I Love You, Man - Maturity and Connections in Relationships
Joyce Klaven:
Peter always connected better with women.
Zooey:
You know, I can see that because he is a great boyfriend.
Peter:
Thank you fiancee.
Oswald Klaven:
Also, you got to understand, Zooey, Peter matured sexually at a very early age. I remember taking him swimming when he was twelve-years-old, kid had a bush like a forty-year-old Serbian.
Peter:
Oh come on!
Zooey:
Good to know.
Oswald:
Kid had a Speedo full of Brillo.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Thank You for Smoking - Frustration in the Workplace
BR:
The rest of you people go slam your fucking brains against your desks until something useful comes out!
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Thank You for Smoking - Shock at an outrageous financial demand
BR:
50 million dollars?! Are you out of your fucking mind?!
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Thank You for Smoking - Urgent Call to Action in Tobacco Marketing
BR: [Pussy]
People, what is going on out there? I look down this table, all I see are white flags! Our numbers are down all across the board. Teen smoking, our bread and butter, is falling like a shit from heaven! We don't sell Tic Tacs for Christ's sake. We sell cigarettes! And they're cool and available and addictive. The job is almost done for us! Now, this environmentalist is challenging us. We have to have an answer! I'm asking you, when this cocksucker puts Captain Hook on our product, what the fuck are we going to do!?
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Up in the Air - The Impact of Career Change on Family
Bob: [Shows them a picture of his children, after having been informed he's been let go]
What do you suggest I tell them?
Natalie:
Perhaps you're overlooking the positive effects your career transition will have on your children.
Bob:
The positive effects? I make about ninety grand a year. Unemployment is, what? Two hundred fifty bucks a week? Is that one of your positive effects? We get to be cozier because I won't be able to pay my mortgage on my house so maybe we can move into a nice fucking one bedroom apartment somewhere. And I guess without benefits I'll be able to hold my daughter as she suffers from her asthma that I won't be able to afford the medication for.
Natalie:
Well, umm, tests have shown that children under moderate trauma tend to apply themselves academically as a method of coping.
Bob:
Go fuck yourself", that's what my kids will think.
Ryan:
Your kids admiration is important to you?
Bob:
Yeah. Yeah. It was.
Ryan:
I doubt they ever admired you, Bob.
Bob:
Hey, asshole, aren't you supposed to be consoling me?
Ryan:
I'm not a shrink, I'm a wake-up call. Do you know why kids love athletes?
Bob:
I don’t know, because they screw lingerie models.
Ryan:
No, that’s why we love them. Kids love athletes because they follow their dreams.
Bob:
Well I can’t dunk.
Ryan:
No, but you can cook.
Bob:
What are you talking about?
Ryan:
Your resume says that you minored in French Culinary Arts. Most students, they’ll work the fryer at KFC, but you bussed tables at El Picador to support yourself. And then you get out of college and you come and you work here. How much did they first pay you to give up on your dreams?
Bob:
Twenty seven grand a year.
Ryan:
And when were you going to stop and come back and do what makes you happy?
Bob: [sighs]
Good question.
Ryan:
I see guys who work at the same company their entire lives, guys exactly like you. They clock in and they clock out and they never have a moment of happiness. You have an opportunity here, Bob. This is a rebirth. If not for you, do it for your children.
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For Love of the Game - The Consequences of Reliability in Sports
Frank Perry: [Billy is warming up in the bullpen before the game]
Well, since you're throwing bullets, I'm not even gonna mention the fact that you're an hour late, and I have been standing here trying to figure out who my starting pitcher would be if you didn't show up.
Billy Chapel:
Have I ever not showed? In the 19 years, have I ever not showed?
Frank Perry:
Well, that's true of everyone until the first time they don't show.
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La La Land - Job Loss During the Holiday Season
Bill:
You're fired.
Sebastian:
It's Christmas.
Bill:
Yeah, I see the decorations. Good luck in the New Year.
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La La Land - A New Perspective on Happiness
Sebastian:
I want to let you know you're looking at a new man.
Bill:
Good.
Sebastian:
A man who's happy to be here.
