Memorable Quotes from Jon Heder
23 quotesSkepticism Towards UFOlogy as a Science
Darryl
UFOlogy. It's not even a real science.
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Excitement Over Dinner Plans
Clark
Hold on my moms texting me...No Way! We're having macaroni tonight that means garlic bread.. Yes!!
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Misunderstanding Steroids and Their Effects
Clark
What are steroids? "Somtehing that makes your pee pee small"..... There must be steroids in macaroni!
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Misunderstanding of Roles Among Friends
Kyle
I'm gonna call the cops!
Clark
We are the cops! We're Navy Seals!
Kyle
Navy Seals aren't cops!
Troy
Aren't you our paperboy?
Clark
I'm undercover.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Floor Sleeping Dilemma Between Friends
Jeffrey Mannus
Are you sure you're gonna be okay sleeping on the floor?
Seymour Warburton
I was thinking you would sleep on the floor.
Jeffrey Mannus
I've got ].
[[w:spina bifida|spina bifida]
Seymour Warburton
I have ].
[[w:osteoporosis|osteoporosis]
Jeffrey Mannus
Well, I'm allergic to dust.
Seymour Warburton
I'm ninety-one fuckin years old.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Desperate Thirst for a Refreshing Drink
Darryl
Do you have a diet anything, I'm like, 99.9% parched, here. I could really use a cola.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
K.I.T.T. from Knight Rider Appears in Scene
Clark
This car is so radical. Looks just like K.I.T.T. from the show Knight Rider.
Mel
It is K.I.T.T. from Knight Rider. Watch this.
[Mel activates the car with his watch]
K.I.T.T
Allow me to introduce myself. I'm K.I.T.T.
Richie
Who are you?
[to Mel]
Mel
Oh, I'm just once of those nerds who grew up...to make billions.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Tensions Rise in a Playful Exchange
Number 7 Robot
Ha-ha-ha! I heard you stunk!
Clark
Shut up, Number 7!
Number 7 Robot
You shut up!
Clark
I'll kill you!
Number 7 Robot
Oh shit!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questioning the spelling of "bad ass
Clark
Is bad ass one or two words?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Character's Affection for Beef Stew
Clark
I love beef stew!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confronting Negative Energy and Its Effects
Darryl
Can't you feel that, man? There's, like, this cancer-causing ray of spirit hate searing right towards your body.
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A Playful Exchange Among Friends
Brad
Clark? Richie? I hardly recognize you two clowns without the underwear on your head!
Richie
Brad, wow, you have really not slimmed down.
Brad
Oh, eat me! So I hear from Jerry that you tools think your atheletes now?
Richie
That's funny. I didn't know athlete had three sylables. Ath-a-lete! Thats ama-z-zing!
Brad
You think your hot shit cause you know words!
Clark
Hey, Brad, why don't you be a stud and point us toward the register? Or register-er!
Brad
My team practices today at 5! Swing by if you she-men want to lose!
Richie
You can't handle the truth!
Brad
Bring it!
Clark
SUCK IT!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Respect for the Dead
Darryl
A word to the wise, girl. Show some respect for the dead.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Humorous Exchange About Makers and Poop
Kyle
Time to meet your makers!
Clark
Makers of what? Poop?
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Confirmation of Life in Unusual Circumstances
Darryl
I agree with her, dude. She's not dead.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Darryl's Perspective on Righteousness
Darryl
Righteous.
[multiple times]
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Observing an Embarrassing Aura
Darryl
Whoa, major red aura! Somebody's embarrassed.
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Childhood Bullying and Humorous Mishaps
Gus
Hey. Are you the kid who got farted on earlier?
[to Nelson]
Mel
Yes. This is my son Nelson. He's become quite the fart magnet for the neighborhood bullies.
Nelson
I also get a healthy smear of animal turds twice daily.
Clark
When I was your age, Fairy Jerry dumped a bucket of dog poop on me.
Nelson
His son just did that to me last week!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Deb's Milk
Napoleon Dynamite
[referring to Deb's milk] I see you're drinking 1%. Is that 'cause you think you're fat? 'Cause you're not. You could be drinking whole if you wanted to.
Miscommunication Among Friends
Clark
Gus!
Richie
Gus!
Clark
He can't hear us.
Richie
Ohh! Ah...
[Falls on the ground]
Gus
Hey fellas. You okay, Richie?
[Finally hearing them; Walks over to them]
Richie
Yeah, I'm fine, just... purple nuts.
[Standing up]
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Commitment to Integrity in Friendship
Richie
Clark, we don't play baseball.
Clark
I told Gus we'd be there, Richie. And if we don't go, that makes me a liar. And that's not what I'm about. Not now, NOT EVER!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Love Given is Love Retained
Seymour Warburton
If you're looking for some wise, pithy advice that only an old man with a lifetime of experience can give you, you're barking up the wrong tree. What I can tell you is the love we give away is the only love we can keep.
Jeffrey Mannus
That's actually wise and pithy, Seymour.
Seymour Warburton
I got it off an old ] calendar. I think it was September. And I'm-
[[Deepak Chopra]
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Conversations About Relationships and Personal Lives
Mel
Now, Richie, do you have any kids?
Richie
Never had a date.
Mel
Clark?
Clark
Never spoke to a girl.
Mel
Gu... Gus?
[Pauses a bit, realizing that what Clark said was weird]
Gus
Uh, my wife and I are kind of working on it.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.