What We Do in the Shadows - Vampires and Hunters at the Ball
Deacon: [to '''Viago'''; [wikipedia:Blade_(comics)|Blade]
You can't go to the Ball as ]. He's a Vampire Hunter.
Viago: [[wikipedia:Wesley_Snipes|Wesley Snipes]
Yeah, but Vampires love ].
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
What We Do in the Shadows - The Procession of Shame Among Vampires
Deacon:
Let us do the Procession of Shame now.
Viago, Deacon, Vladislav:
Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Bad Vampire.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
What We Do in the Shadows - A Disagreement Over Twilight Reference
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
What We Do in the Shadows - Disruption of an Intimate Performance
Deacon:
The neighbours can see you flying around the house. Do you want to draw attention to this house, hmm?
Nick:
You've got a whole documentary group following you around.
Deacon:
I'm doing an erotic dance for my friends. You ruined it. I was in the zone. My friends were loving it.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
What We Do in the Shadows - The Appeal of Virgin Blood
Deacon:
I think we drink virgin blood because it sounds cool.
Vladislav:
I think of it like this. If you're going to eat a sandwich, you would just enjoy it more if you knew no one had fucked it.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
What We Do in the Shadows - Vampires Debate the Importance of Clean Dishes
Vladislav:
The point is, Deacon, you have not done the dishes for 5 years!
Viago:
Vladislav is right, it's unacceptable to have so many bloody dishes all over this bench like there.
Vladislav:
I'm so embarrassed when people come over here.
Deacon:
Why does it matter? You bring them over, you kill them! Vampires don't do dishes!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
What We Do in the Shadows - The Loneliness of Immortality
Deacon: [to '''Nick''']
This is what happens when you're a vampire. You have to watch everyone die. Your mother and father. All your friends. Sometimes brutal, like slipping and falling onto a giant spike. Or falling asleep in an autumn pile of leaves and having some of them block your windpipe. Or making the simple mistake of fashioning a mask out of crackers and being attacked by ducks, geese, swans. Or even dying of old age, but even old age is brutal. Watching your friends grow old. They can't piss, and they say stupid things, and their brains go, and they can't remember anything. And then one day they can't even remember who you are, and you wish they were dead, and then they do die.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
What We Do in the Shadows - Warning of a Crucifix Nearby
Deacon: [reading text message from '''Viago'''; turns around startled to find nothing]
One message received. "Ther iz a crucifx behind you".
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
What We Do in the Shadows - Deacon's Opinion on Nick as a Vampire
Deacon:
I don't think Nick should have become a vampire. He's such a dick.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
What We Do in the Shadows - The Allure of Vampiric Transformation
Deacon: [gestures to himself]
When you become a vampire, you become very…sexy.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.