? Hey, do you remember my favorite sports car?
Nadal:
You mean your Porsche?
General Aladeen: [[w:Porsche 911|911]
Yes... the ].
Nadal:
Oh, Nine Eleven, it's the best.
General Aladeen: [Imitating crashing effect; Both laugh]
So I was driving my 911 near the palace one day... and I totally crashed! It's ok, I've already ordered a new one. A brand new 911 2012.
Nadal:
You know, while you are here, you should try to see some of the sights... such as the Empire State Building... and Yankee Stadium.
General Aladeen: [Imitating explosions; both laugh]
And I'd love to see the fireworks over the Statue of Liberty.
Nadal:
Hey, have your old back problems been bothering you?
General Aladeen:
Oh, it's been terrible! It got so bad that I made myself a back brace.
Nadal:
Really?
General Aladeen: [He reveals to wear something resembling an [[w:Explosive vest|explosive vest]
Yes, look, I'm still wearing it. ]) Hey, my English is getting good... ...I bet I can count down from five faster than you can!
Aladeen and Nadal:
Five, four, three, two, one!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Dictator - Misguided Ideas on Missile Design and Function
General Aladeen:
It is too round on the top. It needs to be pointy. Round is not scary. Pointy is scary. This will put a smile on the faces of the enemy. They will think that it is a huge robot dildo flying toward them.
Nadal:
No, Supreme Leader. The shape of the missile top has nothing to do with aerodynamics. It is about the payload delivery.
General Aladeen:
No. It sticks in the ground, and then kaboom.
Nadal:
Supreme Leader, I think perhaps some of your information about bombs is coming from cartoons.
General Aladeen:
Nonsense. They were research films.
Nadal:
In this film, just one question, was there a duck who, when the explosion is happens, his bill goes around to the back of his head, and then in order to talk, he has to put it back this way?
General Aladeen:
There was somebody who suffered a deformity like that.
Nadal:
I am now 100% sure that you are watching cartoons.
General Aladeen:
Indulge me. For one second, pretend that I'm an idiot.
Nadal:
Okay, I'm there.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.