Office Christmas Party - Boss Asks Employees for Unconventional Help
Nate:
Okay, I'm gonna need both of you assclowns to hack into Clay's phone so we can find him.
Tim:
Come on, why would we help you, dude? Seriously?
Drew:
Yeah, why would we help you?
Nate: [grabs Tim by the collar]
Because I'm your fucking boss, and I'm telling you to.
Drew: [turns to Mary]
He can't touch him!
Mary:
I'll allow it.
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Office Christmas Party - Unconventional Confessions at the Office Party
Mary: [grabs Josh's arm to stop him from leaving the mini-van]
Because I don't know what's gonna happen in there. Last year, I filed a sexual harassment complaint against myself.
Josh:
Against yourself. Mmm-hmm.
Mary:
Andrew, in the copy room, he was changing the toner. And I pretended to drop something on the ground so that I could bend over and graze his butt with my nose. And I did.
Josh:
That doesn't seem that bad.
Mary:
And then I said, "If you don't fuck me, buster, I will ruin you.
Josh Parker:
Hmm. That's harassment.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Office Christmas Party - Minivan Debate Among Friends
Josh:
Mary, why do you even have a minivan? You don't have kids.
Mary:
I buy in bulk!
Josh Parker:
Can this thing handle snow?
Mary:
Oh, please. It's a Kia. It's what God would drive.
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Office Christmas Party - Doughnuts and Dancing at the Office Party
Mary: [enters the empty, now-trashed office]
Hey, guys, I got doughnuts! I got, uh, jelly and glazed and, uh, some other stuff. But no Cronuts, that's a bastard pastry.
Jeremy:
I still hate your rules. But your dancing is wild and free. Like an unmanned fire hose.
Mary: [looks at him below his waist; turns/walks away]
Put your pants on. For now.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.