Stay Tuned - Kidnapping Announcement and Husband's Inaction
Spike: [on HV One News]
This just in... Helen Knable has been kidnapped and taken to Channel 1. We take you there live.
Helen: [tied up to the dynamite wagon]
Roy, I don't know where you are, but get your butt back here!
Spike:
Unfortunately, her gutless failure of a husband won't lift a finger to save her. Isn't that right, Roy?
Roy:
No!!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Stay Tuned - Courtroom Confrontation Over a Soul's Fate
Executioner: [announcing the execution]
By order of the court...
Crowley:
Looks like Spike's gonna make his quota after all. I'm sorry, Mrs. Knable.
Executioner:
I deliver the soul of the Marquis de Knable to its rightful owner!
Spike: [back at HQ]
Finally, he's mine!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Stay Tuned - Synchronized Remotes and Shared Adventures
Spike: [on the Star Trek-like show]
Greetings, Captain Roy. Our remotes are synchronized. So wherever you go, I go. Enjoy the attack.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Stay Tuned - Consequences of Failure in a High-Stakes Situation
Spike: [about TV hell]
Screw up in here, and you're dead meat.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Crucible - Land Dispute Among Neighbors
Thomas Putnam:
I warned you once before, Proctor! That's my lumber! You're in my bounds!
John Proctor:
My land's always run up through the forest, and I haven't sold any, Putnam.
Thomas Putnam:
It is clear in my grandfather's will. My land...
Giles Corey:
Your grandfather damn near willed away my north pasture! But he knew I'd break his arm if he tried it. Go on!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Dr. Dolittle 2 - Conflict Between Conservation and Industry Interests
Reporter:
And in what must be one of the most unusual stories of the year, Dr. John Dolittle is trying to rewrite the laws of nature by attempting to reintroduce a performing bear into the wild. In doing so, he hopes to save an entire forest from destruction. It's Darwin versus Dolittle.
Jack Riley:
Oh, get over yourself.
Joe Potter:
Governor, I've got two lumber mills waiting for that wood.
Governor:
I understand, Joe, but it's complicated. Especially if that endangered bear survives.
Joe Potter:
I don't meet my quota, Governor, you're the one who's gonna be endangered.
Jack Riley:
Now, now, J.P., not to worry.
Governor:
That ridiculous bear is bound to screw up at least once.
Jack Riley:
And when he does, you'll have yourself a new trophy.
Joe Potter:
And I've got just the place to put him.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Ed Wood - Introduction of Ed Wood's Identity
Criswell:
And who may you be?
Ed Wood:
Edward D. Wood, Junior.
Criswell:
Ah — the director of Glen or Glenda.
Ed:
How'd you know?
Criswell:
I am Criswell. I know all.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Ed Wood - The Shocking Story of Edward D. Wood, Junior
Criswell: [from opening monologue]
Can your heart stand the true facts of the shocking story... of Edward D. Wood, Junior?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Beetlejuice - Different Perspectives on a Haunted House
Charles: [kisses her and forces her out his study room]
Pumpkin, sweetheart... Go help your mother.
Lydia: [leaves the room]
Maybe you can relax in a haunted house, but I can't.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Beetlejuice - Family Dinner Conversation in a New Home
Delia:
I can't believe we're eating Cantonese. Is there no Szechuan up here?
Lydia:
I plan to have a stroke from the amount of MSG that's in this food.
Delia:
This is our first meal in this house, so why don't we all do our little private parts to make it a pleasant one?
Charles:
Don't bait your mother, Pumpkin. As soon as we get settled, we'll build you a darkroom in the basement.
Lydia:
My whole life is a darkroom. One. Big. Dark. Room.
Delia: [[New York City]
So you were miserable in ], and now you're going to be miserable out here in the sticks. At least someone's life hasn't been upheaved.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Stuart Little - The Significance of Schmelling in Conversation
Eleanor:
Oh, Stuart, look!
Frederick:
Look at that! This is a real Schmelling.
Stuart:
Those are the best kind.
Uncle Crenshaw:
You know what they say: "If it ain't Schmelling"...
Littles:
It ain't bowling".
Uncle Stretch:
Look here, Stuart. Climb on up here, son. Plant your caboose right up here.
Aunt Beatrice:
He may have to grow into it.
Aunt Tina:
I think he's grown a little since we've been here.
Grandma Estelle:
That's what happened to me. One summer, I just shot right up.
