Joe Turkel Quotes

Jack Hi, Lloyd. A little slow tonight, isn't it?

Lloyd Yes it is, Mr. Torrance. What'll it be?

Jack I'm awfully glad you asked me that, Lloyd. Because I just happen to have two twenties and two tens right here in my wallet. I was afraid they were gonna be there until next April. So here's what: you slip me a bottle of bourbon, a little glass and some ice. You can do that, can't you, Lloyd? You're not too busy, are you?

Lloyd No, sir. I'm not busy at all.

Jack Good man! You set em up and I'll knock em back, Lloyd. One by one. White man's burden, Lloyd, my man! White man's burden. Say, Lloyd, it seems I'm temporarily light! How's my credit in this joint, anyway?

Lloyd Your credit's fine, Mr. Torrance.

Jack That's swell. I like you, Lloyd. I always liked you. You were always the best of em. Best god-damn bartender from Timbuktu to Portland, Maine. Or Portland, Oregon, for that matter.

Lloyd Thank you for saying so.

Jack Here's to five miserable months on the wagon, and all the irreparable harm that it's caused me.

Lloyd How are things going, Mr. Torrance?

Jack Things could be better, Lloyd. Things could be a whole lot better.

Lloyd I hope it's nothing serious.

Jack No. Nothing serious. Just a little problem with the, uh, old sperm-bank upstairs. Nothing I can't handle though, Lloyd. Thanks.

Lloyd Women. Can't live with em, can't live without em.

Jack Words of wisdom, Lloyd! Words of wisdom. I never laid a hand on him, goddamn it. I didn't. I wouldn't touch one hair on his goddamn little head. I love the little son of a bitch! I'd do anything for him, any fucking thing for him. But that bitch! As long as I live, she'll never let me forget what happened. I did hurt him once, okay? It was an accident - completely unintentional, could have happened to anybody. And it was three goddamn years ago! The little fucker had thrown all my papers all over the floor, and all I tried to do was pull him up...! A momentary loss of muscular coordination, all right? A few extra foot-pounds of energy per second, per second.

Jack Hi, Lloyd. Been away. Now, I'm back.

Lloyd Good evening, Mr. Torrence. It's good to see you.

Jack It's good to be back, Lloyd.

Lloyd What'll it be, sir?

Jack Hair of the dog that bit me.

Lloyd Bourbon on the rocks.

Jack That'll do her!

Lloyd No charge to you, Mr. Torrance.

Jack No charge?

Lloyd Your money's no good here. Orders from the house.

Jack Orders from the house?

Lloyd Drink up, Mr. Torrance.

Jack I'm the kind of man who likes to know who's buying their drinks, Lloyd.

Lloyd It's not a matter that concerns you, Mr. Torrance. At least not at this point.

Jack Anything you say Lloyd! Anything you say.