Uncle Buck - An Apology and a Dentist's Advice
Bug:
You shithead! I could've suffocated in here!
Buck:
You know what I'd like you to do. You could be doing both of us a favor. I'd like you to apologize to this lady, please.
Bug:
I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! OK, ASSHOLE! I'M SORRY!
Buck: [Nowhere near satisfied with Bug's screaming apology]
You may not know this, but I'm an amateur dentist.
Tia:
Oh yes, he is.
Bug: [Being serious]
I'm sorry.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Uncle Buck - Unexpected Visit and Ice Cream Invitation
Buck:
Well, well, well, they certainly are scraping the bottom of the barrel for cheerleaders these days.
Tia:
What are you doing here?
Buck:
We were just driving by to get some ice cream. Thought you might like to join us.
Tia:
I said I would be home at 10. It's not even 9!
Buck:
Who said anything about that? I thought you might like to join us for some ice cream. Maybe your Bug here can join us. We can talk about burying the hatchet. You know what a hatchet is, don't you, Bug?
Bug:
It's an ax?
Buck:
Sort of, yeah, yeah. I got one in my car if you'd like to see it.
Bug:
I'll pass.
Buck:
Fair enough. I like to carry it, you never know when you're going to need it. A situation may come up, say, for example, someone has been drinking, and about to drive a loved one home, then I'd like to know I have it. Not to kill, no. Just to maim. Take a little off the shoulder. Swish! The elbow. Slash! Shave a little meat off the old kneecap. Fowap! Ooooo! You got both kneecaps? I like to keep mine razor sharp. Sharp enough you can shave with it. Why, I've been known to circumcise a gnat. You're not a gnat, are you, Bug? Wait a minute, bug, gnat. Is there a little similarity? Whoaaa, I think there is! Ha ha ha. You understand what I'm talking about? I don't think you do. I'll be right back. Heh heh heh heh.
Tia:
I'm sorry.
Bug:
Look, I think you'd better split. I don't exactly want him to go berserk with an ax on me.
Tia:
He's all talk.
Buck:
Here it is! Come over, come on, I want to show it to you. Maybe later. Okay.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Uncle Buck - A Humorous Exchange About Boundaries
Bug:
Ever hear of a tune-up? Hee hee hee hee hee.
Buck: [Mockingly]
Ah-hee-hee-hee! Ever hear of a ritual killing? Ah-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee!
Bug:
I don't get it.
Buck:
You gnaw on her face in public like that again and you'll be one. Ah-hee-hee-hee-hee.
Tia:
Are you crazy?
Buck:
I can be.
Tia:
You could have taken his head off!
Buck:
Yeah, but would he notice?
Tia:
Can we get something straight?
Buck:
The guy's a predator and you're his prey.
Tia:
Really?
Buck:
You bet.
Tia:
And how would you know?
Buck:
When I was his age, I was a guy zooming girls like you. Pretty face, good chip on your shoulder.
Tia:
I recommend you stay out of my personal life!
Buck:
Do your parents stay out of your personal life?
Tia:
They don't know my personal life.
Buck:
Have they met twiddle-dink?
Tia:
His name is Bug.
Buck: [chuckles]
First or last?
Tia:
First!
Buck:
What's his last name, Spray?
Tia:
You should talk, "Buck.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.