Memorable Quotes from Lauren Graham
6 quotesChildhood Obsessions and Adult Desires
Sue
I've always had a thing for Santa Claus. In case you didn't notice. It's like some deep-seeded childhood thing.
Willie
So is my thing for tits.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Consequences of Responsibility and Humor
Shane Wolfe
Got them here. My fault.
Murney
Yeah, I always said these kids needed a parole officer. I guess Mrs. Plummer thought so too, huh? Wow, you got a real upper torso going on, huh? You ever do any time?
Seth
Sasquatch.
[low]
Murney
You got something to say, boy?
Seth
No.
Murney
No? Good. Wow, it looks like you have a pair of legs coming out of your shoulders. You hit the gym a lot, do you?
Shane Wolfe
Eh.
Seth
Woolly mammoth.
[low tone]
Murney
All right, you know what, Creeper? You just bought yourself an extra 15 minutes on the mats with the Murninator!
Shane Wolfe
Excuse me. Lieutenant Shane Wolfe. I'm watching the kids for the Plummers, a few days.
Murney
Oh, babysitter, huh? Well, good, whatever job you can get, right? I'm Murney, Dwayne Murney. My friends call me "Little Puppet". I'm the VP here. I'm in charge of discipline, conduct and truancy from top to bottom, K through 12. You're in my house now, strong man.
Shane Wolfe
You're the vice principal.
Murney
And the wrestling coach. See the Creeper over there? He has played hooky from every wrestling practice this month. And her, she has missed 22 Driver's Ed classes out of 23! These are the worst students in my school. I'm ashamed of...
Claire Fletcher
Your school? Good morning, kids. Mr. Murney, thank you so much for watching my chair for me. I'll take it from here.
[clears throat]
Murney
Roger that. Absolutely. I was just informing our new friend here about some of the duties as vice principal.
Claire Fletcher
Yes, and speaking of which, how's it going with the investigation into the baloney slices on the cafeteria ceiling?
Murney
Oh, that's been taking some interesting turns.
Claire Fletcher
You just keep up the good work.
Murney
Right then. I'll be on the roof.
Claire Fletcher
Bye, now. All right, kids, I think it's time to get back to class. I'll cut you some slack seeing as it's Lieutenant Wolfe's first day. Thank you.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Teamwork in a Tense Moment
Shane Wolfe
Gary, now!
Mr. Chun
AAAHHH!!!!!!!!!
Claire Fletcher
Couldn't let you have all the fun.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Class Attendance and Responsibility Concerns
Shane Wolfe
Okay, so she wrecked the Driver's Ed car. The insurance will pay for it.
Murney
They were parallel parking when the instructor jumped from the car. But it's not about her. It's about the boy.
Shane Wolfe
Has he been skipping class again?
Claire Fletcher
Skipping class? He always skips sixth period, but...
Murney
All right, Seth! Okay, take off the hat.
Shane Wolfe
Go ahead.
Murney
Look at that. That's how he showed up for practice today. And that's not all. I was doing a little recon in his locker and I found this, okay? Now if it was a girlie magazine or a hamster, fine. Boys will be boys. But this is sick.
[holds up a Nazi armband, part of Seth's "Young Rolf" costume]
Shane Wolfe
All right, he dyed his hair. He's not a Nazi.
Claire Fletcher
This is not normal. We're very concerned. All right, kids, why don't you get back to class? Mr. Murney, would you give me a minute? Look, I'm sure this is about their father. We've tried to get Seth and Zoe to talk to the school psychologist, but they won't. Maybe you can get through to them and see what's going on?
[bell rings]
Shane Wolfe
I'll talk to them and see what I can do.
Claire Fletcher
Thanks.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Santa's Job Described in Unconventional Terms
Sue
You're pretty regular for a Santa.
Willie
It's not that much of a big fucking deal. It's just a job, you know what I mean? I'm just an eating, drinking, shitting, fucking Santy Claus.
Sue
Prove it.
Sue
Fuck me, Santa. Fuck me, Santa. Fuck me, Santa. Fuck me, Santa. Fuck me, Santa. Fuck me, Santa. Fuck me, Santa. Fuck me, Santa!
Willie
Can't I at least take this hat off?
Sue
NO! I love the hat.
Willie
Okay.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A New Direction for Murney's Talents
Claire Fletcher
Looks like you have a hit on your hands.
Shane Wolfe
You think so?
Claire Fletcher
Mm-hmm. You should take over the drama department instead of the wrestling team. It's gonna be nice having you around now. Now that Murney's found his true calling.
[She and Shane chuckle]
Murney
Climb every mountain/Ford every stream…
[singing]
Shane Wolfe
It's gonna be my pleasure serving with you.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.