Bill:
Excellent.
Sebastian:
Very easy to work with. Yeah.
Bill:
Right, and you'll play the set list.
Sebastian:
Happy to. Even though I don’t think anyone cares what I play, but yeah.
Bill:
Well, if by “anyone” you mean anyone other than me, that would be correct. I care and I don’t want to hear the free jazz.
Sebastian:
Right. Okay. Although I, I thought in this town it worked on a sort of “one for you, one for me” basis type system. How about two for you, one for me?
Sebastian:
How about all for you and none for me?
Bill:
That’s perfect, yes.
Sebastian:
Great.
Bill:
Okay.
Sebastian:
Okay, a mutual decision then.
Bill:
Right, made by me.
Sebastian:
Right, and I sign off on it, so.
Bill:
Whatever. Tell yourself what you want to know.
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Whiplash - Fletcher's Departure from Shaffer Academy
Fletcher:
I don't know if you heard. I'm not at Shaffer anymore.
Andrew:
Yeah, I did hear that. Did you quit?
Fletcher: [Andrew chuckles]
Not exactly. Some parents got a kid from Sean Casey's year, I think, to say some things about me. Although why anybody would have anything other than peaches and cream to say about me is a mystery. That's a good laugh, right?
Andrew:
I'm sorry.
Fletcher:
No, listen-- I get it. I know I made enemies. I'm conducting a little, though. They brought back the JVC Fest this year. They got me opening in a couple weeks with a pro band.
Andrew:
That's great.
Fletcher: [[Louis Armstrong; [w:Charlie Parker|Charlie Parker]
Yeah. It's all right. Truth is, I don't think people understood what it was I was doing at Shaffer. I wasn't there to conduct. Any fucking moron can wave his arms and keep people in tempo. I was there to push people beyond what's expected of them. I believe that is... an absolute necessity. Otherwise, we're depriving the world of the next ]. The next ]. I told you that story about how Charlie Parker became Charlie Parker, right?
Andrew: [[w:Jo Jones|Jo Jones]
] threw a cymbal at his head.
Fletcher:
Exactly. Parker's a young kid, pretty good on the sax. Gets up to play at a cutting session, and he fucks it up. And Jones nearly decapitates him for it. And he's laughed off-stage. Cries himself to sleep that night, but the next morning, what does he do? He practices. And he practices and he practices with one goal in mind: never to be laughed at again. And a year later, he goes back to the Reno and he steps up on that stage, and plays the best motherfucking solo the world has ever heard. So imagine if Jones had just said, "Well, that's okay, Charlie. That was all right. Good job." And then Charlie thinks to himself, "Well, shit, I did do a pretty good job." End of story. No Bird. That, to me, is an absolute tragedy. But that's just what the world wants now. People wonder why jazz is dying. I tell you, man, and every Starbucks "jazz" album just proves my point, really - there are no two words in the English language more harmful than "good job".
Andrew: [pause]
But is there a line? You know, maybe you go too far, and you discourage the next Charlie Parker from ever becoming Charlie Parker?
Fletcher:
No, man, no. Because the next Charlie Parker would never be discouraged.
Andrew:
Yeah.
Fletcher:
The truth is, Andrew, I never really had a Charlie Parker. But I tried. I actually fucking tried, and that's more than most people ever do. And I will never apologize for how I tried.
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Whiplash - Tension in a Music Rehearsal Setting
Andrew:
Hey. Hey, sorry I'm late.
Fletcher:
Well, glad you could fit us into your busy schedule, darling.
Andrew:
I know. Look, I'm sorry I'm late, but I'm here. I'm ready to go.
Fletcher:
Connolly's playing the part.
Andrew:
Yeah, like fucking hell he's playing my part.
Fletcher:
What the fuck did you just say to me?
Andrew:
It's my part.
Fletcher:
It's my part and I decide who to lend it to. Usually it's somebody that has fucking sticks.
Andrew:
I left them in the car, I'll be right back. Take me five minutes.
Fletcher:
I'm warming up the band now.
Andrew:
Look, I can use Ryan's sticks.
