Memorable Quotes from Jim Broadbent
29 quotesThe Show Must Go On
Harold Zidler
The show must go on.
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Dismissal of Inspector Fix's Incompetence
Lord Kelvin
Dang that nincompoop, Fix. What's the point in hiring a corrupt police officer if he can't even abuse the law properly?! Kitchener!
Colonel Kitchener
Sire?
Lord Kelvin
Tell Inspector Fix to pack his bags, he's going on a little trip.
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Love is a Luxury We Can't Afford
Harold Zidler
We're creatures of the underworld. We can't afford to love.
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Bank of England Robbed, Tensions Rise
Colonel Kitchener
Sir, I have an urgent announcement for you. Here.
Lord Kelvin
Well, don't just stand there, man, read it.
Kitchener
It is...with great...distress...that Scotland Yard announces...that the Bank of England...has been robbed.
[opens a sheet of paper and reads from it]
Lord Kelvin
MY STOLEN JADE BUDDHA, STOLEN! YOU BLIGHTER! YOU GAVE ME EVERY ASSURANCE THAT THE BANK OF ENGLAND WAS IMPENETRABLE!
Kitchener
Sir, sir, I said "impregnable"–
Lord Kelvin
IT'S THE SAME THING, YOU IDIOT!
Kitchener
PLEASE, NOT THE QUILLS!
Lord Kelvin
LORD SALISBURY! Please contact General Fang and inform her: "No Buddha, no deal.
[starts attacking Kitchener with quills]
General Fang
To forego your obligation would be dishonourable, Lord Kelvin.
[appearing in the door]
Lord Salisbury
A woman? In the Royal Academy?
[surprised]
General Fang
The Jade Buddha was successfully delivered by us to the Bank of England. What happens while it's in British hands-
Lord Kelvin
Is absolutely YOUR CONCERN! Colonel Kitchener, Chief of Scotland Yard, please inform General Fang what other items were stolen from the Bank of England.
Kitchener
Nothing else.
Lord Kelvin
Exactly. Seems your little land dispute has spilled over onto our noble shore. Until the Jade Buddha's back in my possession, you and your cause will receive no British military assistance whatsoever. Kitchener?
[walks up to Fang]
General Fang
My agents will retrieve the Jade Buddha once again, Lord Kelvin. This time, do not let it slip through your fingers.
[as she walks away]
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Professor Slughorn's Demands for a New Office
Horace Slughorn
All right, I'll do it! But I want Professor Merrythought's old office, not the water closet I had before. And I expect a raise, these are mad times we live in. Mad!!
[in regard to returning to Hogwarts]
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Skepticism of Future Innovations and Discoveries
Lord Kelvin
We live in a golden age, Fogg. Everything worth discovering has been discovered. Yet ridiculous dreamers like you insist on a past filled with "dinosaurs" and "evolution", and on a future filled with "motorized vehicles", "radio waves" and "flying machines".
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Secrets of the Human Heart
Fergus
So who's he?
Col
He's what she should run a mile away from.
Fergus
Then why doesn't she?
Col
Who knows the secrets of the human heart?
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Debate on Progress and Scientific Discovery
Phileas Fogg
Gentlemen, today I have proven that man can break the 50 mph speed barrier without disrupting his internal organs.
Lord Kelvin
Where is your Royal Academy of Science authorization?! Oh, what am I thinking? What a fool. That would mean that you are a real scientist!
Phileas Fogg
By your definition, Kelvin, a real scientist's objective would be to prevent man from progress.
Lord Kelvin
We live in a golden age, Fogg. Everything worth discovering has been discovered. Yet ridiculous dreamers like you insist on a past filled with "dinosaurs" and "evolution" and on a future filled with "motorized vehicles", "radio waves" and "flying machines".
Colonel Kitchener
Confound it! The bloody Bank of England is a madhouse!
[marches into the room]
Scientist #1
Rumour has it that it was a foreigner, an Asian chap.
[whispers in Passepartout's ear]
Scientist #2
Yes, I heard it was a Chinese fellow and he acted alone.
Lord Rhodes
Uh, no, actually, they say he was Norwegian.
Scientist #3
In fact, it was a gang of elderly Norwegians.
Scientist #4
Yes, I heard from a very reliable source that it was a gang of red-headed elderly Norwegians with very tiny feet.
Phileas Fogg
Well, if you ask me, it's about time someone robbed that bank. Like this very institution, the Bank of England is outdated!
[everyone gasps in anger]
Lord Kelvin
As usual, Fogg, your contempt for tradition is appalling.
Phileas Fogg
You rest on your "traditions" if you prefer, but as with this bank robber, progress waits for no-one.
