Memorable Quotes from Kevin Hart
18 quotesFridge Material Versus Serial Killer Wall
Teddy
What's that, for your little serial killer wall?
[''About his minute photos'']
The Man From Toronto
You think you'd make the wall? Come on, man. You're barely fridge material.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Reflective Moment of Temporary Enjoyment
Roland
Well, it was fun while it lasted.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation Over Online Presence and Accountability
The Man from Toronto
You think you know me? I know you. I looked at your little online gym channel. Seven views. With one upload three years ago. And seven views.
Teddy
Yeah. Three comments.
The Man from Toronto
Yeah. You think a low toner got you into this situation? No. Never doing what you say you're gonna do is what got you into this situation.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Miscommunication About Relationships
The Man from Toronto
Who's she with?
Teddy
Her friend, Anne. Why?
The Man from Toronto
You didn't tell me about Anne.
Teddy
I didn't know that I had to tell you about Anne. What's the problem?
[''The Man from Toronto sighs and gets uncomfortable'']
The Man from Toronto
I get uncomfortable... around women.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Awakening to Life and Death Confusion
Mahalik
You know Jamal, from 92nd Street? This morning, he woke up dead!
CJ
How in the hell do you wake up dead?
Mahalik
Cause you're alive when you go to sleep.
CJ
You're telling me you can go to bed dead and wake up alive?
Mahalik
You can't go to bed dead! That shit would be redundant.
CJ
No, it wouldn't. Cause you can go to bed and not be dead, and you can die but not be in a bed.
Mahalik
But you are in a bed, man. That's how you wake up dead in the first place, foo'!
CJ
Damn! That's some quantum shit right there, man!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Marketing Missteps and Miscommunication
Marty
See these flyers you made up? I spent my entire marketing budget on these things, and we ain't got one bite.
[''He shows Teddy one of the flyers'']
Teddy
Marty, they're gonna come through that door any day, any minute. You just gotta be patient. You know that.
Marty
Well, they would be. If you had put the address on this thing!
Teddy
What? I mean, who really needs addresses?
[''He takes the flyer and opens it'']
Marty
My customers.
Teddy
Then they'll call you, Marty.
Marty
You left out the phone number too.
Teddy
Dammit, did I?
Marty
Teddy, you're a nice guy. You really are. But I need a dude with some grit.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Conversation About 19th-Century Poetry
Teddy
Here's a little secret of mine. I love 19th-century American poetry. It's my hobby.
The Man from Toronto
Let's hear some ].
[[John Keats|Keats]
Teddy
You wanna hear her old stuff or her new stuff?
The Man from Toronto
Well, he... died at 25.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Teddy Introduces His Non-Contact Boxing Class
Teddy
Hey! What's going on? I'm Teddy Jackson, and I welcome you guys to my first ever non-contact boxing class. It's called Teddy-box. It's all the "wow" without the "ow".
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Roland's Frustration with His Helmet
Roland
What a stupid helmet!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Struggles with Finding Large Tires
Nashawn
You know hard it is to get 84 inch tires?!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Celebration Announcement from Nashawn
Nashawn
Everybody! Top deck! Drinks on me!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Contemplating Relocation and Unexpected Challenges
Mahalik
But what if we stopped living over here, and started living over there?
CJ
Shit, my Aunt Shaneequa used to live over there! But that bitch got evicted though.
Mahalik
For what?
CJ
Mice.
Mahalik
I thought she had rats?
CJ
No, rats are outside, mice are inside.
Mahalik
But what if a mouse goes outside does it become a rat, and if a rat is in the house, is it a mouse?
CJ
I ain't seen no mouse outside. That's what I'm sayin'.
Mahalik
That's because it's a rat, fool!
CJ
Damn! You mighta just made fact. That's some real shit right there!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Request for Business Class Upgrade
Nashawn
I'm going back to the front of the plane. When I get back, I want this to be business class.
[after seeing that business class has been turned into a casino]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Reunion Sparks Concern
Teddy
Lori!
Lori
Teddy?
Teddy
Hey.
[''He runs towards Lori on the train station platform'']
Lori
Oh my God, what the hell happened to you?
Teddy
A lot of stuff.
Lori
Honey, yeah, you're bleeding.
Teddy
It's not all my blood.
Lori
Okay, you need medical attention.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embrace Self-Competition at Teddybox
Teddy
Welcome. Welcome to Teddybox. I, of course, am Teddy Jackson, and guess what? Here, the only opponent is yourself. Don't you forget it.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Becoming a Verb: The Impact of Mistakes
Lori
If a paralegal screws up, they say they Teddy'd it.
Teddy
They named a screw-up after me?
Lori
You're actually a verb now.
[''She chuckles'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Encouragement to Tina in Borderlands
Roland
Make it rain, Tina!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Roland's Disappointment in the Orgy Experience
Roland
Worst... orgy... ever! Rest in peace, Bob.
[''Pushes bodies of Psychos off him in hall''; ''Holds up stuffed animal head''; ''Throws it aside'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.