Down Periscope - Pantry Stocking Mishap in Submarine Crew
Pascal: [Buckman turns around with a start]
BUCKMAN! What the hell are you doing?!
Seaman Buckman:
Stocking the pantry, sir!
Pascal: [grabs two cans from the shelves]
You forgot like an idiot, Buckman, because you're stocking the pantry like an idiot! What are in these cans, Buckman?!
Buckman:
That one's coffee. That one looks like cooking lard, sir.
Pascal:
And which one do you think we're gonna be using more often, sailor? The coffee, or the lard?! You think we're all gonna jump out of bed in the morning and have a big, hot, steaming cup of pig fat?!
Buckman:
Well, it depends. If it's a cold morning, sir, you might go either way --
Pascal: [turning to hurl cans from the pantry; grabs Buckman by the ear, as Dodge enters behind him]
The lard... is in... your head, Buckman! Now you take a look at that galley chart, cause I want that cabinet repacked, regulation style, by eleven hundred! Do you know what time eleven hundred is?!
Buckman:
That would be after ten hundred, sir!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Home Alone - Complimenting Shoes in a Holiday Encounter
Kevin:
Excuse me.
Santa's Elf:
Yeah?
Kevin:
Hey, nice shoes.
Santa's Elf:
Oh, thanks.
Kevin:
Is he still here? It's really important that I see him.
Santa's Elf:
He's getting in his car. I guess if you hurry, you can catch him.
Santa:
Damn! How low can you go! Giving Kris Kringle a parking ticket on Christmas Eve! What's next, rabies shots for the Easter Bunny?
Kevin:
Santa, hold on. Can I talk to you for a minute?
Santa:
If you make it quick. Santa's got a little get-together he's late for.
Kevin:
I know that you're not the real Santa Claus.
Santa:
What makes you say that? Just out of curiosity.
Kevin:
I'm old enough to know how it works.
Santa:
All right.
Kevin:
But I also know you work for him. And I'd like you to give him a message.
Santa:
Shoot.
Kevin:
My name is Kevin McCallister, and my address is 671 Lincoln Boulevard. Do you need the phone number?
Santa:
No, that's all right.
Kevin:
This is extremely important. Would you please tell him that instead of presents this year, I just want my family back. No toys. Nothing but Kate, Peter, Buzz, Megan, Linnie and Jeff. And my aunt and my cousins. And if he has time, my Uncle Frank, okay?
Santa:
Okay, I'll see what I can do.
Kevin:
Thanks.
Santa:
Wait. Hold on a second. My elf took the last of the candy canes home to her boyfriend.
Kevin:
That's okay.
Santa: [pours out a few mint Tic-Tacs into Kevin's glove]
No, no, no, don't be silly. Everybody who sees Santa has gotta get something. Here, hold out your little paw there. There you go. Don't spoil your dinner.
Kevin:
I won't. Thanks.
Santa:
SON OF A!!!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.