John Candy Quotes

Buck Russell Do I have to talk dirty to you? Come on! Open up for daddy! I'm gonna shove a load into you! Here we go! Come on, it's nice and easy. Aaah! Come on, here we go! Ah! Take that! Take that! Come on! You don't want the crowbar, do you? Come on! OPEN UP! UUGGHH! I'm gonna shove my load into you whether you like it or not!

Buck Russell You should see the toast. I couldn't even get it through the door!

Anita I'm Anita Hoargarth.

Buck Russell Buck Melanoma, Moley Russell's wart. Not her wart, not her wart. I'm... I'm the wart. She's my tumor. My... my growth. My... uh, my pimple. I'm Uncle Wart. Just old Buckwart Russell. That's what they call me, or Melanoma Head. They'll call me that. "Melanoma Head's coming!" I'm s... uncle! Maisy Russell's uncle!

British Alliance Member We must also be concerned about the potential for embarrassment.

Irv Blitzer Oh, forgive me. I didn't realize that four black guys in a bobsled could make you blush.

IAWS Officer I think we've heard enough.

Irv Come on, Kurt, what you're doing is wrong and you know it! Now if this is about you and me, let's get it straight right now.

Irv All right, ], I made the biggest mistake of my life - I cheated. I was stupid. I embarrassed myself, my family, my teammates, my country... and my coach. If it's revenge you want, take it. Go ahead, disqualify me, banish me! Do whatever you want, but do it to me! It was me who let you down, Kurt! It wasn't my guys! They've done everything you've asked of them! And they did it with all of you laughing in their face. Hell, it doesn't matter if they come in first or 50th. Those guys have earned the right to represent their country. They've earned the right to march into that stadium and wave their nation's flag. That's the single greatest honor an athlete can ever have. That's what the Olympics are about. Sixteen years ago, I forgot that. Don't you go and do the same. Sorry if I interrupted your meeting.

Irv Derice, a gold medal is a wonderful thing, but if you're not enough without it, you'll never be enough with it.

Derice Hey, coach, how will I know if I'm enough?

Irv When you cross that finish line, you'll know.

Buck Russell Oh boy, those kids. I haven't seen those kids in a while. Tia's gotta be nine. Nine, maybe ten. Oh boy. And the two new ones. They're uh... Larry and... uh... Larry and, uh... Uh... Betsy. Betsy, uh... Jennifer. Jennifer. Larry and Jennifer. Nice kids.

Sanka You don't understand. I am Sanka Coffie. I am the best pushcart driver in all of Jamaica! I must drive! Do you dig where I'm coming from?

Irv Yeah, I dig where you're coming from.

Sanka Good.

Irv Now dig where I'm coming from. I'm coming from two gold medals. I'm coming from nine world records in both the two- and four-man events. I'm coming from ten years of intense competition with the best athletes in the world.

Sanka That's a hell of a place to be coming from!

Buck Russell It’s 7:02 in the a.m., you’re listening to “W-I-don’t-have-to-go-to-work-today” brought to you by Kobolowski Tires. For the best in tires see Chanice! Kobolowski.

Buck Russell I don't think I want to know a six-year-old who isn't a dreamer, or a sillyheart. And I sure don't want to know one who takes their student career seriously. I don't have a college degree. I don't even have a job. But I know a good kid when I see one. Because they're ALL good kids, until dried-out, brain-dead skags like you drag them down and convince them they're no good. You so much as scowl at my niece, or any other kid in this school, and I hear about it, I'm coming looking for you! Take this quarter, go downtown, and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face! Good day to you, madam.

Sanka Derice! You dead?

Derice No, man, I'm not dead. We have to finish the race.

Irv Excuse me, please. Excuse me.

Grool Sehr gut, Jamaica. We'll see you in four years, ja?

Derice Yeah, man.

Yul Junior Bevil! That doesn't mean that I like you.

Junior We split.

Sam Sleaze Hey, what's that noise? It's the cops!

Sid Sleaze Sam! The bird's gone! The bird's gone! The bird's gone.

Sam Sleaze Get a grip on yourself. will ya? Just try to relax. I'll take care of everything. Whatever you do, don't cry.

State Trooper Are these the two men?

Sam Sleaze What's seems to be the problem, officer? What's the charge?

State Trooper What about counterfeiting, extortion, fraud, impersonating a dentist, stealing an apple from a kid?

Sam Sleaze Oh, that apple, officer, I can explain that. We was just holding it for a friend.

Sid Sleaze Yeah, for a friend.

State Trooper You can tell that to the judge.

Sid Sleaze The judge!

State Trooper Be a man.

Sid Sleaze I don't want to be a man. Sam!

Sam Sleaze Shut up, Sid! Shut up!

Sid Sleaze Judge, Sam! Jail!