Ken StottQuotes

Bilbo: I'll be alright. Just let me sit quietly for a moment.

Gandalf: You've been sitting quietly for far too long! Tell me, when did doilies and your mother's dishes become so important to you? I remember a young hobbit who was always running off in search of Elves in the woods. He'd stay out late, come home after dark, trailing mud and twigs and fireflies. A young hobbit who would've liked nothing better than to find out what was beyond the borders of the Shire. The world is not in your books and maps. It's out there.

Bilbo: [whimpers] I can't just go running off into the blue! I am a Baggins... ...of Bag End!

Gandalf: You are also a Took. Did you know that your great-great-great-great Uncle Bullroarer Took was so large he could ride a real horse?

Bilbo: Yes.

Gandalf: Well, he could! At the Battle of Greenfields, he charged the Goblin ranks. He swung his club so hard, it knocked the Goblin King's head clean off and it sailed a hundred yards through the air and went down a rabbit hole. And thus the battle was won, and the game of golf invented at the same time.

Bilbo: I do believe you made that up.

Gandalf: Well, all good stories deserve embellishment. You'll have a tale or two to tell of your own when you come back.

Bilbo: Can you promise that I will come back?

Gandalf: No. And if you do...you will not be the same.

Bilbo: That's what I thought. Sorry, Gandalf. I can't sign this. You've got the wrong hobbit.

Balin: It appears we have lost our burglar. Probably for the best. The odds were always against us. After all, what are we? Merchants, miners, tinkers, toy makers. Hardly the stuff of legend.

Thorin: There are a few warriors amongst us.

Balin: Old warriors.

Thorin: I would take each and every one of these dwarves over an army from the Iron Hills, for when I called upon them, they answered. Loyalty, honor, a willing heart. I can ask no more than that.

Balin: You don't have to do this. You have a choice. You've done honorably by our people. You have built a new life for us in the Blue Mountains. A life of peace and plenty. A life that is worth more than all the gold in Erebor.

Thorin: [holds the key out] From the grandfather to my father, this has come to me. They dreamt of the day when the dwarves of Erebor would reclaim their homeland. There is no choice, Balin. Not for me.

Balin: Then we are with you, laddie. We will see it done.

Balin: It's just the usual; summary of out-of-pocket expenses, time required, remuneration, funeral arrangements, so forth.

Bilbo: [reads contract] Funeral arrangements"? Oh...

Thorin: [whispering to Gandalf] I cannot guarantee his safety.

Gandalf: Understood.

Thorin: Nor will I be responsible for his fate.

Gandalf: [hesitates] Agreed.

Bilbo: Uh, "Terms: cash on delivery, up to but not exceeding one fourteenth total profit, if any." Seems fair...Uh, "Present Company shall not be liable for injuries inflicted by, or sustained as a consequence thereof, including, but not limited to...la-ce-ra-tions..." "Evisceration"?..."Incineration"?

Bofur: Oh, aye. He'll melt the flesh off your bones in the blink of an eye.

Balin: You all right, laddie?

Bilbo: [trying to take it in] Huh? Yeah, I'm okay. Feeling a bit faint.

Bofur: [not noticing] Think "furnace with wings.

Bilbo: Yeah, I...I...I need air.

Bofur: Flash of light, searing pain, then poof! You're nothing more than a pile of ash.

Bilbo: [faints] ...Nope.

Gandalf: [sarcastically] Oh, very helpful, Bofur.

Dwalin: [bows] Dwalin, at your service.

Bilbo: [Dwalin walks in] Uh, Bilbo...Baggins. At yours. Do we know each other?

Dwalin: No. Which way, laddie? Is it down here?

Bilbo: Is what down where?

Dwalin: Supper. He said there'd be food and lots of it.

Bilbo: He said? Who said?

Dwalin: Very good, this. Any more?

Bilbo: [finds a jar of seed-cakes; pauses as Dwalin eats away] What? Oh, uh, yes, yes. Help yourself. It's just that, um, I wasn't expecting company.

Dwalin: That'll be the door.

Balin: [smiles and bows] Balin, At your service.

Bilbo: [blankly] Good evening.

Balin: Yes, it is. Though I think it might rain later. Am I late?

Bilbo: Late for what?

Balin: [catches Dwalin trying to get more scones out of another jar] OH! Evening, brother!

Dwalin: [sets down the jar and smiles] Ho ho, by my beard! You are shorter and wider than last we met.

Balin: Wider, not shorter. Sharp enough for both of us.

Bilbo: Excuse me? Sorry, I hate to interrupt, but the thing is I'm not entirely sure you're in the right house. It's not that I don't like visitors. I-I like visitors as much as the next hobbit, but I do like to know them before they come visiting. The thing is...uh...the thing is, I don't know either of you, not in the slightest. I don't mean to be blunt, but I had to speak my mind. I'm sorry.

Balin: [suddenly noticing that Bilbo was talking; smiles, to Bilbo's growing confusion] Apology accepted.

Fíli: Fíli.

Kíli: And Kíli.

Fíli and Kíli: [bowing] At your service.

Kíli: You must be Mr. Boggins!

Bilbo: [tries to shut the door] Nope! You can't come in; you've come to the wrong house.

Kíli: [pushes it open with his foot; deflated] What? Has it been cancelled?

Fíli: No one told us.

Bilbo: Ca-? No, nothing's been cancelled.

Kíli: [smiles] That's a relief!

Fíli: [tosses Bilbo their blades] Careful with these. I just had em sharpened.

Kíli: It's nice, this place. You do it yourself?

Bilbo: [sees Kíli rubbing his shoes on the furniture] Well, no, it's been in the family for years- That's my mother's glory box! Could you please not do that?

Dwalin: Fíli, Kíli, come on. Give us a hand.

Kíli: [smiling at the sight of Dwalin] Mr. Dwalin.

Balin: [about the table] Let's shove this in the hallway. Otherwise, we'll never get everyone in.

Bilbo: [surprised; doorbell rings again, Bilbo is getting rather cross as he heads for the door.; louder, tossing the knives to the floor; chuckles sarcastically; opens the door and eight dwarves (Dori, Nori, Ori, Óin, Glóin, Bifur, Bofur, and Bombur) fall down on top of each other. Gandalf stands behind looking at Bilbo; with an irritated look on his face] He - "Everyone"? How many more are there? Oh no. No, no. There's nobody home! Go away and bother somebody else! There's far too many dwarves in my dining room as it is! I-I-If this is some...clot-head's idea of a joke... ...I can only say. It is in very poor taste! Gandalf.

Balin: [''to Bilbo''] Don't mind him, laddie. Thorin has more cause than most to hate Orcs. After the dragon took the Lonely Mountain, King Thror tried to reclaim the ancient dwarf kingdom of Moria...but our enemy had got there first. Moria had been taken by legions of Orcs, led by the most vile of all their race, Azog the Defiler. The giant Gundabad Orc had sworn to wipe out the line of Durin. He began by beheading the King. Thrain, Thorin's father, was driven mad by grief. He went missing, taken prisoner or killed; we did not know. We were leaderless; defeat and death were upon us. That is when I saw him; the young dwarf prince facing down the Pale Orc. He stood alone against this terrible foe, his armour rent, wielding nothing but an oaken branch as a shield...Azog the Defiler learned that day that the line of Durin would not be so easily broken. Our forces rallied and drove the Orcs back; our enemy had been defeated...but there was no feast nor song that night, for our dead were beyond the count of grief. We few had survived and I thought to myself then There is one I could follow. There is one I could call King'.

Balin: It never ceases to amaze me: the courage of Hobbits...