Lil Rel Howery Quotes

Buddy I've been scared my whole damn life. I'm not scared anymore.

Rod Williams But Chris say he is acting real different.

Detective Latoya Different how?

Rod Williams This dude is from ], huh? He don't dress like this.

Detective Latoya I didn't use to dress like this.

Rod Williams Plus he is married to a white woman twice his age.

Detective Latoya That would explain the clothes... Alright. Oh Lord, Rod Williams from ].

Rod Williams I know, I know, I know, but I'm trying to work towards this. Look, What I'm about to tell you going to sound crazy. You ready?

Detective Latoya Try me.

Rod Williams I believe they've been abducting black people... brainwashing them, making them work for them as sex slaves and shit. Sorry about the shit.

Rod Williams Look, look Chris, tell me this okay? How can I get in trouble for patting down an old lady? It's standard procedure. Gary just thinks that if an elderly bitch is fucking elderly, she can't hijack no motherfucking plane. See, wait, wait, now, I know you're fucking laughing. I'm serious, come on man. The next ] is going to be on some geriatric shit.

Rod Williams I mean, I told you not to go in that house.

Chris Washington How you find me?

Rod Williams I'm T.S... motherfuckin'-A. We handle shit. That's what we do. Consider this situation... fuckin handled.

Chris Washington He's different.

Rod Williams No shit! Why is he dressed like that?

Chris Washington It's not that, it's everything. He came to the party with a white woman like 30 years older than him.

Rod Williams Sex slave! Oh, shit! Chris, you gotta get the fuck up outta there, man! You in some ] situation. Leave, motherfuck -

Chris Washington No! Not the wires! Oh, great.

Rod Williams Then he sent me some weird pictures... I'm like Oh man that's Andre Hayworth'... this dude been missing for 6 months. Right? So I do all my research you know cause as a TSA agent... you know, you guys are detectives, you know, I got the same training. We might know more than y'all sometimes, you know cause we are dealing with some terrorist shit, so... but that's a totally different story. So look I, I go do my... my detective work, right? And I start putting pieces together. And see this is what I came up with. They're probably abducting black people, brainwashing them and making them slaves. Or sex slaves. Not just regular slaves, but sex slaves and shit. See? I don't know if it's the hypnosis that's making em slaves or what not, but all I know is they already got two brothas we know and there could be a whole bunch of brothas they got already. What's the next move?

Detective Latoya Don't ever, ever say that I don't do nothin for y'all. Oh, white girls... they get you every time.

Rod Williams I'm mad at you because you never take my advice.

Chris Washington Like what?

Rod Williams Like don't go to a white girl's parents house. What is she doin'? Lickin your balls or somethin'?

Buddy He hits hard. And yet his hands are so soft.

Buddy Hey, I'm here with my best friend, trying to help him through a tough time. If that ain't real, I don't know what is.

Chris Washington I didn't even want to tell you.

Rod Williams What?

Chris Washington I got hypnotized last night.

Rod Williams Nigga, get the fuck outta here!

Chris Washington No. Yo, yo, yeah it's to quit smoking. But Rose's mom's a psychiatrist, so ...

Rod Williams Bro I don't care if the bitch is ], okay? She can't fix my motherfucking life. You ain't getting in my head.

Chris Washington I know, she caught me off guard, right? But it's cool because... I'm cured. It worked!

Rod Williams Bro, how you not scared of this, man? Look they could have made you do all types of stupid shit. They have you fuckin barking like a dog. Flyin around like you a fuckin pigeon, lookin ridiculous. Okay? Or, I don't know if you know this. But, white people love making people sex slaves and shit.

Chris Washington Yeah I'm pretty sure they are not a kinky sex family, dog.

Rod Williams Look, ] was eating the shit out of niggas heads. Okay? But that was after he fucked the heads. Do you think they saw that shit coming? Hell no, okay? They were coming over there like "Imma suck a little dick, maybe jiggle some balls or shit." No. They didn't get a chance to jiggle shit because their heads was off their bodies. Yeah they still sucked the dick, but without their heads. It was weird detached heads shit. You know, that's Jeffrey Dahmer's business.

Chris Washington Thanks for that image right there, man.

Rod Williams Hey man, I'm not making this shit up. I saw it on ]. That is real life.

Chris Washington Yo, and the black people out here too. It seems like they all missed the movement.

Rod Williams It's because they probably hypnotized. Look bro, all I'm doin is connectin the dots. I'm takin what you presented to me, okay? I'm gonna tell you this, I think that mom is puttin everybody in a trance and she's fuckin the shit out of em.

Jim Hudson I used to dabble myself. Wilderness mostly. I submitted to ] 14 times before realizing I didn't have the eye. I began dealing. Then, of course, my vision went to shit.

Chris Washington Damn.

Jim Hudson I know. Life can be a sick joke. One day you're developing prints in the dark room and the next day you wake up - in the dark. Genetic disease.

Chris Washington Shit ain't fair, man.

Jim Hudson Oh, you got that right! Shit ain't fair.