Memorable Quotes from Lily Tomlin
19 quotesSpecial Locker for the Hat Needed
Violet Newstead
We're gonna need a special locker for the hat.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Bold Claim of Resurrection
Edwina Cutwater
Guess what I'm going to do?
Roger Cobb
What?
Edwina Cutwater
I'm going to come back from the dead.
Roger Cobb
Ohhh. And what makes you think you can do that?
[Patronising]
Edwina Cutwater
Because I'm rich.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questioning Sound Mind in Legal Matters
Roger Cobb
Miss Cutwater, as your attorney, I must advise you - your will can be challenged if you are deemed to be... not of sound mind.
Edwina Cutwater
Why, you presumptious ambulance chaser. Are you implying that I am not of sound mind?
Roger Cobb
No, I wouldn't do that. But I think everyone else in the solar system might.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Desire for Privacy and Personal Freedom
Edwina Cutwater
Well I don't see why you're getting so upset about all this.
Roger Cobb
Because I want my body back! And I want my freedom and my privacy! And most of all, I'd like to be able to take a leak without being fondled!
Edwina Cutwater
You may find this hard to believe, but fondling you while you make pee-pee is not my idea of a good time.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Struggling with the concept of failure
Edwina Cutwater
I don't believe this. I can't even die right.
[On finding her soul inside Roger Cobb's body]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Reflections on Loss and Regret
Violet Newstead
I'm a widow with four kids. You know, Jerry should never have died. I'd be better off - I could've divorced him.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Managing Family Chaos with Humor
Violet Newstead
(On the phone): Oh, come on kids. Come on, no fighting. Believe me, there is more than one peanut butter and banana sandwich in the world, what did I say this morning? OK.....love you too....no, I don't wanna talk to the dog, bye bye...
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Consequences of Unwanted Help
Edwina Cutwater
Oh, Roger! I see what you mean about enjoying life! It's to be savoured!
[Thrilled]
Roger Cobb
I am going to kill you.
[Seething]
Edwina Cutwater
I was just trying to help...
[Hurt]
Roger Cobb
You failed! Since you started helping me, in the last twenty-four hours, I've lost my girl, my job, I've alienated my dog! I broke my sunglasses! You can't even get that kind anymore. Stop helping me!!
Edwina Cutwater
You know, you are so ungrateful. If it wasn't for me, you would get that partnership, and then you'd have to take cases like that, and kiss your father's high ideals goodbye. You'd also be married to Peggy; you call that savouring life?
Roger Cobb
Oh, look who's talking!
Edwina Cutwater
I spent my life in a sick bed. What's your excuse?
Roger Cobb
It's just like a dead person to say that.
[Fuming]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Violet Newstead anticipates someone's arrival
Violet Newstead
Oh oh, here comes ]!
[[w:General Patton|General Patton]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Frustration with Unwarranted Conversations
Violet Newstead
(To a hospital tea-lady): "I'm a doctor! So why the hell am I talking to you? Piss off!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Consequences of Bold Actions in the Workplace
Violet Newstead
I'm no fool, I've killed the boss! Do you think they're not gonna fire me for a thing like that?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Apologies Amidst Unconventional Circumstances
Edwina Cutwater
I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm sorry if I ruined your birthday.
Roger Cobb
And I'm sorry if I made your being dead an unpleasant experience.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Observations on Rapid Career Advancement
Violet Newstead
I have never seen anyone leap frog so fast to the top in my life. And I have the bad back to prove it. I remember when he was just a management trainee . . . in fact, I'm the one who trained him.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Escalating Tensions in a Frustrated Argument
Doreen Piggot
Why don't you go get drunk and pee all over...
Earl Piggot
I'm gonna get drunk! I'm gonna get drunk right now! Ah dammit!
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Confrontation Between Earl and Doreen Piggot
Earl Piggot
You know, I don't know who you think would wanna look at your sad, middle aged ass anymore!
Doreen Piggot
Don't talk to me like that and don't you come back here! I'm not taking you back no more, understand? No more! I'm not taking you back!
Earl Piggot
I'm not COMING back!
Doreen Piggot
Slobbering over Honey like that. It was so embarrassing...
Earl Piggot
I never touched Honey!
Doreen Piggot
I didn't say you touched her, I said you slobbered on her!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unpleasant Childhood Encounter with a Clown
Edwina Cutwater
Once, my parents hired a clown to entertain me. But he didn't like me! So when my parents were in the room, he'd just sit there, and didn't lift a finger to amuse me!
[Tearfully]
Roger Cobb
That's a terrible clown.
[Appalled]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Critique of Unpleasant Behavior
Edwina Cutwater
You are rude, crude, and thoroughly unattractive.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Miscommunication in a Crucial Moment
Roger Cobb
You'll have to do it.
Edwina Cutwater
Do what?
Roger Cobb
You know, take it out.
Edwina Cutwater
Take what out?
Roger Cobb
The little fireman.
Edwina Cutwater
The little fireman?
Roger Cobb
You know, my penis.
Edwina Cutwater
How dare you say penis to a dead person.
Roger Cobb
Listen lady, if you don't give Ed some big air, he's gonna piss all over your half of my body!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Inappropriate Words for the Deceased
Edwina Cutwater
How dare you say penis to a dead person.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.