Fletcher:
Neiman, you lost the fucking part.
Andrew:
No, I didn't! Look, you can't fucking do this to me!
Fletcher:
CAN'T'?!
Andrew:
Yeah!
Fletcher:
When did you become a fucking expert on what I can or cannot do, you fucking weepy willow shitsack?
Andrew:
I earned that part.
Fletcher:
You never earned anything. God, you are a self-righteous prick. The only reason you are a core is because you misplaced a folder. The only reason you're in Studio Band to begin with is because I told you exactly what I'd be asking for in Nassau! Am I wrong?
Andrew:
Yeah, yeah. I'm in studio band because I'm the best player...
Ryan: [interrupts]
Hey, why don't you just back off, bro?
Andrew:
Hey, you know, fuck off, Johnny Utah! Turn my pages, bitch!
Fletcher:
Hey, I can cut you any fucking time I want.
Andrew:
You would've cut me by now.
Fletcher:
Try me, you fucking weasel! At 5:30, that's in exactly eleven minutes, my band is onstage. If your ass is not on that stool with your own fucking sticks in hand or you make ONE FUCKING MISTAKE, ONE, I will drum your ass back to Nassau where you can turn pages until you graduate or fucking drop out! By the time you're done at Shaffer, you're gonna make Daddy look like a fucking success story! Got it? Or, we can let Johnny Utah play the part. You choose.
Andrew: [to Connelly; runs to get his sticks]
It's my part, I'll be on your stage. Fuck you.
Fletcher:
You got ten minutes you fucking pathetic pansy-ass fruit-fuck!
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Whiplash - Lost Folder Causes Tension Among Musicians
Fletcher:
Jesus fucking Christ, where have you been?
Carl:
We have an issue.
Fletcher:
Okay, now is not the time.
Carl:
I gave Neiman the folder and Neiman lost it.
Fletcher:
Neiman lost it?
Carl:
Yes.
Fletcher:
The folder is your fucking responsibility, Tanner. Why would you give it to Neiman? Right? You give a calculator to a fucking retard he's gonna try to turn on a TV with it. Now get your sticks and get your ass on stage.
Carl:
I-- I can't.
Fletcher:
You can't?
Carl:
I-- I can't go onstage. I don't know the charts by heart.
Fletcher:
Are you fucking kidding me?
Carl: [stammers]
I-- You know this. I need the music. It's my memory, I need visual cues.
Fletcher:
Visual cues?
Carl:
Yes, it's a medical condition--
Fletcher: [[Sanjay Gupta]
A medical condition? What are you, fucking ]? Play the goddamn music.
Carl:
I can't.
Andrew:
I can.
Fletcher:
You know "Whiplash" by heart?
Andrew:
Yes, sir. Every measure.
Fletcher: [to band]
All right. Well, you better fucking hope your memory doesn't fail you. And I hope you play it a whole lot better than you did last month in rehearsal, because I do not intend to start losing now. Get your sticks and get your fucking ass onstage. Onstage!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Whiplash - The Importance of Tempo in Music
Fletcher:
Why do you suppose I just hurled a chair at your head, Neiman?
Andrew:
I... I don't know.
Fletcher:
Sure you do.
Andrew:
The tempo.
Fletcher:
Were you rushing or were you dragging?
Andrew:
I don't know.
Fletcher:
Start counting.
Andrew:
Five, six--
Fletcher:
In four, damn it! Look at me.
Andrew: [Fletcher slaps him; slap]
One, two, three, four-- ...One, two, three, four-- ...One, two, three...
Fletcher:
Now, was I rushing or was I dragging?
Andrew:
I don't know.
Fletcher:
Count again.
Andrew: [slap; slap]
One, two, three, four-- ...One, two, three, four-- ...One, two, three...
Fletcher:
Rushing or dragging?
Andrew:
Rushing.
Fletcher:
So you do know the difference! If you deliberately sabotage my band, I will fuck you like a pig. Now are you a rusher, or are you a dragger, or are you gonna be ON MY FUCKING TIME?!
Andrew:
I'm gonna be on your time.