Lord Kelvin
Oh. So now you're an expert on the bank thief as well? Give us the benefit of your "ineffable wisdom", Fogg.
Phileas Fogg
Twenty-six minutes ago, a ship left Dover for Paris. From there, the thief takes the Orient Express, where he transfers to a steamer from Istanbul to India. In little over a month, that man could be in China.
[gets out his pocket watch]
Lord Salisbury
If we're to believe Fogg's "calculations", he will have circled the globe and returned to England in a fortnight!
Phileas Fogg
Actually, by my calculations, it would be closer to...exactly 80 days.
Lord Kelvin
Outstanding idea. Well then, Fogg. Let's see you circumnavigate the world in 80 days.
[Passepartout smiles]
Phileas Fogg
I...That would be a fruitless use of my time. I'm on the verge of...numerous, countless...scientific breakthroughs.
[turns to go]
Lord Kelvin
You coward! Admit it, it cannot be done.
Phileas Fogg
It CAN! I can do it.
[stops and wheels round]
Lord Kelvin
A wager. £10,000!
Phileas Fogg
Unlike you and your colleagues, money does not inspire me.
Lord Kelvin
I believe every man has his price. Even you, oh noble Phileas Fogg. There must be something I could offer that would be worthy of your time.
Phileas Fogg
There is. Your position as head of the Royal Academy. With the Queen's ear, I could lead Britain and the rest of the world into a new age of progress and discovery.
[chattering begins]
Lord Kelvin
Fair enough.
Lord Salisbury
What?
Lord Kelvin
I, Lord Kelvin, hereby vow to surrender my position as Minister of Science, to Phileas Fogg...if he can circumnavigate the globe... in no more than 80 days. But if he cannot, he must never set foot in the academy again, he must tear down that abhorrent eyesore he calls a laboratory, and he must swear... never to invent again. Just as I always suspected, Fogg. You promise so much, yet you deliver...oh, nothing!
[Phileas is taken aback by this vow, not knowing what to say]
Phileas Fogg
I'll take your wager.
[quietly]
Lord Kelvin
What did you say?
Phileas Fogg
I'LL TAKE YOUR WAGER!
Lord Kelvin
Then it's done. A man who has never set foot out of England, circling the globe. This is going to be rather amusing!
Phileas Fogg
History won't remember your amusements, Lord Kelvin. But it'll be hard-pressed to forget the moment I'm standing on the very top step of the Royal Academy of Science... ...by the strike of noon... ...after I, Phileas Fogg, have traveled around the world in 80 days!
[roller-skates up to Kelvin; Big Ben strikes noon; Passepartout smiles]
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Authority and Certainty in Scientific Pursuits
Lord Kelvin
This is the Royal Academy of Science! We don't need to prove anything! Besides, by the time you get out of jail, you'll have lost this wager.
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Misogyny Reflected in Leadership Perceptions
Lord Kelvin
A female General?! What sort of pathetic man takes orders from a woman?
[referring to General Fang; The camera pans out to show a picture of [[w:Queen Victoria|Queen Victoria]
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The Value of Persistence in Men
Dil
He's still looking, Col.
Col
Persistent.
Dil
Good thing in a man.
Col
An excellent quality.
Dil
Maybe he wants something.
Col
I expect he does.
Dil
Ask him!
Col
Ask him yourself!
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A Disparaging View of the Great Wall
Lord Kelvin
What's this thing here blocking my jade reserves? That will certainly have to be demolished.
Lord Salisbury
But that is the Great Wall of China, sir!
Lord Kelvin
...It's not that great.
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The Dismissal of Dr. Ramsey's Ideas
Lord Kelvin
And with this draft to develop new applications for copper wire, Dr Ramsey invented this. ] made of copper, then starts speaking with a dark voice] Needless to say, the Royal Academy of Science declared this crackpot "mentally incompetent" and he was duly dispatched to a lunatic asylum.
[displays a [[w:Slinky|Slinky]
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Fogg Unwittingly Aids a Criminal
Scientist #1
Sir, I've received a telegram from Inspector Fix.
[walks into the room with a piece of paper]
Lord Kelvin
Aha!
Scientist #1
According to him, the bank thief and Fogg's valet are the same man.
Lord Kelvin
That numbskull Fogg doesn't even realize he's transporting the bank thief!
Lord Salisbury
Or does he? He did leave town in quite a hurry, wouldn't you say, Lord Rhodes?
Lord Rhodes
Indeed, Lord Salisbury. Evading arrest, stealing a police vehicle...sounds rather incriminating to me.
Lord Salisbury
One can almost deduce that this entire bet was just a ruse to facilitate his escape. Don't you agree, Lord Kelvin?
