Julie Kavner Quotes

Mother Pay more attention to your schoolwork and less to the radio!

Joe You always listen to the radio.

Mother It's different. Our lives are ruined already. You still have a chance to grow up and be somebody.

Mother I think you have these qualities that you demand and when you meet a nice man you disqualify him for the smallest fault.

Bea That's not true.

Mother So, what was wrong with Nat Bernstein?

Bea He wore white socks with a tuxedo!

Narrator I found the show silly and always imagined my parents on it airing their standard complaints.

Mother He's a business failure. He never finishes what he starts. We're forced to live with my relatives and thank God for them. And I should have married Sam Slotkin.

Father Sam Slotkin's dead.

Mother Yes, but while he was alive, he was working.

Father She'd be lost without her whole family around her all the time, and you should see em. They're like some kind of tribe. They're like the Huns. Maybe if I had married a more encouraging woman, who knows?

Mother So who do you think is right?

Mr. Abercrombie I think you both deserve each other.

Mother What does that mean?

Father Look, we didn't come here to be insulted.

Mother I love him, but what did I do to deserve him?

Bea Tess, I can't decide if I should take my vacation on a cruise or go to the mountains. I mean, the men are richer on a cruise, but there's more of them in the resorts. What do you think, Tess?

Mother Well, I met my husband at a mountain resort. So, I'd advise you to go on a cruise.

Mother There are those who drink champagne at nightclubs and us who listen to them drink champagne on the radio.

Mother It's so beautiful. Boy, what a world... it could be so wonderful, if it wasn't for certain people.

Father What do they want, those Nazis? To slaughter everyone on the planet?

Mother The Nazis, the Communists. The world would be better off without any of them, believe me. Come here. You know what ] said, don't you? He said, to settle a war the leaders of the countries involved should meet in a stadium and fight it out with socks filled with horse manure.

Mother If it's a girl, I thought we could name it Lola.

Father Lola? What do you want her to be, a stripper?

Mother Better be careful. The daughter believes in free love.

Father Why do you say that?

Mother You heard what happened to Mrs. Silverman? She couldn't sleep. She was up one night taking a cup of tea and she heard a car pull up 3:00 in the morning. So, you know Mrs. Silverman. She always likes to know what's going on. So, she's peeking out her front door and there's the girl across the street coming back from a folk-singing thing with a tall colored man. You're not gonna believe this, Ceil. She gives the guy a big, long kiss. Well, you can imagine how Rose Silverman reacted. She had a stroke on the spot.

Narrator Then there were my father and mother, two people who could find an argument in any subject.

Father Wait, you think the Atlantic is a greater ocean than the Pacific?

Mother No. Have it your way. The Pacific is greater.

Narrator I mean, how many people argue over oceans?

Mother I don't know what to do, Rabbi. Every night, he listens to the radio. I can't keep him away. I say, "Go to the beach. Play in the sun. Get some fresh air." No. "The Lone Ranger," "The Shadow," "The Masked Avenger.

Rabbi Baumel This is not good. This boy needs discipline. Radio, it's all right once in a while. Otherwise, it tends to induce bad values false dreams, lazy habits. Listening to the radio these stories of foolishness and violence this is no way for a boy to grow up!

Joe You speak the truth, my faithful Indian companion.

Rabbi Baumel To a rabbi you say "my faithful Indian companion"?

Gail Two months ago, you thought you had a malignant melanoma.

Mickey Naturally, I, I- Do you know I- The sudden appearance of a black spot on my back!

Gail It was on your shirt!

Mickey I- How was I to know? Everyone was pointing back here.