Memorable Quotes from Leslie Nielsen
24 quotesDracula's Practical Dilemma with Chandelier
Count Dracula
I must move the coffin. Or the chandelier.
[after rising from his coffin and hitting his head on a chandelier; pause]
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Tensions Rise Between Mayor and Nurse
Mayor William Dudley
You mind telling me what's going on with the ambulances and-
Nurse Andrea Harper
(cutting the mayor off) Not a bit Mr. Mayor. You know it seems that there was some idiot who let them build a refinery right in the middle of the city and this is the result! You know I bet it was you. I really would like to hear you talk yourself out of this boo-boo!
Mayor William Dudley
You mind telling me what's going on out here?
Nurse Andrea Harper
Doctor's orders. Dr. Whitman wants the rest of the hospital evacuated - in a hurry. You know you could do us both a favor Mr. Mayor and get yourself in one of those trucks. At least this'll keep you out of the governor's mansion.
Mayor William Dudley
Don't take any bets on it.
Nurse Andrea Harper
WELL I AIN'T GONNA VOTE FOR YOU!
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The Nature of Humanity and Its Threats
Commander John J. Adams
* Last lines in the film
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Dracula's Frustration with Renfield
Count Dracula
Renfield, you asshole!
[his last line]
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True Heroes of the City
Maggie Grayson
How's it feel to be a hero?
Mayor William Dudley
Hero? Well the real heroes of this tragedy are the people of this fair city.
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Character Introduction and Personal Interests
Dick Steele
I'm Bud Fudlacker. I have a small mail order business. I travel with the American Gladiators. I'm 55. I like small appliances, and I do tax accounting on the side.
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Urgent Call for Help at Sea
Captain Harrison
Sparks!
[over intercom to radio room]
Wireless Operator
Yes, sir?
Captain Harrison
Get off a Mayday!
Wireless Operator
Mayday, sir?
[puzzled]
Captain Harrison
Yes, I said Mayday, Mayday, Mayday!
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Dracula's Night-Time Reflection on Daymares
Count Dracula
Oh, it's night-time. I was having... a daymare.
[waking up from a bad dream]
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Emergency Response Coordination Amid Changing Conditions
Mayor William Dudley
Chief Risley, let's get some helicopters out here.
Chief Albert Risley
With the winds changing so drastically it's impossible. However, we can try something else. (talking to a dispatcher) Get my son on the radio.
Dispatcher
Company 27 to the Prince Street exit of the Brockhurst Hospital. Repeat: Company 27 to the Prince Street exit of the Brockhurst Hospital.
Captain Harrison Risley
We're about a mile south and proceeding directly.
Chief Albert Risley
Harrison, to get those people out of the hospital, we're gonna need a water tunnel.
Captain Harrison Risley
Roger. I'll report on arrival. We'll need backup and paramedics.
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Humanity's Journey Towards Knowledge and Humility
Commander John J. Adams
Alta, about a million years from now the human race will have crawled up to where the Krell stood in their great moment of triumph and tragedy. And your father's name will shine again like a beacon in the galaxy. It's true, it will remind us that we are, after all, not God.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Defining Crazy in Unconventional Terms
Dick Steele
Crazy? Some people think walking down the street muttering to yourself is crazy. I'll tell you what crazy is: Crazy is walking down the street with half a cantaloupe on your head, saying: "I'm a hamster. I'm a hamster." That's crazy.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Count Dracula Enjoys Wine and Chicken
Count Dracula
I'm drinking wine, and I'm eating chicken!
[in a dream, at a picnic]
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Commanding a Unique Team in Hyperspace
Commander John J. Adams
I'm in command of 18 competitively selected super-perfect physical specimens with an average age of 24.6 who have been locked up in hyperspace for 378 days. It would have served you right if he ... they ... oh go on, get out of here before I have you run out of the area under guard — and then I'll put more guards on the guards.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Uncertainty in Emergency Landing Situation
Dr. Rumack
Captain, these passengers don't have much time. How soon can we land?
Oveur
I can't tell.
Dr. Rumack
You can tell me, I'm a doctor.
Oveur
What I mean is, I don't know.
Dr. Rumack
Well, can't you take a guess?
Oveur
...Not for another two hours.
Dr. Rumack
You can't take a guess for another two hours?
Oveur
No, what I'm saying is we can't land for another two hours.
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Dracula's Frustration with Renfield
Count Dracula
Renfield, you idiot.
[embarrassed after hearing Renfield and Lucy screaming from outside]
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Authority and Responsibility on the Poseidon
Mr. Linarcos
Order Full Ahead, Captain.
Captain Harrison
I have already told you Mr. Linarcos, we don't have enough ballast yet to run at Full Ahead.
Mr. Linarcos
I suggest we talk privately. (Linarcos and the Captain meet separately from the crew) I did not suggest Full Ahead, Captain. As the new owner's representative on this ship, I ordered it!
Captain Harrison
Goddammit man the Poseidon is too fine a lady to be rushed to the junkyard on her last voyage.