Fletcher: [points to sheet music]
What does that say?
Andrew:
Quarter note equals 215.
Fletcher:
Count me a 215.
Andrew:
One, two, three, four, one, two, three, four...
Fletcher:
Jesus fucking Christ! I didn't know they allowed retards into Shaffer! Am I to understand that you cannot read tempo? Can you even fucking read music?! What is that?
Andrew:
Eighth note.
Fletcher:
Yes, what is that?
Andrew:
Dotted sixteenth note.
Fletcher:
Sight-read measure 101.
Andrew:
Bop-bop-ba-bop-ba--
Fletcher: [Andrew drums the measure; Andrew doesn't respond]
What, are you in a fucking a cappella group? Play the goddamn kit! Stop. Now answer my question: were you rushing, or were you dragging? ANSWER!!!
Andrew:
Rushing.
Fletcher: [sees Andrew shed a tear]
Oh, my dear God. Are you one of those single tear people? Do I look like a double fucking rainbow to you? You must be upset. Are you upset?
Andrew:
No.
Fletcher:
No? So you just don't give a shit about any of this?
Andrew:
I do give a shit about this.
Fletcher: [Andrew nods yes]
So, are you upset? Yes or fucking no? Yes, you are upset.
Andrew:
Yeah.
Fletcher:
Say it.
Andrew:
I'm upset.
Fletcher:
Say it so the whole band can hear you.
Andrew:
I'm upset!
Fletcher:
Louder!
Andrew: [loud]
I'm upset!
Fletcher:
LOUDER!
Andrew: [louder]
I'M UPSET!
Fletcher: [[Eugene O'Neill]
You are a worthless, friendless, faggot-lipped little piece of shit whose mommy left daddy when she figured out he wasn't ], and who is now weeping and slobbering all over my drum set like a fucking nine-year old girl! So for the final, FATHER-FUCKING TIME, SAY IT LOUDER!!!
Andrew: [high pitched]
I'M UPSET!!!
Fletcher: [Carl takes Andrew's place at the drums as Fletcher goes back to compose the band]
Carl. Start practicing harder, Neiman.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Whiplash - Exploring Family Backgrounds in Whiplash
Fletcher:
Your parents musicians?
Andrew:
No.
Fletcher:
What do they do?
Andrew:
My, uh, dad's a writer.
Fletcher:
Oh, what's he written?
Andrew:
Uh, I guess he's more of a teacher, really.
Fletcher:
Oh. College?
Andrew:
Pennington High School.
Fletcher:
What about your mother, what does she do?
Andrew:
I don't know, she left when I was a baby.
Fletcher: [Andrew shakes his head]
So no musicians in the family. Well, you've just got to listen to the greats then. Buddy Rich, Jo Jones. You know, Charlie Parker became Bird because Jones threw a cymbal at his head. See what I'm saying?
Andrew:
Mm-hm.
Fletcher:
Listen, the key is to just relax. Don't worry about the numbers, don't worry about what the other guys are thinking. You're here for a reason. You believe that, right?
Andrew:
Yeah.
Fletcher:
Say it.
Andrew:
I'm here for a reason.
Fletcher:
Cool. All right, man. Have fun.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Whiplash - Confrontation Over Musical Performance Quality
Fletcher: [walks over to Metz]
Tell me it's not you, Elmer Fudd. It's okay. Play.
Fletcher:
Do you think you're out of tune?
Fletcher:
What are you... there's no fucking Mars Bar down there, what are you looking at? Look up here, look at me. Do you think you're out of tune?
Metz: [after a long, hesitant pause]
Yes.
Fletcher: [yelling; calmer tone]
THEN WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T YOU SAY SO?! I've carried your fat ass for too long, Metz. I'm not gonna have you cost us a competition because your mind's on a fucking Happy Meal instead of on pitch. Jackson, congratulations. You're fourth chair. Metz, why are you still sitting there? Get the fuck out!
Fletcher: [to the band]
For the record, Metz wasn't out of tune. You were, Erickson, but he didn't know and that's bad enough. Alright take 10, when we get back the squeaker's on.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.