Stuart:
May I say something? In the orphanage, we used to tell fairy tales of finding our families and having a party like this. A party with cakes and presents and all varieties of meat loaf. A party with a big family who came from far away just to wish us well. I don't know much about families, but this must be the nicest family in the world. So I just wanted to thank each of you. Because now I know, fairy tales are real.
Snowbell:
Fairy tales are real? Oy, I think I'm gonna cough up a furball.
Uncle Crenshaw:
And now, it's time for the best present of all. It's something for you and George.
Frederick:
George. Stand next to Stuart.
Uncle Crenshaw: [He gives an old brown baseball to George.]
This is something that gave your father and me hours of enjoyment when we were young brothers just like you and Stuart. This ball belonged to your great-great-grandfather, Jedediah Little. Remember, Frederick, those long summer days playing catch?
Frederick:
Yeah.
Cousin Edgar:
George, why don't you take your brother outside and toss around the old horsehide?
Uncle Crenshaw:
Yeah, what do you say, George? You ready?
George: [thinking that everyone lost his mind]
Are you all nuts? Bicycles and bowling balls? How's he gonna toss a baseball? How's he gonna do any of those things? He's not my brother, he's a mouse.
Uncle Stretch:
Time to go.
Aunt Beatrice:
Excellent idea.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Stuart Little - Family Greetings and Introductions at the Gathering
Eleanor: [chuckles]
Oh, hello!
Aunt Tina:
Hello, we're here.
Eleanor:
Oh, Crenshaw!
Aunt Beatrice:
Hi, auntie.
Frederick:
Crenshaw!
Uncle Crenshaw:
Frederick!
Frederick:
Little high, Little low!
Littles:
Little hey, Little ho!
Aunt Beatrice:
We come bearing gifts for young Stuart.
Cousin Edgar:
Yes, where is my new nephew?
Uncle Crenshaw:
The Little family's getting bigger and bigger.
Stuart:
Boy. That's a lot of Littles.
George:
Uncle Crenshaw!
Uncle Crenshaw:
There's my favorite little nephew.
Uncle Stretch:
Oh, you can't say that anymore, Crenshaw.
Aunt Tina:
That's right. Now we have two favorite little nephews.
Cousin Edgar:
That's right. Where is the lad?
Uncle Stretch:
He has a lot of gifts to open.
George:
Are any of those for me?
Frederick:
Attention, everybody. We'd like to introduce you to someone.
Eleanor:
This is Stuart.
Stuart:
Hello, everyone.
Uncle Stretch:
He's a, a...
Aunt Beatrice:
...dorable!
Aunt Tina:
Adorable!
Uncle Stretch:
Yeah, that's right. I couldn't think of the word.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Sleepy Hollow - Mysterious Murders and Missing Heads
Crane:
So... three persons murdered. First, Peter Van Garrett and his son, Dirk Van Garrett. Both of them strong, capable men, found together... decapitated. One week later, the widow Winship. Also decapitated. Now, I will need to ask you many questions. But first, let me ask: Is anyone suspected?
Van Tassell:
How much have your superiors explained to you, constable?
Crane:
Only that the three were slain in open ground. Their heads found severed from their bodies.
Reverend Steenwyck:
Their heads were not found severed. Their heads were not found at all.
Crane:
The heads are... Gone?
Notary Hardenbrook:
Taken. Taken by the Headless Horseman. Taken back to hell.
Crane: [confused]
Pardon, I...I don't...
Van Tassell: [Crane does so]
Perhaps you had best sit down? The Horseman was a Hessian mercenary, sent to these shores by German princes to keep Americans under the yoke of England. But unlike his compatriots, who came for money, the Horseman came for love of carnage. When battle was joined, there you'd find him; he rode a giant black steed named Daredevil, and was infamous for riding his horse hard into battle, chopping off heads at full gallop. He'd filed his teeth down to sharp points, to add to the ferocity of his appearance. This butcher didn't finally meet his end until the winter of 79, not far from here in our western woods. They chopped off his head with his own sword; even today the western woods is a haunted place, where brave men will not venture...for what was planted in the ground that day was a seed of evil. And so it's been for 20 years...but now the Hessian wakes. He's on the rampage, cutting off heads where he finds them.
Crane:
Are you saying...? Is that what you believe?
Notary Hardenbrook:
Seeing is believing.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.