Mr. Linarcos
We're already three days behind schedule. And it's costing my consortium thousands of dollars every day to maintain a wrecking crew. I demand we dock Monday night-
Captain Harrison
And I can't afford to gamble with the lives of my passengers!
Mr. Linarcos
Your business is to deliver this ship where we want it, when we want it!
Captain Harrison
Running an unstable ship at full ahead is dangerous!
Mr. Linarcos
I am sure-
Captain Harrison
Especially one as old as this!
Mr. Linarcos
I am sure I don't have to remind you of my legal right to have you relieved of command. Three other officers aboard this ship have their Master's License. Now, order Full Ahead!
Captain Harrison
You irresponsible bastard.
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Communication Amidst Urgency and Concern
Maggie Grayson
Mayor Dudley, can you hear me?
Mayor William Dudley
Uh yes Ms. Grayson. I hear you very well.
Maggie Grayson
Chief Risley, can you hear me? Can you not hear me Chief Risley?!
Chief Albert Risley
Yes, yes I do Ms. Grayson I apologize, but we have no time for formalities. (noticing labored breathing by the mayor on the TV) Mayor Dudley are you having difficulty breathing?
Mayor William Dudley
Well, uh, yes as a matter of fact I am.
Chief Albert Risley
Mr. Mayor I'm afraid the hospital may be caught in a firestorm.
Maggie Grayson
Chief Risley...does that mean that the people in the hospital are in danger of suffocating?
Chief Albert Risley
Mayor Dudley it's very important that everyone in the hospital get out of the area as quickly as possible!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Dracula's View on Children of the Night
Count Dracula
Children of the night... what a mess they make!
[a bat poops on the stairs]
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Conflict Over Public Appearance at Hospital Event
Mayor William Dudley
I hope you'll change your mind and join us up on the speakers platform, Dr. Whitman.
Dr. Frank Whitman
No, no, I don't think so. Really.
Mayor William Dudley
It would look better, you know, the head of a new hospital.
Dr. Frank Whitman
Well it may look better but I don't think it would sound better. I don't think you'd like what you'd be hearing.
Mayor William Dudley
Well what's eating you now? You have a new job and the city has a beautiful new hospital.
Dr. Frank Whitman
That's right, some new hospital. You know, it looks real good on the outside. But thanks to your political favors here and there, see I'm stuck with a patch-up job!
Mayor William Dudley
Well nothing is perfect. Everything is compromised. Now, if you're the mayor of a big city and you want to get things done, you have to learn to give and take.
Dr. Frank Whitman
Try talking to a surgeon about compromise during an open-heart operation, huh? (walks away)
Mayor William Dudley
Dr. Whitman? (Whitman stops and turns around) When I call on you, I expect you to come up and speak.
Dr. Frank Whitman
Is that a challenge?
Mayor William Dudley
If you'd like to put it that way.
Dr. Frank Whitman
Well you just do that Mr. Mayor. I look forward to it.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Risks of Political Decision-Making
Mayor William Dudley
How you doing?
John O'Brien
(weakly): Alright.
Mayor William Dudley
I'm in a hell of mess on this one, Johnny. I pushed for that refinery.
John O'Brien
(weakly): That's the risk of politics; yesterday you're a hero and today you're a fool. Pretty simple to say the least.
Mayor William Dudley
Come on, come on. I don't know what the hell to do. Can't get through on the phone to Risley or Abrams or anybody.
John O'Brien
(weakly): Well that's bad. But you can turn it around and make it good.
Mayor William Dudley
Goddammit Johnny don't humor me! I don't know how to deal with this one. On top of it all you pick today to go and get a heart attack. Hey, Johnny...
John O'Brien
(weakly): Never...never admit...that you were wrong about the refinery.
Mayor William Dudley
Now don't you go dying on me for Christ's sake, come on.
John O'Brien
(weakly): You'll be governor...you'll do it...bet you seven bucks you do it kid.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Engineers Confront Challenges Amidst Crisis
Chief Engineer Joe
Chief here. Go ahead.
Captain Harrison
Joe, what the hell's going on down there? Is there nothing more you can do with those stabilizers?
Chief Engineer Joe
There's nothing wrong with the stabilizers, so there's nothing more I can do with them. Besides I got my hands full with this pump! You know damn well what the trouble is - it's that bastard Linarcos!
Captain Harrison
Would you care to repeat yourself? He's standing right here.
Chief Engineer Joe
Good! I hope he heard me!
Captain Harrison
Alright Joe. Do the best you can until we clear this weather.
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A Witty Remark on Uncertainty
Dick Steele
I'd shake your hand, but I don't remember where it landed.
[''To the armless Rancor'']
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A Commander's Reflection on Emotions
Commander John J. Adams
* To Altaira.
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New Year Exchange on the Bridge
Captain Harrison
It seems to be piling up those shallows... By the way, Happy New Year.
First Officer Larsen
Thank you, sir. Same to you.
Captain Harrison
What's its speed?
[returning to the conversation]
First Officer Larsen
60 knots, sir.
Captain Harrison
It must be mountainous...
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.