Lord Kelvin
Yes. Brilliant, Lord Salisbury! I shall name a beef-related entree after you in your honour! Kitchener?
Colonel Kitchener
Sire?
Lord Kelvin
Inform your men at Scotland Yard that Phileas Fogg is WITHOUT A DOUBT THE MAN WHO ROBBED THE BANK OF ENGLAND!
Colonel Kitchener
Yes, sir.
Lord Kelvin
Where are they now?
Scientist #1
They're taking a train across India from Bombay to Calcutta.
Lord Rhodes
Thank goodness we own India.
Lord Kelvin
I want their faces posted in every police station, army barracks, post office, railway station and outhouse in India! WE'RE GOING TO STOP FOGG AND GET MY JADE BUDDHA BACK BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Critique of Ineffective Corruption in Authority
Lord Kelvin
What's the point in hiring a corrupt inspector if he can't even abuse the law properly?!
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Abuse of Power and Contempt for Authority
Lord Kelvin
Oh, boo-hoo! So what if I did try to kill Phileas Fogg? What are you gutless peons going to do about it?! I hold all the power! I run everything! So which of you half-wits is going to stop me? You?! You?! You?! The Queen?! Oh, the Queen! That inbred, antiquated old cow! The only way she could stop me is if she sat on me! With her big, fat royal bottom! She's behind me, isn't she?
[Little girl: "The Queen!"; laughing; as Queen Victoria arrives behind him, looking unamused; laughs more, then stops nervously]
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A Grand, Unforgettable Spectacle Awaits
Harold Zidler
A magnificent, opulent, tremendous, stupendous, gargantuan bedazzlement, a sensual ravishment. It will be: Spectacular Spectacular. No words in the vernacular can describe this great event. You'll be dumb with wonderment. Returns are fixed at 10%. You must admit that's excellent. And on top of your fee, you'll be involved artistically.
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Celebration of the Moulin Rouge
Harold Zidler
The Moulin... Rouge!!!!!
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Conflict Between Ambition and Romance
Harold Zidler
The Duke holds the deeds to the Moulin Rouge. He's spending a fortune on you. He's giving you a beautiful new dressing room. He wants to make you a star, and you are dallying with the writer!
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The Illusion of Law and Order
Boss Tweed
The appearance of law must be upheld, especially while it's being broken.
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The Power of Counting in Politics
Boss Tweed
Remember the first rule of politics. The ballots don't make the results, the counters make the results. The counters. Keep counting.
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Political Tensions at the Waterfront
Boss Tweed
You may or may not know, Bill, that everyday I go down to the waterfront with hot soup for the Irish as they come ashore. Its part of building a political base.
Bill
I've noticed you there, you may have noticed me.
Boss Tweed
Indeed I have. Throwing torrents of hatred and withering abuse on every single person who steps off those boats.
Bill
If only I had the guns, Mr. Tweed, I'd shoot each and every one of them before they set foot on American soil.
[gleefully]
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Sacrificing for the Greater Good
Harold Zidler
Hurt him. Hurt him to save him.
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Optimism in the Midst of Success
Harold Zidler
Everything's going so well!
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Understanding Relationships and Their Complexities
Col
You could always make it up to her. When a girl runs out like that, she generally wants to be followed.
Fergus
She's not a girl, Col.
Col
Whatever you say.
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The Feeling of Innocence in Love
Harold Zidler
She says it feels so good, inside, when you hold her, and touch her; it makes her feel like a ... virgin.
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Debate on Identity and Contribution in America
Boss Tweed
That's the building of our country right there, Mr. Cutting. Americans aborning.
Bill
I don't see no Americans. I see trespassers, Irish harps. Do a job for a nickel what a nigger does for a dime and a white man used to get a quarter for. What have they done? Name one thing they've contributed.
Boss Tweed
Votes.
Bill
Votes, you say? They vote how the archbishop tells them, and who tells the archbishop? Their king in the pointy hat what sits on his throne in Rome.
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The Nature of Homesickness
Eilis
I wish that I could stop feeling that I want to be an Irish girl in Ireland.
Father Flood
It will pass. Homesickness is like most sicknesses. It will make you feel wretched, and then it will move on to someone else.
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The Weight of Unshared Memories
Horace Slughorn
It was a student who gave me Francis. One spring afternoon I discovered a bowl on my desk with just a few inches of clear water in it. And floating on the surface was a flower petal. As I watched, it sank. Just before it reached the bottom, it was transformed into a wee fish. It was beautiful magic, wondrous to behold. The flower petal had come from a lily. Your mother. The day I came downstairs, the day the bowl was empty, was the day your mother.... I know why you're here, but I can't help you. It would ruin me.
[Telling Harry the story of his deceased fish]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.