Kelly PrestonQuotes

Terl: Ker, I'd like you to meet Chirk.

Terl: She's, um ... she's, um ...

Chirk: His soon-to-be newly acquired secretary.

Terl: Yes.

Ker: [''Eagerly''] Really?

Terl: [''Quietly, to Ker''] She's stupid enough not to be a menace, good-looking enough to be decorative; she gets drunk with economical speed ... and has other advantages.

Ker: Ooh. I can see that.

Chirk: I am going to make you as happy as a baby Psychlo on a straight diet of kerbango.

Narrator: [camera zooms into the clouds and the film title design appearing; view of the Anville with people hungry for tutti-frutti, with shopping bags] There are gajillions of stores of mischief and fun, but to keep things simple, let's start with just one about a mom and two kids, a house and a hat that oddly enough, was worn by a cat, but soon we will get to all of that. In the valley that stretches from this hill to that hill, a city is nestled, that city is Anville.

Kid: Hurry up! We'll miss the movie!

Man: Any more tutti-frutti?

Man #2: I'll check. Thanks!

Narrator: [the Hand Sanitizer truck is shown and the horn is heard honking; the employee puts a box of sanitizer on the mover] It's a town that's not huge, but not quite big enough for buyers and sellers to sell and buy stuff from shoes and shirts and elongated ladders to sailboats and gibble-grated berry-juice bladders. So, our story begins at the corner of Main and Montroob in the spotless real estate office run by Hank Humberfloob.

Woman: Humberfloob Real Estate, how can we make your dreams come true?

Joan Walden: [hangs up, We see a picture of Joan's kids, the clock turns 9:02, and a zero-tolerance boss stands here] What do you mean you're leaving? You're a baby sitter. Baby sitters don't leave, they sit. Baby leavers leave. I'll just have to come home right away. All right, thank you, Amy.

Mr. Hank Humberfloob: [everyone washed their hands and run away to their seats] Attention, everyone! It's 9:02! Staff Meeting! Staff Meeting! Look alive everyone! First, I'd like to welcome aboard the newest member of the Humberfloob Family, Jim McFlinnigan!

Jim McFlinnigan: Mr. Humberfloob, I just wanted to thank you...

Mr. Humberfloob: Fired...

Jim McFlinnigan: I beg your pardon?

Mr. Humberfloob: Fired...

Jim McFlinnigan: But I...

Mr. Humberfloob: [he screams in a high level of attitude; as Mr. Humberfloob was saying the above line, Jim McFlinnigan runs away crying, he uses ten squirts of Hand Sanitizer; rubs and blows his hands] FIIIIIIIIREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED-DUUUUUUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. As you know, tonight's our bimonthly meet and greet party, Tonight's host is... Joan Walden. This is where people can meet our real estate agents in a informal, yet hygienic setting.

Joan: Mr. Humberfloob, I have to get home to my kids.

Mr. Humberfloob: [looks at the picture; pause, he screams again in a very loud toned voice; everyone gasps] Ah yes, your children. Joan, let me make this perfectly clear. If your house is messy as last time... YOU'RE FIIIIIIIIIIIREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED-DUUUUUUUUUUUUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Joan: That's pretty clear, Mr. Humberfloob. Don't worry, I promise my kids will be on their best behavior.

Mr. Humberfloob: [Joan leaves] Great!

Woman: Humberfloob real estate, How can we make your dreams come true? Please hold.

Narrator: If you leave Humberfloob's and turn into main, three miles down, you'll find Lipplapper Lane, a pleasant-enough street in a pleasant-enough way where a neighbor greeted neighbor with a neighbor hood "Hey!".

Man 1: Hey!

Man 2: Hey!

Narrator: Here the hedges were hedged, the weeds were all weeded, and lawns were mowed daily, twice daily if needed. And at the end of the street in a house like any other, something magical will happen to a sister and a brother.

Conrad: Shhhh! Nevins, stealth mode!

Sally: [Conrad walks to the kitchen; Conrad dumps the apples and the bits out of the bowls] Today's to-do list, Number 1, Make to-do list. Number 2, practice coloring. Number 3, research graduate schools. Number 4, be spontaneous. Number 5, create lasting childhood memories. And number 6, amend will. What is he doing?

Sally: Number 10, make tomorrow's to-do list.

Conrad: [he walks upstairs with a bowl and the teddy bear on top of it, the 2 bread packs and 6 sponge cake pack, the color marshmallows on his elbows and the popcorn on his knees; Nevins barks] LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! Nevins, your attention please! You are about to witness the third most spectacular stunt EVER PERFORMED UNDER THIS ROOF!!!!!

Sally: Do you know how hard it's getting to tell people that we're related.

Conrad: [stuffs the bread on his pants, and Nevins runs off, he eats the bread, talking with his mouth full] Relax, I'll put everything back. and now for the indoor stair luge!

Sally: Indoor stair luge"? I'll have to add this one to my list.

Conrad: [about to get on the tray as Nevins whines and covers her ears, Conrad slides down the stairs yelling and cheering, Joan comes to the house with groceries and her new dress, but screams when they're hit by Conrad; Crashes into Joan's car] Go have no fun somewhere else. it... is... SHOWTIME! YEAH!

Sally: [As Nevins runs out of the house] Nevins? Nevins, Come back!!!!!!!!

Conrad: Hey, Mom, what's up?

Charlie: [[Friday the 13th (1980 film)|Friday the 13th; [Friday the 13th Part 2|2] The kids have never seen ], part 1 or ]!

Vicki: Oh, my God!

Dan: [[The Wizard of Oz] He's kidding. He's a kidder. He was scared of ]. He's kidding. The monkeys got him in the nuts.

Kim: We're not perfect, any of us. We make mistakes, we screw up but then we forgive and move forward.

Jane Aubrey: You ever gotten your heart broken?

Billy Chapel: Yeah. When we lost the pennant in 87.

Jane Aubrey: So, when you're away, I'll live my life and you'll live yours. And none of this stupid bullshit "why didn't you call me?" crap. And "What you do when you're not with me has nothing to do with me" and vice versa. No questions asked, no worrying, no obsessing.

Billy Chapel: That sounded perfect.

Jane Aubrey: What if my face was all scraped off and I was totally disfigured and had no arms and legs and I was completely paralyzed. Would you still love me?

Billy Chapel: No. But we could still be friends.

Jane Aubrey: Do you lose very much?

Billy Chapel: I lose. I've lost 134 times.

Jane Aubrey: You count them?

Billy Chapel: We count everything.

Jane Aubrey: I need a regular guy. Not the guy in the Old Spice commercials.

Billy Chapel: It was Right Guard.

Jane Aubrey: What?

Billy Chapel: It was Right Guard, not Old Spice.

Jane Aubrey: I was being metaphorical.

Jane Aubrey: It's not mine.

Billy Chapel: You mean it doubles as a flashlight?